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Have I been gone that long?
#208759 - 09/27/06 01:21 AM
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Hi everyone,
I know it has been such a long time and I miss you all so much. I have been really just trying to get myself together. I has been a year now since my sweet beautiful husban died and needless to say I did not take the anniversary very well. I went to my support group and cried like a bitch. Thank goodness it is nothing but women. Two days before that I got news that an article was out in a local magazine that disclosed my status along with my name(MY WHOLE FUC$#*** NAME!!!!!)and how I contracted it to the entire local area. I have babies that go to school here. One of my friends saw the paper where she works. How many other people saw it too? It seems they got the info from my church where we have an HIV Ministry. The Pastor also gave up some info about me as well. How can people be so thoughtless. No one will know how much I loved my husband and how I took care of him and the love that we shared despite us both being poz. They will just look at us as another statistic. I have sinced resigned from the Ministry and stopped all contact with my Pastor. I have been so stressed out that I almost had myself committed to the psych ward. I can't stop crying and I miss my hubby so much that I can't see straight. I have broken off my engagement becasue I know that there is no room for anyone else. I feel bad but I knw that in my heart I am still married. What has happened to my life?
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HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!
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well the lost one came back home,lol,hi moon,how have you been other than what you have posted already?i myself would look at the practices of the church and its principal ideas of privacy which is expected through the chuch.i would find out who gave permission to write that stuff in the paper,and sue the holy shit out of them.if you have a likeness or name in print without your consent ten its illegal,im not sure how it works thee but in ny i would go nuts with lawyers and advocacy agencies to help in this situation.i hope your children arent going to be singled out,you know how kids can be so cruel.i feel its terribly irrisponsible of the church of all places to hav articles to put them in the limelight and you the member of its congregation in harms way to possibly further its own agenda whatever it may be,bring in more people who dont have the same worries as you or just to get a bit of exposure to reach out to others who want a place of worship.either way i feel its wrong,do your children know? if you dont mind me asking?i hope you the best in this very touchy situation you find yourself in.i hope the best for you in your response to it.dont be gone so long,take care
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IzPoZ
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Guardian
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Reged: 01/24/05
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Posts: 398
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Loc: FTL, Florida
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Moon,
Glad to see you posting again!
Maybe getting into a relationship so soon after losing your husband was a bit quick. It's good that you see that you truly aren't ready for another marriage just yet. I'm sure he's good to you and you want to be around him, but taking it slow is a good thing too.
Living through the first anniversary is difficult. Not as easy as some would think. I had a difficult day myself, but thankfully, didn't have a breakdown. I think dealing with my father's death 3 days before the anniversary kind of took the edge off of it.
I hope things turn out well for you from the magazine issue. Just take things day by day, and deal with them as they come along. Don't stress over it unless you have to.
Be well, Moon. Take life easy.
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The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.
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Bear60
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Legend
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Reged: 12/21/05
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I dont have time for a LONG reply but...even tho you dont seem to be in such a great place, welcome back. Seems you need a shot of reality....so here goes.... honey once you put the information out there you have little control over it. I dont see anything out of the ordinary in the publication of your story. Get used to it. You have become the poster child for HIV and AIDS. Maybe you can go a step further....OPRAH here you come. There is a campaign to get ecveryone 13 to 64 tested for HIV....get out there and make the most of your celebrity.
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6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
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Angel_Ronnie
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Guru
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Reged: 06/01/06
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Loc: Gauteng, South Africa
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a Ministry is there to support you and be of good cause not to exploit people to make the Ministry look like Mother Teresa for making peoples details and status known to a community. Otherwise all hiv positive people should wear a scarlet letter Hiv/Aids on their chest for the world to see it is hard already disclosing it to potential partners think of how it will feel if your Pastor has to disclose your status to the whole community. He was in the wrong here because he was approached to confide in and keep it confidential.
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"Live for today, because what you do today is what you use to make your future"
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sadface
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Legend
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Reged: 02/15/06
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Oh hon..Gosh..so much has happened, I am so sorry. We ask ourselves "Why me?" And I wish I knew why because then I would give you many words of encouragement. You have come so far, do not let something like this stop you in your tracks. Yes, you have HIV. So what! I like YOU, the person that YOU are. I don't think you realize how much you have been missed and how much you are needed by your kids, family, friends ect. We are here for you...pm me if you want to exchange numbers. Talk to Daisey too, she has been going through a lot too. We all need to be one anothers support system.
Love to you,
Mis
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bear i understand what your aiming at,but i dont think the information was put out on a board to be published and displayed for all to see and ponder,i feel it was a self serving minister and a terrible jugdement on his part,either way its definitly a wrong thing to do.
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Bear60
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Legend
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Reged: 12/21/05
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Alive......yup...well heres a story that I find similar.....a friend of mine came to visit. He is a well known physician in Seattle and has had quite a fantastic life. A friend of mine here asked him if he could do an interview and have it published in one of our local papers. The physician is not out(as gay) to anyone in Seattle. But he must have felt comfortable since we are on the opposite side of the country...and he gave the interview. It appeared in the paper and was then put online for the whole world to see. When he googled his name....this article came up in first place. OMG...he was horrified, he was pleading with me to get my friend to have the paper yank it.etc etc. Hey this is 2006...if you do an interview it gets out there...especially one with juicy news like he had. ( we did eventually get the article yanked)
Now, isnt this an opportunity for MOONSTAR to hold her head high and say...yes I am HIV positive......I am a wonderful human being and I deserve to be respected. Listen to my story.
I know its a hard pill to swallow......but what choice does she have at this point.
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6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
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Right Alive!!!! OK but I did not give permisssion for ANYONE to talk about me...to me...etc.. etc.. etc... She was doing an article about a woman in our church who's son was killed in 911. That has nothing to do with me. She contacted this wonan to get her consent to print her name in the paper....WHY THE HELL DID SHE NOT GIVE ME THE SAME REPSECT AND COURTESY. I BLAME MY PASTOR BECAUSE SHE OPENED THIS PANDORA'S BOX. SHE SHOULD HAVE NOT EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT ME WITHOUT SAYNG SOMETHING TO ME FIRST. SHE DID NOT EVEN TELLME THAT SHE TALKED TO THIS WOMAN ABOUT ME AND THAT SHE TOOK THE BROCHURE FORM THE CHURCH. SHE JUST SHRUGED IT OFF AND SAID SHE HAD NO IDEA THAT SHE WOULD USE THE INFORMATION. POSSIBLY SHE WAS TRYING TO DO A GOOD THING BUT JUST WENT ABOUT IT THE WRONG WAY. I DID HAVE IT PULLED FROM THE INTERNET, BUT THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE. THOSE WHO ARE NOT POZ DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT WE CHOOSE HOW WE TELL OUR STORY AND WHO WE TELL AND IT IS NOT ANY*****BODY ELSE'S TO TELL. HELL NO I DO NOT WANT TO HOLD MY HEAD HIGH. I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE AND ENJOY MY KIDS. THEY ARE JUST BABIES AND THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE THEIR LIFE DEFENDING THEIR MOTHER TO ANYONE.
AM I A LITTLE BITTER.....MAYBE.....BUT WOULDN'T YOU BE?!!!
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HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!
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i can see you point very clear,but the friend was asked about the interveiw,therefor he had a notion it was for publication.but in moons position,she never had an idea or expectation her status was going to be published,and by her reaction im sure she didnt want that to happen,after all it was a responce of the church without her concent,so there is the difference,if not i feel she wouldnt be so worried about it,but as you say too,it is a good way to turn it into aa good scenario also,if thats the direction she takes,but it has to be her dission not something shes forced into as a non choice but a forced hand.thats how i interprit it.just by her reaction i feel she had no intention of having this information out in the world,i took it as it was something they took apon themselves to publish.and i take this as she was only in that ministry for the information and support you can receive as a member of a congregation,not as if it is a ministry for hiv/aids church with filming going on with full notice to the members.i totally respect your take on it,mabey i have to go back and re read the post,i think i interpreted her reactions correctly,maybe im wrong,but i dont want to bicker with anyone here,i want to give support and helping advice as i can without anyone not liking me or without confrontation,respectfully,take care
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thanks for the clarification on this issue,i was haveing a conversaion and thought i was reading your post correctly,me next move would be to get a responce from the publisher of the article and from the writer,and demand a resolution to this unfortunate situation,just fro the sake of sanity and clarification.your right you have the right to privacy and tell whomever you want at your dission not someone elses lack of respect forcing you to deal with a situation that may make you uncomfortable and force your reaction and responce either way.im with you on this moon i really am.if you want to talk more on this pm me i will help you where i can,and however i can.take care
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AIDS2HIV
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Legend
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Reged: 12/19/05
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i understand you being angry, and feeling betrayed. But when ya take all those things out of this, the answer to this dilemma is simple...
"Hiv is a part of me, it does not define me"
those feelings are making you allow it to define you. Dont worry about your children and what others will say, your children know hiv is only a part of thier mom, just dont start teaching them now, that it defines you. Your children love you for who you are, not for what you are. On the bright side of this, you now have alot less disclosing to do in your life, and when you do have to disclose, this will make it easier for you. Dont throw things away that are good in your life, over something that has momentarily made you angry....remember hon, adversity is simply oppurtunity with a mask on, take the mask off this situation and sieze the oppurtunity*
If ya need to talk im here, Good Luck & God Bless*
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Bear60
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Legend
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Reged: 12/21/05
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Co....that was to the point!!! We can always count on you.
Let me add.....HOW one reacts and Handles a situation like this will garner respect or shame. I'd go for the respect if I were you Moonstar. Yes, I am saying to choose the high road: be patient with people you are angry with and try not to alienate anyone, explain to the kids what is going on so they will understand, perhaps put out a press release of sorts to your church , definately inform the person who wrote the story that she should have contacted you first.
Remember, you cant put the spilled milk back.
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6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
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franfrog
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Legend
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Reged: 01/05/06
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Loc: NJ
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Char,
Through all this I just want to say I am sorry you had to go through all of this. I am glad to see you back and hope you are here for the long haul now. We are all here for you.
I am not going to comment on the article since everyone will always have their own opinion on if it was right or wrong. If you should hold your head up or kick some ministry a**. All I am going to say is I am here if you need to vent and if you need to talk call me. All I am going to say is you do what is comfortable for you.
Love ya!
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you know its kind of funny,only people who want to be know of this have been saying exactly that,the point is simple,she didnt want this to come out this way.i dont understand all of you,arent you reading what shes writing?i understand most of you dont care but here we have a person looking for some understanding to what she wants not what you all think she wants.its all clech for all of you who dont care who knows but here is a young lady who does care who does,and moreso how it was done against her knowledge and expressed permission.and here all along i thought you were all here to help and support,apparently i was sadly mistaken,your only here to advise someone of what you think is right or wrong based on your personal opinion,not hers,is she not entitled to have her say and opinion?or is this site becoming more of a general consensus of who agrees with who and we will post accordingly,im very asshamed at how this one is beginning to have an overtone of all you saying she shouldnt have any worries about it,what if it were someone whos having issues with contemplating a serious self hurting situation or depressed,your advice from the majority here is shitty at best.everything up untill now is based on how you all feel and think,learn to read what shes saying and then when your done mabey,just mabey you will see that what im printing has a very big amount of support for her in her own desire to be private,good god,its shamefull all of you are doing exactly what the church has done,serve your own agendas,without feeling the slightest bit of shame.jno different than the church,also another place where she was hoping for some respect and privacy toward her wishes.this is also a prime example of why some people do want a hetero place,for this very reason.you people here who are openly gay dont care who knows what and it really pisses me off to no end that you dont respect another person for who they are and what they feel,this is bullshit.i had no problems untill this,now its a very big one,sure the info is out there,but to ignor what her wishes are and for you all to turn it into a fiasco of oh well its easier now,well it isnt for her,and to have the lame thinking it is,is totaly wrong.and theres no excuses for it.to think most of you say you know whats best for someone elses life,your all wrong on this.she got kids for christs sake,what part of cruelty dont you understand that she feels betrayed by her church of all places.anyone who thinks its not going to bother her pissed me off to say fuck you all,non of you spinless fuckers have an ounce of shame,or care for people as you all say,i dont give a shit who i piss off either,now i truly understand why people leave this site,your all self serving assholes.to bad you dont like my opinion,not one of you asked moons and thats the reason i cant stand this bullshit you are serving her,it dispicable and it outrages me to no tomorrow,
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