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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      #226809 - 04/24/07 08:54 PM

just a note to update you all.
it has been a hell of a long i have traveled in the last year and a half. i have come to realize that the best friends i have are the ones i have never even met... those here that continually pray for my safety and well being.
i thank all of you.
i feel like i have let so many of you down. i was the strong one. the one that was always trying my best to lift spirits, unfortunately i dont think i have much lifting left in me right now.
i started counseling today. it went good... i think. tomorrow may be a different story. only god knows how my mood may be then.
i got out... or should say was told to get out, but not before i was robbed of my dignity. i went back to get my kids clothes and mine to, ended with me taking 5 police officers with me. he had his mom there with him... oh goodie. her and i used to be friends until she decided to drive a freight train over me that night. she handed me a bag as i was leaving and informed me "here are your dildo's, so you can spread aids somewhere else". i was so ready to punch the bitch in the mouth. i went the next day and filed a PFA, so i could get my things out of the house. my things are still there, i dropped the PFA, and we were talking. that has since ended as of today. he accussed me of "spending time with my ex". the same night i moved my things out... he went and met up with another girl!!! what is it with me and losers that just want to say they love me so much... then crap all over me?
my counselor opened up orphases that have been shut for years. she told me i do not need to be with anyone... i agree. i know this is going to sound stupid, but i miss my husband. our divorce will actually be over tomorrow. it was over december 28, but because i have a failure for an attorney my final papers were not filed... but it's over tomorrow. i have finally gained a little closure to one chapter in my life. i dont know how to feel. reality is setting in. i am alone.
the counselor i see is an hiv counselor. she is great. she told me that people with hiv now are living 30 years with it. i had a blank look. she asked me if i felt like it was a death sentance. well yes i do. i just wish it would hurry up and be over. i am tired of being miserable and i am tired of all the hurt. i am tired......... i guess i finally reached my breaking point.
right now i am living with my ex mom in law. she is great. her and i get along wonderfully. she told me just because i divorced her son doesn't mean i divorced her. she is my support right now. i am trying to get it together, but it seems like when i think it is going better, another stack of bricks gets dropped on my back. i am building a bridge to china... ten bricks at a time.
my love to you all................
daisey

ps.
i dont have internet at home, so it takes me a while to check back... just know i am safe and that i truely love you all.

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kolo
Regular

Reged: 03/16/07
Posts: 41
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #226815 - 04/25/07 05:52 AM

Hi Daisey,
I know you are going through hell now, my heart is bleeding for you. I however want you to know that to me you are a wonderful person.
You are NOT ALONE!

LOVE YOU.

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James1941
All Star

Reged: 12/05/06
Posts: 97
Loc: Victoria, Australia
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #226816 - 04/25/07 08:58 AM

Daisy,

You did not 'let any of us down'. Ok, you made a mistake, shit, we all make mistakes - actually you made 2, first was going to live with that $*&%^), second was NOT punching her. Glad you now in a better environment. Anything we can do to help, let us know.

James

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James1941
All Star

Reged: 12/05/06
Posts: 97
Loc: Victoria, Australia
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #226817 - 04/25/07 09:13 AM

So, your divorce is now final and you are ALONE????????????????

BULLSHIT

We are always here for you.

As for HIV being a death sentence = not a hope in hell. You not hear what I tell you before? HIV is a bit of an inconvenience, without treatment majority progress to AIDS (and that IS a death sentence) with treatment and proper meds less than 15% of us going to progress to AIDS. Now, going to give you a bit of a challenge, I was born in 1941, I was diagnosed HIV+ in 2005, now my ambition is to see in 2050. Hell, I saw in 1950 (too young to realise), I saw in 2000 (too pissed to understand), when I see in 2050 I will probably be too old to understand but I really going to try. Now, here is the challenge - for me as well as you - I want email from you on 01/01/2050, and I want to be able to reply.

James

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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #226843 - 04/27/07 09:39 AM

Honey, you have picked all us up, let me say to you the words that you said to me, once over a year ago. Sweetie, I am not judgeing you, you have worth. Love yourself first and foremost, the rest will fall into place. I am so pleased that you have a safe place, you so deserve it. You know I have learned that most people call themselves your friends only to be fair weather friends. They are only your friend when it is convenient to them. You deserve much better than that, and you do have that in me. I know we have not met face to face, but you are my friend. A true friend does not ask you for your friendship, they are your friend. I am glad that you didn't hit her, as I am sure you will get your chance latter (every dog has its day), I know you are bigger than that. Maybe it is time for you to stand for Daisey and no one else. You do not need to be with anyone, be with yourself. Honey, if you like yourself, being alone is gravy. Your therapist will tell you the same. I have been where you are, but not with HIV in the picture. Be true to yourself, and no one else will get in your way. I am going to share something that our friend Co shared with me last year, and I hope it helps. http://www.selfcreation.com/

Honey, be good to yourself, and know you will never be alone, you will always be part of our family. Please put your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right shoulder and hug yourself for me. Hang in there girlie, you are deeply loved and missed. D

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #226860 - 04/28/07 09:50 PM

thank you all for your kind words. i love you all and miss you all so much... i am getting better... i think. my new job is keeping me busy, so there is not much time for me to wallow in self pitty. i just feel alone... not because i dont have a man in my life, but because i have no friends here that understand what i am going through.
my love and prayers to you all. i will check in soon.
love
daisey

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alive2
Guardian

Reged: 03/08/07
Posts: 342
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #226879 - 04/30/07 11:43 AM

stay strong lady.althought the remark was unneeded and inappropriate,your better getting out while you can,your stong and you said it yourself,you dont need anyone,you can survive this,with flyin colors,good luck,gary

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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #226890 - 05/01/07 04:32 PM

Girlfriend, email me a number I can reach you at in the evening and we can catch up and be long distance buds. Sometimes those are the best. D

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alive2
Guardian

Reged: 03/08/07
Posts: 342
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #227047 - 05/11/07 12:32 PM

nicely put.lofty goals are those we all strive for not knowing the potential outcome,but to try is an inherant position when it comes to the will in each and everyone of us to survive against all odds.and god knows daisy has had her trials thus far,its time for tribulation,and i concur,shes not alone at all,daisey you still have my couch,for a needed time for you to be pulled out of the duldrums?even thought you wont talk to me on the phone,as i have before,im still here for you.you have shown me,that when you have to pull up those boot straps you can do it.we all love you,in a freindly kind of way,and i know i will be there for you if needed,pm me if you want to talk,gary

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Honesty
Newbie

Reged: 10/02/08
Posts: 1
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #242552 - 10/02/08 10:40 PM

Honey! you are Blessed and just take time to embrace yourself and say I am loved by my ex mother in-law and she's my support. It's ok to feel tired at some point as long as you don't stay tired and give up. Fight the good fight of faith and believe whatever you think you will become it. We can't give up, I believe in my heart there is going to come a time that they will find a cure for this virus and we will be made whole but until then we have keep doing her part and that's staying alive until that time comes.


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ScotCharles
Legend

Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 924
Loc: Los Angeles
Re: spread aids................ NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new
      #242557 - 10/03/08 09:24 AM

Daisy,

I know how easy it is to say to HIV, "Come and get me motherfucker." I am fighting with that thought just now myself. Here's a thought and I apologize for being so academic, but that is how I am.

The existentialsit writer, Camus, said that each day we must chose between suicide and life. The question we must ask ourselves is what is the purpose of my continuing to live today? He believed that in conciously directing our lives with the search for purpose and meaning each day we became responsible for our lives.

Of course if you believe that God has a master plan for your life and you must submit to his will, then you cannot follow an Existential path. I would not presume to interfere with a person's core beliefs. Even I believe that the miraculous is all about us, but we must chose to see it. Choice is the essence of Existentialism and is embodied in the Christian notion of the free will of human beings to chose to shut God away or to open your heart to Love.

I have had many times when thoughts of suicide crowded out all other thoughts in my mind. I have found that finding a reason to live one more day gives me the strength to go on. Today is all there is really, the past is done, and the future is uncertain.

Daisy, my friend, take it one day at a time. Don't worry about the past or let it interfere with the joy and meaning of a new day. Don't worry about the future, the choices you make today set the future in motion as certainly as the minute hand on a clock moves the hour hand. The past is not prologue. Today, you can make choices that change all your tomorrows.

I am sending you thoughts of peace and love,

ScotCharles

--------------------
Life is a river.
Carpe diem.

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