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Spotlight Series: HIV Stigma and Discrimination

HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Mark Lager

Sex and HIV
      #2251 - 04/04/00 07:44 PM

Hello all-
I'm in a moral quandary...I am positive with an undetectable viral load. I have had sex with a couple guys (safe in my estimation). One guy asked me outright if I were positive; I said yes. He freaked and for the next hour I counseled him. He said "we deep kissed and I have sores in my mouth; and you rubbed your spit around my ass."
The other guy said he did not want to have sex with a positive person, it was too risky. However, we met a couple months ago, and have had sex twice. Once he [censored] me with a condom, and once I sucked him off. It has never been unsafe. I don't know...should I tell him? I feel morally obligated; he has been beating around the bush on this issue, but never directly asked. Like Pres. Clinton, I have managed to answer truthfully, but not completely.
Waht would you do?

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Re: Sex and HIV new
      #2253 - 04/04/00 07:45 PM

Listen, I know your situation and it has to drive you crazy. I'm a heterosexual hemophiliac and was diagnosed in '84. I've had some time to go through these experiences. If you do not tell your partner, eventually you are really going to hurt someone you care for. I don't necessarily mean physically, but emotionally. Then you get dumped...then you become afraid of intimacy...then you build walls to protect yourself... Be realistic; most lovers are going to run the other way as far as sex is concerned...but there are those out there who may be o.k. with it. Maybe you need to go slower.
Take care....

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Re: Sex and HIV new
      #2255 - 04/04/00 07:46 PM

I too feel a moral obligation to let my partner's know before hand that I'm poz. It's better than them finding out later (even if you did practice safe sex) and then trying to bring you up on criminal charges. They've made it a felony in some states. As if we didn't have enough to worry about!!! If you knew he didn't want to have sex with someone poz before you guys had sex, keep your mouth shut. It'll just piss him off that he told you and you ignored it. If you found out later, then tell him--after all you did practice safe sex. He was protected! Take care. Doug

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Re: Sex and HIV new
      #2257 - 04/04/00 07:47 PM

i think you are obligated to tell your partners after all there is no such thing as safe sex only safer sex its not fair to other ppl to not let them make an informed decision.

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Red Angls

Re: Sex and HIV new
      #2260 - 04/04/00 07:48 PM

OK Doug!!.....You've managed to piss me off....So I'm gonna yell.....YOU HAVE A FREAKEN OBLIGATION TO ANY PERSON WITH WHOM YOU HAVE PROTECTED OR UNPROTECTED SEX WITH......ITS IDIOTS LIKE YOU THAT HAVE EXPLODED THE AIDS POPULATION......I for one was lied to and not in gods name to date that I am not HIV+ remains to be seen over the next year.....::Frowns::....And as well it should be a felonly criminal charge to knowingly expose and spread the viral millemium demarcation of society......better known as as for the original author of this have to find the courage in yourself to tell the owe it to yourself and to him....please read my response to Where is your Rage!?
Always fly in the Light

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Re: Sex and HIV new
      #2263 - 04/04/00 07:49 PM

So are you suggesting that people have no responsibility to protect their OWN health? I'm HIV+, but I don't tell sex partners (unless they ask) about my status. I also don't do anything that carries significant risk to the other person. If they want to suck me, for example, though, I'll let them. I won't cum in their mouth, but I'll let them perform the oral sex. If someone wants to be completely sure of staying HIV=free, they need to police themselves, and not do risky things. Nobody should depend on their partner to "tell all" without being asked. And, frankly, I don't feel obligated to tell in this situation. There's nobody out there today who isn't aware that sex comes with risks.

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