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Anonymous
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NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX
      #200355 - 07/17/06 12:59 PM

I previously posted this in The Gay Men section... with a bit more to it... but I believe I asked too many questions or too many directions.. so I'm going to try again, more direct at the real issue I'm concerned with :)

So I've been positive for the entire length of my 2 and a half year relationship. My bf knew this going into it, and yet he openly accepted the risk because he genuinely cared for me. About 9 months ago I began using meds, and suddenly the little disease that was in the back of my head, became VERY VERY real. I am extremely successful in my career, blessed with an abundance of kind and loving friends, financial investments that have paid off well and my relationship up to this point has been perfect. I have a solid, stable head on my shoulders and have been able to absorb all of the ups and downs of HIV without any major bumps in the road. I am mentally strong and confident in ALL that I do.... until now. Suddenly, in the past few months, when my bf and I attempt to be intimate... I shut down. I panic, a million things race through my mind. I know that I care about him a great deal and my panic stems from the fear that I may infect him...

I have read quite a bit about other people in similar situations and I just wanted any guidance/advice/options to move past this. I care about my bf a great deal, and want to try and make this work. It is simply pulling us further apart in our otherwise "perfect" relationship. Has anyone else worked through this? If so, how? Or is it just one of those damn things stuck in my head that I have to "work through?" Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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Anonymous
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Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200376 - 07/17/06 03:37 PM

Doesn't sound uncommon at all, perhaps counseling would help? I too am in a discordant relationship and have similar fears since my mate refuses to use condoms. I stay non-detectable, and I am the bottom so I never share my semen or fluid with him internally. I realize there is still a risk, but it is reduced, and maybe this is how I deal with it, by minimizing it as much as possible. He gets tested every 6 months, and we get the lecture on safe sex every time. I guess control what you can, take care of yourself, and minimize the risk as much as possible. But that thought/feeling will always be in the back of your mind, you just have to deal with it the best you can. Or like I said, seek professional help....

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AIDS2HIV
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Post deleted by Becky new
      #200389 - 07/17/06 04:12 PM



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200408 - 07/17/06 07:48 PM

WOAH! No need to jump to conclusions there kiddo! Never said that we had unprotected sex!!! We practice safe sex, but nothing is 100% I contracted HIV from a incident involving a condom that slipped off, so even safe sex aint all that safe to me. The most minimal percent of a chance is STILL a chance and because I care about him agreat deal it really bothers me. I've learned plenty from this disease... I'm intelligent enough to use a condom!

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AIDS2HIV
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Post deleted by Becky new
      #200409 - 07/17/06 08:10 PM



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Anonymous
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Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200418 - 07/17/06 09:20 PM

I didnt ask to be repremanded for the proper vs improper use of a condom! Its a situation I've had to deal with and will continue to live with for the rest of my life. I don't know many people that practice the act of checking a condom every five seconds in the heat of the moment! You try it next time! Would appreciate if you could drop the negativity and stick to the tpic at hand! We're all supposed to be here for support right? Not to put each other down?

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AIDS2HIV
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Post deleted by Becky new
      #200423 - 07/17/06 11:08 PM



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Anonymous
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Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200429 - 07/18/06 12:18 AM

I don't feel any need to explain myself to you and your ridiculous behavior, but for the record, I am comfortable and confident with myself and who I am. I believe in who I am and accept the choices I have made in my life because they make me the strong person that I am today. We all have our ups and downs in life and sometimes we seek compassion and UNDERSTANDING from people "on the same boat." Again, aren't we all supposed to be here for one another to provide ADVICE, GUIDANCE & SUPPORT! THAT IS WHAT I AM ASKING FOR! And I don't think it is going to come from anyone with an unkind attitude such as yours. So I'd appreciate it if you could act mature in this matter and leave well enough alone.

Is there anyone out there who would like to offer any words of wisdom of my real issue at hand here? Any encouragement would be greatly appreciated!


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AIDS2HIV
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Post deleted by Becky new
      #200439 - 07/18/06 07:04 AM



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alivehoping
Veteran

Reged: 04/05/06
Posts: 655
Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200442 - 07/18/06 07:12 AM

try registering and come back,your anonomous means your hiding,get real with yourself before slinging mud around here,then you might get some kind of advice,compassion,or whatever else your looking for.remember you came here looking for something valuable,and to get antsy isnt going to get you far,here or anywhere you go in life,you get what you give,try being a little more laid back and listen first.then you may find everone here is here to help,not hinder.take care

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IzPoZ
Regular

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200443 - 07/18/06 07:14 AM

To the first Anon (dang, wish you guys would use a log in or something) A2H isn't preaching to you, he's preaching to the second Anon who has ADMITTED to not using condomn...

Now, for the first anon, perhaps seeking peer groups in your area to help discuss this with people who are going through the same thing you are experiencing. It's difficult when reality sets in, and you have to face the fact that you ARE HIV+ and that is a part of your life..... just like if you were diabetic, etc.

Dealing with your emotions can be a hard road, but one that you can accomplish if you take all things into perspective. The only thing that is different now is that you are taking medications. Talk to your doctor about possible side effects that may be causing your depression. It's worth a shot.

Try exercising at least half an hour a day, go for a brisk walk (sorry, I'm a fan of walking), do it every morning when you get up, that way you are awake and full of energy. Trust me, it will help.

Good luck to the first Anon.

And people, if you don't want to be confused with other "Anons", get an alias and log in... you don't even need to use your REAL name for pete's sake!

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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alivehoping
Veteran

Reged: 04/05/06
Posts: 655
Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200444 - 07/18/06 07:15 AM

if your condom slipped off,then it wasnt safe sex.try one that fits correctly,the only things that should slip off are clothes

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200480 - 07/18/06 01:07 PM

Thank you for sticking to the meat and potatoes! :)

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200481 - 07/18/06 01:16 PM

I'm going to move forward. I truly feel sorry that you gain some sort of satisfaction out of throwing words around at others seeking guidance. I hope that you can find whatever light or enlightening moment it takes to pull you away from the cold, bitter and angry disposition you posses towards the world. I wish you well with that. No more responses, no more words. Best of luck.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SEX new
      #200482 - 07/18/06 01:16 PM

I'm going to move forward. I truly feel sorry that you gain some sort of satisfaction out of throwing words around at others seeking guidance. I hope that you can find whatever light or enlightening moment it takes to pull you away from the cold, bitter and angry disposition you posses towards the world. I wish you well with that. No more responses, no more words. Best of luck.

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