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I don't know if I'm HIV+
#2078 - 04/04/00 02:22 PM
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I don't know if I'm hiv+ or not. I personally think it is because
I have so many symptoms like swollen nodes in my neck, always
tired, itchy red spots over my body, cough (PCP maybe),
diarrhear, dizzy all the time. They simply last too long (more
than 5 mons). So what else it could be? I have been tested 3
times, even 15 mons after the only possible exposure, all
officially negative. The stree and and depression are unbearable.
Everyday I spend hours to surf the net and try to find out
evidence that I'm not infected. I almost go crazy and
disappointed. I know I have to live a normal life before the
diagnosis. Currently I'm doing my master's degree in Canada, I
know I could not afford the expensive combo, so the only way out
if I'm hiv+ is to live until I die without a treatment. I have a
happy family and a lovely girlfriend. I will not tell them
because that will hurt them too much. Short term pain is better
than long term. I will suicide when I'm getting too ill. I hate
myself. I destroy my life and other people's happiness by
stupidity. That's the only big fault I've ever done, and this
fault is going to lead my life to the end although I'm too young.
I'm just 25, male. I don't belong to those risk group. I'm a good
person amoung friends, good students in school and good child to
my mom. I never make her worry about my study or any other thing.
I feel guilty and sorry for my parents especially my mon. I don't
know what will happen to her if she lose her only son! When I
write this, tears burst out. Everyone, no matter who you are,
please live a traditional life, loves your family, loves you
partner for life. Don't try those risky thing. We live only once.
lives should be easy, comfort, or at least hopeful. please
cherish you life and other people's happiness. Any story related
to my experience or suggestions and appreciated. Please write to
me: z123_1998@yahoo.com
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If you tested negative 15 months after possible exposure, you do
not have HIV. But if you're still concerned, go get tested one
more time. Anyway, many of the symptoms you described sound like
stress! And based on the pain evidenced in your posting, you've
got PLENTY of stress. You should talk to someone at a local AIDS
support group or agency so that you can put your fears to rest. I
wish you well,
Dave
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I know you posted this months ago- but I just saw it. There is NO POSSIBLE WAY that you have HIV after testing 15 months after the last possible exposure. 6 months is the absolute longest it would take and most people seroconvert after 2-3 months.
Please see a doctor for your symptoms - I could be tuberculosis or another curable problem. Be well.
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