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Choosing2Liv
Legend

Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Taking The High Road
      #196902 - 06/21/06 09:41 AM

Thanks to everyone who helped me see the big picture. This is much bigger than me getting even because I finally trusted someone enough to do something risky and got burned. The real issue is whether or not I want to embarrass and destroy my family more than I already have, by exposing my dirty laundry to the entire community. In light of that, I will let sleeping dogs lie…and lie…and continue lying. @#&%! He’ll get his one day.

By the way, I discovered his little secret when he responded to my request for a poz mentor. (How’s that for being a nice guy?) He and I chatted for a while thru the website. A flag waved when he gave me a description of himself and told me the area he lived in, but the clincher was when he gave me his personal email address. I decided not to tell him who I was. He told me a little about his background and the fact that he’s known he’s been poz since 2003. That’s when I got pissed, because our episode occurred only last year. In any event, I recently told him how being poz has affected my relationship with my wife, children, extended family, church, and even my job. Hopefully, he will send me an email sympathizing with me about my newfound condition. I will then send him an email letting him know how pissed I am that the SOB who infected me knew he was poz. Hopefully, he will respond in agreement. THEN, I will tell him that if he looks in a mirror, he’ll see the SOB! At least I will have the satisfaction of knowing the he agrees that what he did was piss poor.

Thanks again for helping me look at all sides of this.
-Gary


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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196907 - 06/21/06 09:50 AM

Wow.....Now THAT is crazy stuff Gary. Small world isn't it? I'm so incredibly sad that this guy is so flagrantly irresponsible. I do hope you get the chance to tell this SOB what you really think. Perhaps he had his own demons that led to his poor actions....and perhaps he feels more sorry than you can imagine (I can only hope!) Be that as it may....I think that you will hopefully begin to heal...the hurt and anger are only going to hurt you and your family more and I think you are making some wise decisions....for NOW. I'm not saying that you don't pursue legal action at some point, as this man can't be allowed to continue this type of behavior...but right now you need to focus on you.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196914 - 06/21/06 10:18 AM

Gary I am glad your moving through all the "Phases."

PS.. If you didn't know, your on anger right now...

Love

Eric - "RatBoy"

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Choosing2Liv
Legend

Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196929 - 06/21/06 11:40 AM

[quote] you're moving through all the "Phases."....you're on anger right now. [/quote]

So Eric, what's the NEXT phase after anger? (Please tell me it's peace & contentment...I am SOOOO ready for that phase. LOL)

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eleniel
Guru

Reged: 05/27/06
Posts: 239
Loc: Utah, USA
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196934 - 06/21/06 12:05 PM

You are SO much nicer and more logical than me..lol.
I'd have taken off his lug nuts by now..

--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205

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sadface
Legend

Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 797
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196938 - 06/21/06 12:34 PM

Gary every post you amaze me more and more! You truly are a wonderful man...Thanks for being OUR friend here on the Body!
Love,
SF

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196939 - 06/21/06 12:36 PM

Ditto to shitface...........I mean sadface.LOL She really needs to change that sf. I always get it confused. Love you sweety!!!!!!

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alivehoping
Legend

Reged: 04/05/06
Posts: 655
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196942 - 06/21/06 01:27 PM

get him talking again about the subject mentioning how long he knew ,then you will have established the fact he knew he was doing a wrong to you.then you have grounds for charges,willfull infliction of mental pain and then intentionally knowingly inflicting physical harm as well,and he may be personally held accountable for that,not only that but you also may be able to sue the municipality in which he was sworn to uphold the laws as well,you may be saving somebody elses live,how many more peopl has he infected and hes just shrugging it off?i sure hope sombody stops him,i know in canada a guy was prosicuted for knowingly giving hiv to 2 or 3 girls and was charged with attempted murder,and plead to agg. assault,so he got his.i hope everything works out ok for you in this mess ,i wishh you the best,take care you will have to print out your conversation of the facts to prove your point

Edited by alivehoping (06/21/06 01:28 PM)

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Bear60
Legend

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196987 - 06/21/06 07:10 PM

I think its too much for you to take on too...given your fragile fami8ly situation. I also want to add....that there are plenty of assholes out there in ASO's and in Safe Sex education. I know one guy who was into barebacking and he worked for a safe sex group doing HIV education.

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Taking The High Road new
      #196993 - 06/21/06 07:55 PM

Gary, I would rather have you live a poor man than deal with a civil suit that will drag your immune system into the gutter and kill you....

Enough said,


Hopefully your next stage will be "Acceptance". But your not there yet.... Not for awhile... Have fun being angry and making your cd4 count suck! Do the Monk thing....

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: The talk of the Internet
      #197020 - 06/21/06 11:11 PM

It seems that Bear has decided to make your personal life a topic of discussion on other than this board. Kinda creepy, him deciding to continue a discussion on a subject you had made a decision about and closed the debate in your mind.

And Eric, you seem to condone this behavior by entering into the discussion. Did either of you ask if this was OK. Seems if Choosing2Live wanted it posted on Aidsmeds, he could have done so himself.

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=1084.0

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: The talk of the Internet
      #197023 - 06/21/06 11:50 PM

It would seem that you threw him to the wolves. It's sad that they didn't have the entire history of the situation, which is probably explains those very harsh comments directed toward him. The problem is that by actually telling the entire story you only dig yourself in deeper.

No one ever has the right to disclose on someone else or put out their personal information even as 'the friend' in the way you did. That was cold. Really cold. Betrayal in the highest order.



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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: The talk of the Internet
      #197025 - 06/22/06 12:03 AM

Totally wrong.... Both AIDSMEDS and TheBody are two of the most powerful support systems in the HIV/AIDS world to this day. If Joel, who kept names annonamous wanted to better help our friend and did not find the answers here, other opinions could be of help. These boards are public domain and they are both HIV/AIDS supporting..... Your comments are unwarrented.. In fact, there are quite a few over on AIDSMEDS that have gone through exactly what is being talked about here.. Information, ideas and sharing thoughts are the entire purpose of these two boards. They constantly interact with eachother... Joel and numerous others have had continual PM contacts withe our "FRIEND" that you are totally unware of..

Back Off Please!



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: The talk of the Internet
      #197026 - 06/22/06 12:27 AM

"If Joel, who kept names annonamous wanted to better help our friend and did not find the answers here, other opinions could be of help. These boards are public domain "

It didn't matter if Joel found the answers here or other opinions could be of help. This was not his issue. It was Gary's. Gary had put this to rest long before the time stamp of Joel's inital post. So what more could there be left to say. As far as Gary was concerned this was a done deal, so why did Joel feel that he (Joel) needed more answers?

How do you think Choosing2liv will feel about being called an SOB because he cares so little about his wife...an impression Joel said "Not out the guy because his family's privacy is at stake? ( his wife knows little about his private life)" Trish's exact words were "Me thinks the cheating SOB needs to come clean with his wife...she needs to be tested ASAP!"

Or David in NC's comment - ". Kick himself in the butt for being so careless and somehow get his wife tested. He needs to be careful outting anybody, as he's the one married with kids."

OR Whizzer saying...."The newly poz guy should kick himself in the ass for not being more careful in his sexual escapades and deal with it. His newly poz status is as much his fault as the other guy's. He should also bite the bullet and tell his wife. It is morally reprehensible not to disclose to her and have her get tested."

OR Cubbybear "Yeah outing is just wrong. I'm more concerned about the wife, the husband who can't keep his penis at home should fess up to his wife so she can get some medical attention. And then she can bitch slap the sun of a gun from here to next wednesday."

Those are only a few of the comments in this thread.

and your response? "Joel, I think you know my stance on this.... Is the infected person willing to put his life, his family, his wife through a bitter battle in court. This will make the media and will be disastrous for a newly infected person as far as I am concerned. It took two to get infected. Trusting that someone is Neg and having unprotected sex?? Ruining two lives is justification not to mention all the mud slinging the families on both sides will have to endure. Will that fix the situation? Don't know, best of luck to our "friend".

Did it occur to you that your 'friend' didn't need the discussion over his personal life, anonomously or not that this caused.

Back off? Should have been you and BEAR60. You started a hornet's nest and my guess is WITHOUT Gary's permission.

You both owe him a HUGE apolgy.

You were wrong and there is no amount of defense on your part that makes this right. This was never a decision that was BEAR''s or yours to make in any way shape or form. It only gave a small potion of the story and left a newly positive indivdual open to attack and riidicule.

This is what you call support? Brings to mind "with friend's like this who needs enemies.


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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: The talk of the Internet
      #197027 - 06/22/06 12:31 AM

I thnk we should leave that up to C2L ok... Gary can make that decision NOT YOU! And thank you for making this an issue by bringing all these remarks over here so C2L does not have to go over there and read them.... Thank you for that! You have know idea the relationship that is here and quit speculating on things you do not even know about. As far as the comments made at AIDSMEDS given the brief disposition and position of this situation, the comments stand and I think Gary could appreciate these concerns which many of them have been demonstrated here at TheBody. Nothing new.....


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