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ScotCharles
Legend

Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 924
Loc: Los Angeles
Choices
      #246714 - 07/26/09 01:03 AM

As many of you know I have the initial stages of HIV Associated Dementia. My partner of 30 years has COPD and congestive heart disease.

Our financial planner has suggested that we should consider our options for care as we become less able to take care of ourselves. As he told, us lingering illness is very expensive and we should plan for how we will pay for the various options open to us. We would like also to stay together until the end. We would like to have as much freedom as we can as long as we can.

One option is to stay in our house in Los Angeles and hire in help as we need it. Under this option, we shall have to maintain our home, arrange our meals, and provide for our entertainment. Once one us cannot be maintained in our home, he shall have to be transferred to a nearby nursing home with the added expenses of care and transportation. At the death of one of us, the remaining partner shall be left alone in our home and shall have to arrange for care and home upkeep by himself. We are not eligible for Long Term Care Insurance, of course.

Another option is to buy a sort of insurance by paying an entrance fee to a Continuous Care Retirement Community, regulated by the State of California, that will buy us a continuum of care from retirement living to assisted living to hospice. As you can imagine, this option is rather expensive and requires both an entrance fee of six figures and a monthly fee in the thousands. We are very fortunate and can afford these fees.

I love my house and garden, but the upkeep is quickly getting beyond me. We are transplants to Los Angeles and have no connections to LA. Recently, we stayed at a five star resort and I wondered aloud to my partner, "Wouldn't it be nice to live always in great hotels?"

An answer to that question seems to be that we should move into a retirement community that provides us with assurance that we will be taken care of through our final illnesses.

Even with that choice, we have choices. One choice is an urban high rise condo in San Francisco near the Opera House, a church dear to our hearts, and our friends from the 20 years we lived in The City.

Another choice is an house in a community in Santa Rosa, 60 miles north of The City. The house would be bigger than The City condo by about 1000 sq. ft. and would sit in landscaped grounds with swimming pools, tennis courts, golf courses, among other amenities.

My partner could arrange care in the local community, but I would need to travel to The City 24 times a year for consultations with specialists not available in Sonoma County. Also, we enjoy the SF Ballet and Opera and would need to travel to The City at least fifteen times a year for those activities. We should also like to go to our old church in The City at least once or twice a month.

I can no longer drive a car, but my partner can; both the Santa Rosa and The City facilities have valet and shuttle services.

Please let me know which of these three choices I should make.

Peace and Joy,

ScotCharles

--------------------
Life is a river.
Carpe diem.

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Jackie__Blue
Legend

Reged: 01/20/07
Posts: 1186
Re: Choices new
      #246717 - 07/26/09 09:11 AM

You guys will ultimately have to make your own decision, but the Condo in SF sounds as if it may be a good choice.

Having traveled around 90 miles for healthcare these past years, I can tell you it becomes wearing to continue to do this. As your health declines, it's certain to be more of a chore.

You have long term friends in SF. That's important. Being in the city means you are close to entertainment. I can't get back into a city fast enough.

Anyway my two cents.

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oldwoman
Guardian

Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: Choices new
      #246720 - 07/26/09 04:42 PM

It sounds like most of what you two enjoy is in SF,do you need the extra 1,000 square feet?Do either of you swim,play tennis or golf?Are they things you would enjoy enough to make up for all the traveling for Dr's visits,church and entertainment?Personally I'd go for SF but that's just me,
I know I didn't answer you question just asked you more,
good luck in your decision
Terry

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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: Choices new
      #246724 - 07/27/09 09:56 AM

Quote:

Another option is to buy a sort of insurance by paying an entrance fee to a Continuous Care Retirement Community, regulated by the State of California, that will buy us a continuum of care from retirement living to assisted living to hospice. As you can imagine, this option is rather expensive and requires both an entrance fee of six figures and a monthly fee in the thousands. We are very fortunate and can afford these fees.

Recently, we stayed at a five star resort and I wondered aloud to my partner, "Wouldn't it be nice to live always in great hotels?"

An answer to that question seems to be that we should move into a retirement community that provides us with assurance that we will be taken care of through our final illnesses.

Even with that choice, we have choices. One choice is an urban high rise condo in San Francisco near the Opera House, a church dear to our hearts, and our friends from the 20 years we lived in The City.




From your post, if I were in your shoes and I had to make a decision based on where to live and how long I will be there, I liked this choice. Ultimately, none of us know when our time is up (which one of you may pass first), how long we will have the freedom that we rely on (such as driving), and from what you told us, this one sounds like it will fit your need and you would be the most comfortable.

Now that I have given my opinion, when you move to San Francisco can I come and visit? I am totally kidding my friend, just I have never been and have heard great things about that city. So when I do make it out to California again, I hope to have the opportunity to meet you and your partner. HUGS to you, I hope you have a wonderful week, and I already know that you are going to make the choice that is perfect for you. D

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Hi_Im_Jason
Member

Reged: 06/08/09
Posts: 16
Loc: Was UK now Australia
Re: Choices new
      #246727 - 07/27/09 08:45 PM

I do hope that whatever choice you make, it is the one that gives you most comfort and peace of mind. I think the important thing to consider is that as time goes by, support and care will be of more value than access to facilities.

All the best
J


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