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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Brandy
Guru

Reged: 01/19/06
Posts: 208
Loc: Oklahoma,USA
Brandys law or murphys law ?????
      #196655 - 06/19/06 02:49 PM

I m not sure if its murphys law or just my life.......
when everything is perfect SOMETHING is going to go really wrong.... and it did here let me start at the begining MY jobs are going great and so are Matts whoes in ks we havent seen each other in a couple of months okay Ive been working out eating right Ive gone from 215 pounds to 180 for the women out there Ive gone from a size 16 to a 10 I look great if I dont say so my self It was going to be a surpise to matt I findlly got 3 days off and was headed up to see him I got a new out fit was going to leave last night after work Matt gave me the run around asked me to wait until morning so I did I called when I was half way there he say turn around I m on my way there I said what do u mean Im already half way here....... alright Im not dumb What is really going on we fought for a few........ when he findlly says I HAVE FOUND SOMEONE.......I was in shock I said why didnt you just say that he said "I didnt know where it was going"
I call him a sorry son of a bitch (sorry about the cusing)
some one tell me why after 10 years and all the hard times we've had why now......things got weird when he found out he was neg so Im left to think maybe he found someone else because Im poz........Im not a bad person and I put up with his shit all these years he didnt treat me to good to start with... I wonder if he stay all these cuz he thought he was poz..... maybe I stayed because I thought no one else would ever want me because of the hiv..... Im hurt... and lost.... I loved him and still do but I dont think I was still IN LOVE with him .... I think Im more scared that I'll be alone forever now.....

--------------------
take care and be sooooo safe love,
Brandy

Live in the Moment!!!!

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Brandys law or murphys law ????? new
      #196669 - 06/19/06 03:45 PM

Brandy of course your to first posts are from two gays guys. Hope your not offended. Brandy all I can say is this. Take the bloody stigma of HV out of your equation. Millions upon millions get dumped for whatever reason. HIV is not the end all beat all. You with your smartness, your wit, your sence of humor, your love for life will ultimately prevail. I think God has a plan for you. Right now its with your work and your education of others. I also think God created us to have someone very special in our lives. I lived for 10 years isolated and alone. I finally broke out of where I was and started looking. Of course this is probably why I am HIV, but it is also when I found William. Would I change from being +ve to -ve and have to give up William. NOT IN YOUR VERY LIFE. First come to realize self image is so so important (look at you, your a gorgious young women). Every single one of us deals with self-esteem issues no matter if you are the healthiest of people. Hell go down to the gym, you think every one is not there to make themselves super attractive physically? Do you think just because they are pretty that what lies deep inside of them (these demons) can simply be exercised away. No! I fell in love with William for his inner spirit, his love for his fellows, his love for me, his simplness in being joyfull and looking at things ALWAYS in a positive light. Had nothing to do with sex. He will even agree about that. Our fist three dates, we didnt even have sex, we simply talked about life, our friends and how we looked at the world through childs eyes. We still do that even with HIV in the midst of all this. I do not wish to deminish the HIV thing and if I were HIV and not in a committed relationship, I would not single out a perosn for his status. Because, certainly, most definately, other issues more important tha HIV will come into play as it has within your relationship with your sweetheart. Its not the end honey. You have a future, a very positive and hopeful one. Give your sweetie some distantance as he wishes and lets see what happens, in the meanitme. Go out, do things, love somemore!

I f you want to sing out, sing out

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

Chorus:
You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
you see ah ah ah
its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are

Chorus

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are


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MiamiLat
Guardian

Reged: 12/30/05
Posts: 396
Loc: Miami, FL
Re: Brandys law or murphys law ????? new
      #196674 - 06/19/06 04:54 PM

Brandy,
I've read your posts over time and it's not difficult to see what a big heart you have. You know, Eric is right by saying to take HIV out of equation. It's only a matter of time until you find an educated, caring, unselfish guy to be by your side. In the meantime, don't settle for less. Take this experience and use it to make you stronger. You can rise above this!

--------------------
"Education, prevention, awareness, research, and support"

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Bear60
Legend

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Brandys law or murphys law ????? new
      #196692 - 06/19/06 06:36 PM

well make that four gay guys...and yes I agree......take HIV out of the equation. And just accept that he has been a jerk. Get rid of him and completely.

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Brandys law or murphys law ????? new
      #196718 - 06/20/06 07:27 AM

Make that four gay guys and a straight woman. Someone like that does not deserve you. Good riddens to him!

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alivehoping
Legend

Reged: 04/05/06
Posts: 655
Re: Brandys law or murphys law ????? new
      #196852 - 06/20/06 10:57 PM

him not there could be a blessing in disguise,time to turn the negitive into a positive,as you said he didnt treat you to well in the start,its also possible the status of you healt may be an issue,and the guy is showing his true colors,hes cheating,a real asshole just on that principle of fidelity alone.but im sure you must be bothered because you say 10 years?hope you get through this ok,take care

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