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pozmarie
New User

Reged: 03/20/06
Posts: 21
Controversial Subject
      #244444 - 02/09/09 09:36 PM

I am a 29 year old woman who has been HIV poz for approx. 10 years. I have a CD4 of approx. 800 with undetectable viral load. I had one daughter young before I contracted HIV and did not get married but remained good friends with her father.
Fast forward 8 years and having been diagnosed with HIV
much earlier and having adapted to living with the condition I could not shake the urge to get pregnant again. I am financially stable and almost own my home outright - I spent 3 years researching the prospect of being HIV poz and pregnant and after getting the full support of my family - I went forward with it. I successfully conceived 2 years ago and have done it again through the donated sperm of my old friend - my daughter's father.

Am I the only one with such strong urges to have children? I see myself as a complete outsider having HIV ... and have forged ahead choosing to conceive as an unmarried woman to further isolate myself from society.

Are there other poz women out there that feel so compelled as I about having children?

Thanks for listening.

PozMarie

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madisongurl
New User

Reged: 01/28/09
Posts: 9
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244447 - 02/09/09 09:48 PM

Oh PozMarie you are not alone! I just tested positive in January and feel like my world is crashing. I'm 32 and want children - but now I don't know?? Am I being selfish to "chance" that my child would not contract this disease?

My boyfriend said we could always adopt, which I know we can but I want to be pregnant and enjoy it. I've never had and maybe never will have that chance to be pregnant and love every minute of it.

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pozmarie
New User

Reged: 03/20/06
Posts: 21
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244449 - 02/09/09 09:59 PM

As a person that has spent many years researching HIV and pregnancy and after now having my 2nd child being HIV poz. I can tell you that if your numbers are solid and you take meds from week 20 until 2 weeks after delivery ... there is LESS THAN a 1 percent chance of transmission.

My doctor has delivered 300 HIV + women and 0 of them had infected babies. Don't give up on this dream that I consider a basic right. Would a child say to a mother after he has been raised - shame on you for giving me life?

Please take your time to deal with the diagnosis... but in time you may be ready indeed to experience the greatest gift of all!

Thanks for writing.

pozmarie

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sick_of_fuckwits
Regular

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244454 - 02/10/09 06:18 AM

I'm not clear which bit is supposed to be controversial here - wanting children when you are HIV-positive, or being an unmarried mother?

By planning the pregnancy carefully and taking treatment, to control your viral load, you can reduce the risk of your baby being born HIV-positive to almost zero. Even if you are just worried about the increased risk of birth defects (caused by the drugs you are taking to control your viral load), then provided you have avoided Videx (didanosine, ddI), the increased risk is minuscule.

As for being an unmarried mother - we are living in the 21st century and, as long as you can provide for that child, moralistic judgements about single parents really should be a thing of the past .. and say far more about the person doing the judging than they do the person being judged.

Every single year, thousands of HIV-positive women give birth to healthy babies; so I would have to suspect that any obstacles, encountered by any HIV-positive woman feeling the need to respond to the most natural of urges, could only be rooted in ignorance.

A guide to HIV, pregnancy & women's health

HIV treatment during pregnancy does not increase risk of birth abnormalities - even when efavirenz included

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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pozmarie
New User

Reged: 03/20/06
Posts: 21
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244455 - 02/10/09 07:16 AM

Ruairi

I appreciate your words of encouragement. I decided to move forward with my 2 pregnancies knowing of the less than 1 percent chance of transferring the virus.

I live in a small city and my children go to a staunch Catholic school and they literally think I am the devil for having children without being married. For me, being a single mom (technically) - means a great deal of persecution.

If only they knew about the HIV - I am sure they would throw us out!

Thanks again

pozmarie

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sick_of_fuckwits
Regular

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244456 - 02/10/09 07:42 AM

I too live in an isolated and deeply religious community .. and can safely say that there are no two greater sources of ignorance and bigotry. You have my sympathy.

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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AIDS2HIV
Unregistered

Post deleted by Becky new
      #244457 - 02/10/09 09:11 AM



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Florida69
Veteran

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244459 - 02/10/09 09:13 AM

1% is not a very big chance, and like AIDS2HIV said our lives are becoming more normal, and yours can be normal with children if that is what you want. D

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cunta_stalwart
Regular

Reged: 06/27/08
Posts: 175
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244478 - 02/11/09 07:51 AM

Ruairi, I think it's time you came out, I get the impression not only do you know one of the doctors on the Body "ask the experts" but I think you either are one or you are at least an MD, you may possibly be posting here directed by our new owners to feel the forum and it's posting memebers.

Hope I'm right as you are a great addition here :-)

PS wish you had been here when I was getting bashed by the old timers that post here mostly to abuse people and impose their vast experience on the lesser newbies, people where so scared of them they where afraid to post here

--------------------
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost

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sick_of_fuckwits
Regular

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Controversial Subject new
      #244479 - 02/11/09 09:35 AM

LOL

I am a Community Treatment Educator and Advocate working for a well-known HIV charity; but I am not here in that capacity. I have no association with The Body or its owners - nor is my return to these forums instigated by them. By pure coincidence, one of the doctors in the Ask the Experts forum is indeed known to me; but only because he is a senior doctor at the hospital where I get my treatment (but given that the hospital is Europe's largest specialist HIV unit and provides care for more than 5,000 HIV-positive patients, there is nothing remarkable about that coincidence) .. and he also supervises the phase IV ONCE Atripla study, in which I am one of the 150 guinea pigs. Apart from that I can assure you that any knowledge I share is simply that which I have accumulated during seven years of living with HIV, or acquired in the processes of being actively involved in / understanding my own care and treatment options.

Sorry to disappoint, but thanks for the kind words though

PS: Which doctor did you think I was?

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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