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mystery2009
Newbie

Reged: 02/02/09
Posts: 2
positive and telling people
      #244295 - 02/03/09 12:59 PM

tested positive and am very scarred about telling people. I am still in contact with the person i caught it from. I dont blame this person, but also dont want them to feel guilty. I do need someone to talk to though. Figure this person would be the best person to talk to. Any advise on breaking the news to them?

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: positive and telling people new
      #244296 - 02/03/09 01:47 PM

Does this other person know that they are HIV-positive?

If they don't (or if you don't know) and you genuinely think they may be the source of your infection, then I think they have a right to know and at least have the choice to do some thing about it (and if nothing else, I think you owe it to other people that person may unwittingly infect).

If the person already knows that they are HIV-positive, and you are genuinely worried about the guilt they may feel, then why would you tell them that you think they infected you? Is that really a prerequisite for telling them that you are HIV-positive and talking to them about it? In that situation I wouldn't have even the slightest qualms about lying about the source of my infection - assuming that it even crops up - although in my experience there is a widespread unspoken rule amongst the HIV-positive community that you don't ask people the who and the how questions.

The person who infected me is still a good friend and, precisely because of the guilt issue and not wanting it to get in the way of the best of friendships, I have deliberately chosen to withhold the knowledge that they infected me. I don't personally see that as being wrong and am quite happy to rationalise that as both the right and the kind thing to do in the circumstances.

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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cunta_stalwart
Grand Master

Reged: 06/27/08
Posts: 175
Re: positive and telling people new
      #244307 - 02/03/09 04:54 PM

be very careful about telling anyone, even very close friends, it is probably better that nobody knows and i mean nobody

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How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost

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hopefulone
Master

Reged: 12/05/08
Posts: 130
Loc: NY, NY
Re: positive and telling people new
      #244309 - 02/03/09 06:18 PM

if you are uncomfortable telling him you might be able to contact your local health department and they can then inform him anonymously...i believe that is how it is taken care of in ny...

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booysie
Newbie

Reged: 10/20/08
Posts: 1
Re: positive and telling people new
      #244330 - 02/04/09 01:49 PM

Depends if you yourself have come to terms with it. The last thing you need is to have someone cry or blame you while you yourself are still not ok with it. I personally suggest you deal with it and depending on the relationship you have and their views open up so they can also feel positive. You also need not feel obliged to disclose to other people anyway unless you have relationship interest (a mature one). Think hard. You know best how to deal with your partner. All the best.

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beauty
Newbie

Reged: 01/28/09
Posts: 8
Re: positive and telling people new
      #244331 - 02/04/09 02:54 PM

I can understand how you may feel about telling people, you are not alone. When I first became hiv positive it was hard and still is hard for me to tell just anybody. Sometimes it's best to say nothing unless your about to get in a relationship with someone and people take hiv differently. Some people are still afraid of it and start treating you different than they would if they didn't know. just ask what's their status to see if they tell you, that's what I did when I found out who and where I got mine from. At first they didn't want to tell me until I told them look I know cause I got tested.It's also good that you don't hate that person, I conmend you!!!!!!

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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: positive and telling people new
      #244480 - 02/11/09 11:52 AM

mystery my advice is to take your time, tell only those that you trust explicitly. Once you have told someone it is impossible to untell them. I have told my support system (I found out I was positive 1/06) I am blessed to have wonderful people in my life, that support me unconditinally. My family did not take it well, but three years later and they have realize they have a choice either accept me and be a part of my life or don't the choice is ultimately theirs. Again, I am lucky to have some wonderful people in my family who with my help have now educated themselves. Support is the most important thing, only tell people you feel will lift you up. Good luck and welcome to the Body... D

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