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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction
      #197086 - 06/22/06 01:35 PM

update:
as yesterday proceded it only got worse. several days ago i found 2 text messages on his phone. well when i could not figure out who they were from, i sent the number a reply say "hey. what are you doing?" she called back. well apparently she did not know me and she did not know the hubbie and from her text messages it seemd as though she did know him, but i let it go at the fact it must have been a glitch in the phones. i waited a few days and asked him who it was and was told he did not know, but he was going to send a message back asking who was texting him. i let it go at that, at least until i could go online and get this months cell phone bill and see if he has ever dialed the number. really, i was not surprized at finding her number on the bill in may, but more so i guess i was surprized that he thinks i am stupid.
the 2 messages she sent were basic, but you could tell it was a female. "i dont remember when you were going on your trip. have a good time. i think that is great." was on both messages. well we were suppose to go out of town together when i took vacation, but he thought memorial day was in july.... supposably. he did not go out of town with us. so he must have called her in may and she sent the text messages in june and of course.... he does not know the number, but he dialed it before.
about a month ago i had been in the bath tub, when i came out he had gotten in my purse and cut up my credit card. i told him i did not appreciate him getting in my purse. i thought it was mine, but if i am wrong then he could start carrying it. it was fine though because he also cut his up. i checked the mail the other day. one envelope had a credit card in it. i just figured he got a new credit card, not from the same place. he was talking to the neighbor, so i opened the envelope. well, he ordered a replacement card for himself, not for me though. well when i went through the calls on his portion of the cell phone, i spent half a day calling the 800 numbers, the landline numbers, and cell phone numbers that i did not recognize. he told me when he replaced his card that he did it online and the site would not let him click on replacing my card. well one of the 800 numbers was to the credit card place, so i stayed on hold and spoke to a rep about when my card was going to show up. i was told that it was not going to, because he only requested his to be replaced. i asked if he could replace it online without having to call and was told no, he would have to call in to report the cards lost or stolen and to replace any of the cards. liar, liar, pants on fire. everything that comes out of his mouth is nothing but one lie after another.
i confronted him this morning on the credit card, but i am still waiting on the issue with the girl, until i get more info gathered up and feel the time is right..... like maybe the next family function!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my dentist office today told me that i should not have to live like this and that i should never have to be a spy or feel like i should have to spy.... i told her with me having hiv, i really did not see anyone else wanting me, and even if they did want me..... my crotch is now considered a weapon of mass distruction thanks to him. she just about pissed her pants from the laughter.
love you all
daisey

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alivehoping
Legend

Reged: 04/05/06
Posts: 655
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197088 - 06/22/06 01:54 PM

dont be so hard on yourself its not healty,as for your crotch being a weapon of mass destruction,i really cant make a comment on that,except its kinda funny in a weird kinda way.and you shouldnt have to live lke your always spying,because in a real relationship its called trust,no spying needed.hope things get better for you.take care

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197090 - 06/22/06 01:56 PM

a normal relationship does consist of trust, but unfortunately ours is not normal and all he seems to be able to do is tell one lie after another.
thanks
daisey

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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197092 - 06/22/06 02:02 PM

You are a lot more patient and kind than I am....the phone thing would have sent me right over the edge....Perhaps they are simple platonic friends through work...etc.....I, however, tend to over react.
No part of you is a weapon of mass destruction...I wish you didn't feel that way about yourself. You are every bit as loveable and lovely as you were prior to HIV. He, well, he is being foolish. I hope you realize that you deserve so much more than this....I'm praying for you sweetie...I love ya!

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alivehoping
Legend

Reged: 04/05/06
Posts: 655
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197093 - 06/22/06 02:03 PM

then hes a habitual liar.dont kick yourself around because of him its not fair to yourself,somtimes we make bad or uniformed decisions but we live with them ,and you say he gave hiv to you?then hes not a very good guy then either,most people who cheat wear condoms as to not bring somthing home,but thats not for me to judge,take it easy what he does isnt your fault.your welcome take care

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197098 - 06/22/06 02:10 PM

I too would have gone over the edge. I am not sure friends should worry about keeping things a secret then. With Erics number in my phone and all these mens names that i have from Joel to Gary and so on, my husband knows who they are and where I know them. I have nothing to hide and that is what a relationship is all about. Daisey, I am sorry you have such an asshole for a husband. Your crotch is not a weapon of mass destruction, or is it and that is why he stays away.LOL No really. There are plenty of peopke who know the ins and outs of HIV and are negative and would have no problem servecing your weapon. You are beautiful and bright and you should not have to deal with this. Good luck!

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197107 - 06/22/06 02:23 PM

let me clear a misunderstanding up here. he did not cheat and bring the hiv home to me. we found out he was positive after we had gotten back together (he is my ex husband). by the time we found out he was infected, it was too late for me. i was also infected. he has not cheated on me, at least not to my knowledge.
love
daisey

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197113 - 06/22/06 02:38 PM

Daisey Dew.... I dont even know where to start.. Maybe at the 1st floor and work your way up to the level of trust you are used to and accustomed to. When is the last time you talked with him and told him your fears, your worries? It sounds sometimes like there might be not as much communicating on either or just one side? I dont know.. If the love is there, open up to him and even if he is not willing to address the issue, at least he knows you are being caused great anxiety and HIV loves to multiply faster when this is happening. You dont need that, your body certainly does not need that and your spirit ABSOLUTLY DOES NOT NEED THAT. I am not saying to break up or anything like that nature. But for both of you to get on the same page. William tells me everything that pisses him off. And yes, Its usually me. I understand, I make adjustments etc.. I am glad both of us communicate even when we are not communicating.... Call me sometime sweetie!

Love

Eric

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moonstarchild
Guardian

Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197139 - 06/22/06 05:31 PM

Oh Dais,
I just don't know what to say. There is someone out the for everyone, BUT HE OS NOT FOR YOU!!!. Sometimes we hold to things that GOD himself is trying to pull apart. You really don't have to live like this. Love is not supposed to hurt: mentally or physically. there was a reason why you left this man, chances are the reason you left is still there when you came back. Your self esteem is worth so much more than being married. Your husband is supposed to TREAT YOU LIKE A QUEEN, NOT CINDERELLA!!! YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT. I hope that you realize that deserve to be loved just because of who you are and not what you have or don't have. Life is too short to be miserable. My promise to myself is that "no man will ever put me in the ground". I woul drather be alone.

--------------------
HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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sadface
Legend

Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 797
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197188 - 06/22/06 09:23 PM

Oh Daisey..I don't know what to say. You must have lost trust in him a LONG time ago to be checking his phone, mail, ect...As the saying goes a relationship is based on trust (like I have any frickin' room to talk) If you do not feel like you can trust this man, your life long partner, then you need to sit down and make some decisions. I know how hard this is for you..been there. When all else fails, PRAY! It sure helps me. God will lead you down the path you are suppose to be on!!!
Love you,
SF

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197236 - 06/23/06 08:59 AM

Oh daisey I understand that part but somewhere down the line you lost trust in him to check his phone. And now with this girls number. That sucks. You do not deserve to be with anyone you do not trust and who can not even remember your anniversary. I know my husband remembered we just fought. Try to talk and maybe find out why he wanted to marry you if he was going to do this to yiou?

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197248 - 06/23/06 09:21 AM

it has been very hard to trust him. right after we got married i had to get all the passwords for the accounts online because he was going to be gone with the military for a month. well, he would not write down the password for the bank account. i told him i was going to need that one more than any. he finally wrote it down..... it was his ex-girlfriends name. i asked him why he had not changed it and was told that he just had not gotten around to it. whatever. i went online and changed it for him. this girl come to find out was still calling. he told her it was fine and that i would not have a problem with it. boy was he wrong. i told him if i was still talking to an ex he'd feel the same way. so supposably he stopped the calls. bullshit. we are on our way to one of his ball games and she sends him some text messages. needless to say, i went through the roof. he told me to text her back, so i did. she finally realized he was not the one texting her and wanted to know who was replying.... i told her his wife. she stopped. i have not felt like i could trust him since and with good reason. while i was on vacation a few weeks ago he called to tell me that there was not much money left in our account because he had paid several accounts.... but when i added up the money spent on bills it did not calculate, so i figured he was lying. i had no way of checking the account online since he had changed all the passwords, so i continued to use my card. i was going to show him that he cant lie to me and get away with it. needless to say, there was not much money in the account. nothing bounced, but we ended up having to pay arond $275 in overdraft charges. he finally gave me the account passwords again. i got online and through looking at all transactions founf out that he had not paid the amounts to our bills that he told me. yes, he paid them, just not as much as he said he did. instead he pulled $1100 out and hid it in his wallet. i almost went postal on his ass. he could have covered the charges and we would not have had to lose almost $300 in overdraft. i was so pissed at him. it was at that point i opened my own checking account, without his knowledge. the sad thing about this lie is, he specifically told me when i got back in town that he would not lie about money. which ended up being another lie on top of a lie. this is why i told him everything that comes out of his mouth is nothing but lies.
as for talking about my frustrations with him, that is a lost cause. he turns it on me and says it is my fault. it never changes anything. it only ends up in me getting my feelings so hurt, that i dont know how i feel about anything or how it is that i do manage to carry on for another day. i just dont understand how he can not see what he is doing to me and to my kids. as i told you all before he was harping about the kids not putting the clothes in the right drawers and he does not want to have to search for his clothes. he ended up calling the kids "fuckers" (not in front of them) which totally pissed me off and ended in an argument. i know he is military, but they are kids and they are my kids. i have been the one to raise them, not anyone else. they are great kids, but he cant stand to give them any credit for trying, especially MY daughter.
he has been my constant source of frustration, but i still think if he ever gets past his anger and guilt about the hiv it wont always be like this......... i hope, because my nerves just cant take too much more.
love you all,
daisey

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197252 - 06/23/06 10:20 AM

fran- he did not forget our anniversary.... i programed his phone for the alarm on the calendar to go off at 8am sying happy anniversary. he just chose not to tell me over the phone. personally i think he just chose not to recognize the fact that it was our anniversary.
daisey

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sadface
Legend

Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 797
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction new
      #197263 - 06/23/06 12:17 PM

You need to stop using Hiv as a crutch for why he is the way he is. That is a bullshit excuse Daisey! If its not diabetes, its cancer, if its not losing a limb in a car accident, then it has to be Hiv. He needs to be a man and realize that yes..he has Hiv, and yes..his wife does too. So what! You live the life God has blessed you with for You!!! You shouldn't have to make excuses. What kind of enviornment are your kids learning from. No trust? fighting? lack of love and respect? Come on Daisey..YOU ARE STRONGER AND SMARTER THAN THAT!!! This is reality..you have a virus, he has it too..but it is not even close to being the END! He needs to pull up the boot straps and be a man..Sorry hon, but I call it like I see it. We love you here, we want what is best for you, by all means. Please, consider your life with this man...Let us know.
Love to you and prayers for strength,
Mis

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: my crotch is a weapon of mass destruction
      #197275 - 06/23/06 01:42 PM

i know, but i also feel that maybe through me he will learn to be more compassionate and understanding. i cant keep running away when things get rough. i have to stick by him, at least for right now. when i get to the point that i cant take anymore and i know i have given him 110%, then i may have to make the decision to leave, but for now i really feel that i am doing what is right. i made a promisee to my kids when i asked their blessings to marry him that if we did get married, we would not leave again. i am doing what i can to keep that promise.
feel free to call it like you see it anytime, dont apologize either. apologizing is a sign of weakness.
love you,
daisey

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