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Terribly upset with HIV+ boyfriend
      #212855 - 10/26/06 09:51 PM

Hi - I really need some good advice, cause I'm so scared and disappointed. Yesterday we had a condom breakage. The thing is he tried to "hide" the condom when he pulled out. Of course I noticed it was torn. Then he said something really stupid; "it's only torn a little"...;(
To be honest I'm really shocked with this reaction, and in addition to the fact that I might be +

I insisted on going to emergency - and am now to take videx/combivir for four days. Is this really efficient?
He is is undetectable, and takes medication.
I am just so upset. Do I really have to wait 8 weeks to find out if I'm +? Should I continue treatment more than the 4 days of videx/combivir?

Please answer - I feel so bad:((

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Re: Terribly upset with HIV+ boyfriend new
      #212862 - 10/26/06 10:04 PM

I can undersand why you are upset, but I do think you are being hard on your partner. His reaction was most likely due to his own concern over all this and not knowing how to deal with it. I'm sure he probably died a bit inside when he realized. Most of the world doesn't intentionally harm others.

You are on PEP. Very importantly, he is undetectable. Exposure never means automatic infection, especially when a person is undetectalbe.

You have done the right things. Take a deep breath. The chances are very good that you will remain negative.

Good Luck.

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Reged: 10/19/06
Posts: 21
Re: Terribly upset with HIV+ boyfriend new
      #212869 - 10/26/06 10:41 PM

Yes the poster b4 me was 100% correct altho I dont understand the whole hiding the condom thing myself especially when you know all about his status in the 1st place and to be honest I cant think of a bigger thing than your life to play with and if this is how he protected your health I am sorry but he needs to go in no uncertain terms. I would literally "die" fo my old lady and I mean that with all of my heart and I am sorry and I know you wont listen anyway but a few years down the road when you find out that this guy doesnt love you because there is no way that he does if he could pull this at all and I dont wanna hear that he would have told you later.................. HE TRIED TO HIDE IT!!!! Meaning he was never going to bring this up again and thats as low as it gets and so Im sorry but theres just NO WAY that this guy is reliable, trustworthy and deserves all the sacrifices that you are making to go out with this guy. U may hate me but the truth often hurts but in years to come you will either remember this and thank me or you will stay and remember this day when I told you that your nuts if you stay with this dude, dont walk but RUN................ away from this guy or your going to live to regret it. Find yourself a nice guy that loves you and wants kids and all that good stuff and be a normal family, do U need all these sacrifices with a guy that was going to hide this from you? Cuz if you stay.............. ........ you will remember this post one way or another I PROMISE you that!


Thanx for posting!


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Thanks for good answers! new
      #212901 - 10/27/06 07:06 AM

Thanks Pete for a great answer. Yes, deep inside I know you are right, and that is of course why I'm so upset. And instead of saying, sorry - I was stupid, or something like that, he says that I should not doubt his love for me... !

Am I being hard on him? Maybe - yes he panicked probably. And it's not great to go to the hospital in the middle of the night, and staying there for hours. So better leave the trouble... But frankly, I think that in this situation, one should always be truthful. You are right - it hurts.
So I thank you for actually confirming what my inner feelings are telling me, Pete. But l seriously doubt if I'll ever want to love anyone again...;(

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Re: Terribly upset with HIV+ boyfriend new
      #212936 - 10/27/06 02:35 PM

Don't dispair,He,s probably as upset as you are and was trying to make you feel better the best way he knew how.You did the right thing by going to emergency.This happened to aa friend of mine and everything was O.K. for him,BUT as with any condom there is the danger of tearing and the safest sex is no sex.I doubt very seriously that he planned this. Be nore upset at the manufactor of the condom.

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Re: Terribly upset with HIV+ boyfriend new
      #213006 - 10/28/06 03:43 PM

Antipete is so so right...down the road you will find that this man doesn't care for your well-being...HIm saying "It is only torn a little" shows that he doesn't care...I am currently in a relationship with a negative woman...THough it gets hot and heavey sometimes we both made a pact to restrain from intercourse for now...Ask him (your partner) how he would feel about that...
You did the right thing in going to the emergency room though PEP's are still in contoversy right now...
You will make the decision "I hope" before it's too late".
You should stay on the PEP for at least a month.
Good Luck!!!

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Re: Terribly upset with HIV+ boyfriend new
      #213039 - 10/29/06 04:50 AM

Sorry to hear of your incident, and realize the stress you are currently under.

I have to disagree with those who think your boyfriend is only thinking of himself. Then again, I'm the kind of person who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. In my opinion, he was trying to ease your mind.

Yet, I wasn't there for the conversation during which you insisted on going to the ER. So, I can't speak for how he portrayed himself during that time.

Initially, it seems he was trying to ease your mind and his... imagine the guilt he feels right now. Possibly infecting someone he cares deeply for... you can't imagine what's going through his mind right now.

Talk to him, and ask him what was going through his mind at the time he realized what happened.

The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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