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Reged: 02/12/11
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Living With a Passive Agresive Family
      #254358 - 02/12/11 05:45 AM

Hola from Colombia (South America)
I´ll try to write the short version of the story.... I was diagnosed POZ three years ago... I haven´t taken any pills ever... I lost my job (no prove of it) because of it, I think, a co-worker I told about my condition told the big boss and they made my life miserable there until they cornered me and made me resign. I lost my apartment, my money, I went bankcroupt and had to move back to my mother´s. She doesn´t know anything about HIV-AIDS nor wants to research or read the books I´ve bought for her... She doesn´t understand that I can not eat any type of food, that I can not risk my body and catch a virus or any desease if I don´t take care of my self... I´m broke.. depressed (extremely) and I feel totally alone in this house full of people who act OFENDED when I ask them to help me. I had toxoplasmosis and no body did anything here .. my eye took the worst part and I lost part of the sight... anyway... i feel alone even living with my family... I just.. need to talk to someone I guess...
I don´t know what am I doing here...

Edited by journalist36 (02/12/11 05:46 AM)

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Reged: 01/28/11
Posts: 26
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
Re: Living With a Passive Agresive Family new
      #254361 - 02/12/11 08:26 AM

Welcome and this a great place to come to find others who are dealing with the same thing. I was just recently diagnosed on January 27, 2011 and the only people I have told are my mother, brother, and sister. I know for a fact that if I tell the rest of my family they will not be as understanding of my situation and will put blame on my past history. On the other hand the ones I have told are very supportive and want to know everything about my disease. I know I am not a professional at this but since I have been coming to this site I have experience many people who are supportive and give great advice on everyday life. I know it is hard to keep a positive attitude and it takes time and hard work but the people on here will help you along the way. Good luck and if you need to talk anytime I am here for you and everyone. We all can learn something from each other.

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Reged: 02/02/11
Posts: 464
Loc: Thailand
Re: Living With a Passive Agresive Family new
      #254381 - 02/14/11 12:33 AM

Hello journalist, from Thailand!

It sounds like a very difficult situation you are enduring. I am concerned for your health; are you getting regular VL and CD4 counts? Do you have a competent doctor that will help you get on meds when it is time? The depression and stress takes a big toll on the immune system, and if you are not feeling well, that increases the depression and stress! So, you must give it everything you can to stop the spiral. Getting active with your health and treatment will make you feel better both physically and psychologically.

Let us know how you are. Without this website, I would be completely lost!

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Reged: 01/19/10
Posts: 660
Re: Living With a Passive Agresive Family new
      #254393 - 02/14/11 05:26 PM

sorry to hear that. im not familiar with the laws in columbia, but getting fired for having HIV is completely outrageous and unacceptable. that kind of discrimination should not be allowed.

as for your family, they are in denial. just because they ignore it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. maybe they're not aware of the seriousness of HIV. it's time for some real talk. let them know that you will die if they continue to ignore your status.

Bartleby at The Body
Bulletin Board Administrator

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Reged: 02/16/11
Posts: 2
Re: Living With a Passive Agresive Family new
      #254406 - 02/16/11 07:19 AM

Hola Journalist de Colombia !


It is counterproductive to keep nagging your family; be pleasant but keep a certain distance and do not make demands. You should focus rather on finding and building your own strengths. Start with small steps : take long walks on your own ( along with a dog is fine ! ) …take rests and let your mind go blank at times and at others observe and think about the little wonders of nature and how life manifests all over…greet strangers as you pass by and engage in conversation if they are forthcoming ( pleasantries at first and see where it goes , without however ever forcing your way…).

Further, take advantage of membership in whatever free or low-priced activities in your area that might be of interest to you or , if none, just take any available. Keep your eyes open for a part-time job whether in a formal context or not ( say, old people needing home assistance with cleaning, errands, company…)…be shy with your opinions, LISTEN carefully and reflect on your party’s utterances.

Take care of your appearance: thoroughly clean, neat and simple is best : a Dapper look is the aim ; eat quality healthy products focusing on fruits and vegetables and only in small portions to balance height and weight…sleep regularly…and smile !

Monitor your medical data ( basically CD4 and VL but also other pertinent items such as cholesterol and trygs ) and take action when needed by visiting an infectious diseases specialist: be open with him and establish good communication but otherwise keep your medical conditions strictly to yourself – only very rare circumstances would warrant disclosing medical status. When it comes to health, money and sex take privacy as a matter of course : it is nobodyelse’s business but that of a physician to know whether you have HIV or a stomach ache, nor , similarly, whether you have a dime or a million or whether … the territory of your privacy is as big or small as you make it. Occasionally you may have to politely fend off intruders.

As you slowly build your confidence so will your emotional strength and balance, will see you pockets fill at least to make ends meet, and above all attain a capacity to face and deal with challenges, come what may !

This is an advice from the considerable experience in my life : I sprang from the most deprived of the lower–income strata ( no running water available in my dwelling, scavenged rotten fruits at markets for years to survive till early adolescence…) to move, through a process of disciplined intertwining of work and study, to the top universities in the US ( Harvard, MIT) and other countries, learnt a number of languages…all without government assistance much less family help, to move on to plum jobs, then established my own companies, created institutions, undertook various altruistic endeavours…made millions…retreated to be spiritually pampered in the roof of the world…went broke…had a sequence of cancer, stroke, and AIDS ( I had to have it all too ! ) …yet resurfaced again and again, undaunted, with renewed strength and unintentionally impressing physicians by looking 20 years younger ( no surgery ! ) than my age, ready for new challenges be they of my own or uncalled for, while devoting most precious time to delve into the final transition so that the clock does not strike ahead of me.

In sum : focus on and build up your own physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strengths, to come up with your own value and credit framework and aims all along respecting those of others without however necessarily submitting to their opinions and agendas.

Chin up and start walking !
Ponte a caminar !

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