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Reged: 10/30/08
Posts: 4
A bitter lesson and a warning from Malawi
      #242971 - 10/30/08 11:11 PM

While still struggling to come to terms with my HIV+ status, I received an e-mail from a woman I didn’t know, informing me that the man who had infected me was a talented conman who operates by cleverly manipulating women for sex and money, deliberately infecting them with HIV. It is absolutely heart-breaking to know that the man I thought loved me infected me deliberately. He knew he was HIV+ but told me that he had not had sex since testing negative. By that time, after his persistent and ‘devoted’ courtship, I had fallen in love with him and therefore completely trusted him. My unknown informant was another unsuspecting woman who had fallen victim to his charms – there are several of us. There was never any doubt that it was him who infected me, however, at the time I still believed that our relationship was genuine and I stood by him despite knowing that he had not been entirely honest with me. Never in my worst nightmares would I have imagined the truth - that he had known all along and had deliberately infected me. At the time, I put my pain to one side and comforted him while frantically trying to arrange to have him tested. He cried like a baby and was full of self-pity without ever acknowledging my pain or offering any comfort to me. His all-consuming self-pity, his lack of concern for my suffering while making no attempt to offer any sort of explanation or apology made me doubt the depth of his feelings for me so I ended the relationship. Now I know that his ‘shock’ at testing positive was all an act - he had known all along that he was positive and less than two weeks after the positive test he had with me, he was having unprotected sex with another woman.

I didn’t think that life could get any worse as I have suffered so much this year but now I feel that I have been violated to the very core of my being. All my cherished memories of intimate moments with the man I loved and thought loved me, were all lies being played out by an evil conman while he was trying to pass on his deadly infection. I don’t know if I have the strength to carry on any more. I have cried almost non-stop since I learned about this 3 days ago. I cry myself to sleep and cry again on waking. I have had to take time off sick as I am unable to function as a normal human being. To make matters worse, I e-mailed this woman and shared my story with her. She asked if she could use it to try and expose this man to a group of missionaries from whom he is receiving money by deception. Despite having guarded my status rigorously (my family don’t know and I have only confided in a few friends) I agreed, thinking that the missionaries are far enough removed from my life, so as not to breach my confidentiality. Unfortunately, for me, in her anger, she copied everyone he had contact with through his tourist business on the e-mail including people who know me. The e-mail gave my full name and details of my HIV+ status. Her motives were genuine as she wants to stop him being able to lure any more women but I fear that she has destroyed me in the process. The way I feel at the moment is that I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

This man, Moses Fumbanani Mwale, lures women using his mountain adventure business on Mulanje Mountain in Malawi called ‘Tiyende Pamodzi Adventures’. He seems to be specifically targeting white women although I am sure that he has also infected a number of Malawian women along the way. He is intelligent, attractive, speaks very good English and is very charming. On meeting him, you would never believe that he could be so evil. If you have any connection with Malawi or know anyone going there on holiday, as a volunteer (as I was) or for any reason, please warn them about this man. I don’t want any other woman to suffer the way I have. Unfortunately, it seems we are unable to pursue this legally as it is not yet illegal in Malawi for an HIV+ person to knowingly have unprotected sex. I would like to see this challenged so if anyone knows of any HIV/AIDS organisations that campaign to have HIV laws changed in Africa, I would be grateful if you could give me their contact details. If anyone has any advice about how I can heal from this pain, I would also be interested to hear from you because at the moment I do not have the strength to go on.

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Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 38
Loc: M I A
Re: A bitter lesson and a warning from Malawi new
      #243008 - 11/03/08 01:04 PM

1st of all welcome to the body! Thank you for sharing your story on here.
Lately, I can relate to your bitter feelings of anguish and not wanting to wake up. I'm in a similiar situation where my partner whom infected me couldn't/still can't (10 months later) be of any support to me. I feel so hopeless, and wronged. I never planned on any of this, despite seeing past his HIV + disclosure 2 years ago.
You are a remarkable woman, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


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Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 39
Loc: Belize
Re: A bitter lesson and a warning from Malawi new
      #243012 - 11/03/08 04:53 PM

Hello there,
Well i can also relate to not wanting to get up. I can also relate to being infected by someone i thought loved me. However i was with him for over 9 years. No matter how long it takes we can and will never understand how it turned out that way.
Let me give you some word of advice.. the first thing you need to do is stop focuseing on how you were infected. That ship had landed. God will deal with him. You need to start planning your life as an HIV positive person. Damn really hard i must tell you. I know that it is but damn nooo one can do it for you. We are the onces who share our sadness and our happiness. Prays help alot as well. Just pray and ask GOd to help you to deal with it. Beg him to have others accept you as you are because that will also make your life easier.
Please be strong we women have to be strong, but i also know that men are being strong as well living with this sickness. I am here for you if you need to talk about it.
I focused for a long time on the father of my children and the fact that he did this to me. BUt it didn't get me anywhere, i had to continue liveing... I ask you to do the same.. Find something to live for, i have my children,, if you don't have any then live for the people after you...

Barbara A
Belize City Belize
Central America

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