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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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ComeAlive
Newbie

Reged: 06/28/10
Posts: 1
Need dating advice
      #250937 - 06/28/10 11:25 PM

This is the first time I have participated in any type of forum about HIV. I've been pretty secretive about it, only telling a few select friends that I knew I could trust and I've only told one family member. I found out about a year ago now and I accepted it pretty quick. It is what it is and I believe that fate is inexorable. I've been on Atripla now for the past 4 or so months and have been doing very well with no side-effects other than some weird/freaky dreams lately. I work out often and lead a healthy and active lifestyle. It's almost as if nothing has really changed in my life... Except my love life that is.

I'm a hetero white male in my mid-twenties and where I live, it's pretty damn difficult to tell a girl about my status and have her be ok with it. That is the hardest part about this whole deal. I was dating a very nice and beautiful girl when I found out about my condition and when I opened up to her about it, she decided it was more than she could handle. That was a year ago and I haven't dated since then. Now I just started seeing someone and she seems to really be in to me... But I haven't told her yet. In my mind, I am certain that she will not accept it; I don't know what to do. We've seen eachother 3 times now, and I always feel great at the start but towards the end of our date, I just start to feel like crap. I'm not being honest to her and that isn't right. I don't want to let her get attached to me and then come out with this news... I'd feel like a complete ass, but at the same time I'm afraid. Very afraid. I just don't know what to do. If I told her and she didn't accept it, then I'd be hurt but I would get over it. I feel like this is like the lottery, you just keep playing until you eventually win.

I need some advice here....

Thanks.

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Jema
Newbie

Reged: 06/29/10
Posts: 3
Re: Need dating advice new
      #250946 - 06/29/10 06:51 PM

I totally understand what you are feeling. I came out of an 11 year relationship almost 3 years ago sure I would never find anyone who would want to be with me. I was a 39 year old hetrosexual women with HIV related pulmonary hypertension. I was and still am likely to have my heart stop at any moment on top of being HIV positive. I also am on methadone (clean from illegal drugs for 9 years). I felt completely damaged and was sure no one would ever want me. Within a month I met a guy online in his 20's and had a long distance very loving 2 year relationship. We saw each other every couple months for a week or two and talked for hours every day. I told him after emailing each other for 2 months that I had HIV and about everything else and his only concern was for my health. After we broke up I again felt I would not find anyone else. That I had just been lucky. I then met another guy I saw for a couple weeks who also did not care about me being positive. Then reunited with a high school friend for a few months who again did not care about HIV. I then met my fianace who came out from England (I'm in NYC) to meet me (we met on Facebook). It was spur of the moment and I wasn't sure of his intentions so did not tell him before he came. After spending a few hours together I really, really liked him already and had to tell him. It was one of the hardest things I have done as I was sure there was no way I could be this lucky again. These were all drug free, healthy, HIV neg., good looking, financially stable men. When I told him his response was, again, only concern for my health. I later found out that he had been relieved because he really liked me and was afraid I was going to tell him that I wasn't into him. We are getting married in 3 months and I am on top of the world. There are many. many people out there who just don't care. HIV is not looked at the same anymore. It may be hard where you live but these men were from Nevada, England, Long Island. Places you'd think people might have an issue. Just keep looking and stay positive (LOL). There def is someone, lots of someone's out there who would be thrilled to be with you. IM me if you ever need to talk. Good luck my friend!

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NessA610
Newbie

Reged: 07/14/10
Posts: 1
Loc: BrOOkLyn, NY
Re: Need dating advice new
      #251176 - 07/15/10 01:10 PM

I understand totally what you mean C.A. (if I may..=D LoL) A few months ago, i had posted "Alwayz Wondered (-_-)" by NeSSaLuV...(Exact date: 4/29/10) It's not easy being in the age group that we're in, & having the thought of someone we're fond of not reciprocating that emotion b/c of something we cannot or have no control over. For the most part, i'd say to bring up subjects that may pertain to the situation at hand. (ie: maybe you'd want to ask her how does she feel about HIV/AIDS in the world today, so that w/ her response, you may have a better understanding of how to go about talking about yourself). Just prep yourself for a positive (no pun intended), as well as a negative response, but always keep a positive outlook (^_^). There's no telling w/ people nowadays unfortunately "/ .. If she's that girl for you, she'll come around it. *"Love Conquers All"* If not, just remember that it was her loss; not yours. We as positive people are not handicapped, God made us SPECIAL; & for good intent too! ;D Always keep that in mind. Should you ever need a "long distance shoulder" to lean on (LoL... seriously though).... im just a msg away. Take care, keep an open mind, stay strong, be well, and best wishes. Hope all works out to your likeing!! =) *NeSS...*


--------------------
*NeSS wUz HerE* (^_^)

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