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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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New User

Reged: 10/14/09
Posts: 3
HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice...
      #247982 - 10/14/09 10:43 AM

Hey guys, I tested poz in March 2009. Since then, I have recently gotten into a relationship. I let my partner know and he was little hestiant but became okay with it. What a relief, its seems he was a gift sent to me.

Anyway, my question is about sex.

We have had sex....protected and it has been wonderful. However, he (not me) has asked to have sex with me now unprotected. I didnt know what to think at first. I dont want to do it and he get infected, but i also heard that the chances for the top to get infected are much lower than a bottom.

Please guys...anyone, help me with some advice. I dont want some good sex to maes up my jugdgement.

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New User

Reged: 10/01/09
Posts: 5
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248001 - 10/15/09 03:33 PM

If you love him, stay protected!!!!! You know what you went through when you found out you were pos; the thoughts that went through your head, the responsibilities that go with keeping yourself healthy. Do you want someone you love to have to deal with the same thing? Good luck to you and your lover.

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New User

Reged: 09/25/09
Posts: 5
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248006 - 10/15/09 06:10 PM

We should all respect to others and our love one's health ,as much as ours, as we all know it is though fact to accept to live with HIV Pos however , we as HIV pos people we need to be more responsable of our actions and always practice safe sex with the people and lovers we deal with.
And it is nice of you that you mention your current situation to him , I am sure he will understand that you need to have safe sex with him n that shows how much you care and love him more.This is a great topic by the way.

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New User

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 7
Loc: Singapore
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248019 - 10/16/09 07:07 AM

It's his decision as much as yours. Before he decides, he will need all the info available so that he can make an informed choice. He may well decide that the risk is something he can live with should he turn positive. You can't do this risk assessment for him, but you can make sure that he has considered this at least.

Likewise, don't forget that you are part of this relationship equation. I noticed you were worried about getting him infected, but didn't mention anything about your risk from him. You didn't become a lesser person just because you became positive, and have every right to do a risk assessment for yourself. No matter how you trust him, there's always a possibility of catching something from him (e.g. Hepatitis C) - something he may not know he has. And Hep C is worse for people in our condition.

You may well decide that having good sex is worth the risk, and you have every right to think so. Just be sure that you have all the facts, that you have considered all the options, and that you can accept responsibility in future for your own actions should anything bad happen. Don't rush into any important decision like this without a lot of forethought.

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New User

Reged: 05/23/09
Posts: 10
Loc: UK
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248060 - 10/17/09 09:25 PM

Stay protected, for your health and his.

My partner and i now use condoms, both positive but only one on meds make it more fun we buy a selection of condoms...coloured, ripped and some very weird brings fun into the bedroom, never knowing what condom will be pulled out of the draw.

Its a tough question to be asked but i would stand your ground and stick with the rubber


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Reged: 05/13/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248076 - 10/19/09 09:20 PM

My first thought was the same as Darian's,you need to protect yourself.with an already compromised immune system you don't need to be taking a chance on being exposed to any other STD's.I don't understand what would make a person want to have unprotected sex with someone they know is positive.I had the same conversation with the man I used to see.Really after seeing what I went through how could he even think about not using a condom?

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New User

Reged: 09/01/09
Posts: 1
Loc: Netherland and kenya
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248112 - 10/21/09 09:40 PM

what i understand is that if you have been in medication for about six months and your vira load is undetectable , i heard there is very little chance of infecting other person as long as you are doing with one partner only.{THIS IS ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH WHICH HAVE BEEN DONE IN SWISS BY EXPERTIES}

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Reged: 10/21/09
Posts: 31
Loc: Hawaii
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248113 - 10/21/09 11:17 PM

For me, being HIV+ female with a HIV- boyfriend, we sometimes don't use condoms, we've had the discussion that while we know what little risk there is in transmission, there still is some... so we concluded that we would much rather feel good about what we are doing in keeping ourselves protected (him from HIV, and me from the pain of knowing I gave it to someone). We looked at the risks and we asked our selves how would we feel if he got HIV, we both felt its not something we would want to deal with, not something we are ready for (in terms of taking responsibility for our actions). So we do our best to use condoms every time we have intercourse. Sometimes we slip up... it happens and thankfully we are exclusive with only each other. But while everyone points out how your partner should think about things and how he would feel if he got HIV, whats important to me is how would YOU feel if you transmitted to him...? To me thats the most important question to ask yourself... my answer is its not worth the risk of unprotected sex to transmit to ANYONE.
P.S. I'm glad he was understanding about your status:-)


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Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Re: HIV Poz Bttm need sexual advice... new
      #248127 - 10/22/09 07:26 PM

That's a decision that each person must make, but I'd feel horrible if I infected the person I loved.

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