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matteo
Newbie

Reged: 02/06/11
Posts: 1
disclosing status
      #254262 - 02/06/11 10:04 PM

i have been undetectable for 6 years, with a cd4 in the 650-800 range, on regular antiretroviral , and healthy. i have met someone i am falling in love with and have seen each other regularly for a month, we have engaged in kissing and heavy petting, but no intercourse, certainly not unprotected. i want to disclose my status, and want to assure him that he has not been at risk. can anyone help me with some advice?

well i am disappointed. i thought the title of this forum was "living with hiv" and isn't living about loving and accepting? one of the most important components of living with hiv is how to share that journey with others, and i am shocked that there is not anyone with some thoughts about this. anyway thanks and good luck!

Edited by matteo (02/08/11 01:54 AM)

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Brittney
Regular

Reged: 01/27/11
Posts: 26
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
Re: disclosing status new
      #254319 - 02/09/11 11:40 PM

To be honest I did not have to come across that situation. I have already been in a relationship and found out recently and told him right away. If I was in your shoes I would tell them as soon as possible. Granite it was a shock to my partner but after explaining everything to him and clearing up all the myths about the disease he was very understanding and caring. If this person cannot accept you for who you are and what comes along with the package then it really was not meant to be.

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AIDS2HIV
Legend

Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: disclosing status new
      #254342 - 02/11/11 01:22 AM

i tell everyone my status right up front....its actually a great guage on who will be genuine friends and who wont...their reactions are the indicators... like britt said..if they cant accept all of you, its not worth wasting any of you on them..

--------------------
Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

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cunta_stalwart
Grand Master

Reged: 06/27/08
Posts: 175
Re: disclosing status new
      #254448 - 02/20/11 01:32 AM

as you will find many here are not in your situation so advice will not be flooding, you are touching on what is sadly one of the most challenging issues a person will face living with this disease and tbh how you address it is a very personal thing driven by your relationship with the other person, people can advise you based on their own beliefs and experiences but they are very much an individual thing.

one thing you might try and do is somehow bring up the subject of HIV and try and gauge how this person generally feels about the whole thing before you decide on a path.

you don't mention if you are gay or hetro, this can make a difference, hiv is more accepted in the gay community than hetro due to it's history - not saying it should be this way but that is how it is.

you have a huge challenge ahead one that is niether easy or pleasant but it goes with the territory and that is where we are you can't change that.

If I was in a position of being HIV negative and being told by my new partner that they where HIV pos I'd run a mile and that is coming from someone that is infected.......go figure

good luck going forward and I really hope things work out, education is the key if you get the chance to provide it.

--------------------
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost

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Pos_in_Thailand
Guardian

Reged: 02/01/11
Posts: 464
Loc: Thailand
Re: disclosing status new
      #254477 - 02/21/11 11:29 PM

Maybe a good way to bring it up is to ask him if he has ever been tested, does he know his status, how does he feel about people living with HIV, etc.

I would bring it up that way, if I were dating again and meeting someone I really liked and was thinking about having a future with. See what his response is and take it from there. I think it's best to know now rather than later, if he is potentially a good partner for you to have.

Good luck!

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alive2
Guardian

Reged: 03/08/07
Posts: 342
Re: disclosing status new
      #254717 - 03/10/11 04:41 AM

i would bring up the conversation of the state of wolrd affairs and how the world is handeling this virus and the disease. with doing it that way, it seems like your looking into the issues of not yourself but the world as a whole. in doing it this way you will without doubt begin to see where this person stands just on hiv and aids as a whole, if their are no ill conceived ideas the conversation should help you gauge how this person will react when its not about the world and its local(real local). if there is tension, try talking about it in depth to teach your friend what the real issues are. i would think that would give you all the feeling of what this persons real thought and feeling are really about.good luck, take care

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cunta_stalwart
Grand Master

Reged: 06/27/08
Posts: 175
Re: disclosing status new
      #254719 - 03/10/11 05:48 AM

remember something - it is the people who don't know their status that are dangerous, I have some aquaintences that openly admit they constantly have unprotected sex with many different partners, these are the people that contract HIV and spread it

when you have a conversation with your partner and the subject of HIV comes up, ask them this - do you have HIV - if answer is no ask how they know, next Q - do you ever engage in unprotected sex.................you can see where this is going right, people who don't get tested and have uprotected sex are worse than you and very irresponsible

remember if you didn't know your status you'd probably be well engaged with this person by now

--------------------
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost

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Pos_in_Thailand
Guardian

Reged: 02/01/11
Posts: 464
Loc: Thailand
Re: disclosing status new
      #254736 - 03/10/11 07:28 PM

Good points!

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alive2
Guardian

Reged: 03/08/07
Posts: 342
Re: disclosing status new
      #254901 - 03/21/11 12:05 PM

good advice stalwart. i agree with you on this approach.

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