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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
The Plague?
      #195245 - 06/09/06 07:17 AM

You know, I just don't know about this single thing and living with HIV. If any of you saw my post under Women, sometimes I feel like I have the plague.

I go from hopefulness to just hopelessness.

I hate reliving how he wouldn't kiss me open-mouthed, just a peck... or how he asked me if he had anything to worry about when the only thing that touched him was my tongue and hands.

But...

I am damned glad I didn't get him satisfied. That will get him thinking!

I'd become a nun, but I think I enjoy making a man happy too much for that...

I know! I could pick up knitting, just like on Grey's Anatomy!

*sigh*

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: The Plague? new
      #195247 - 06/09/06 07:22 AM

I find it very interesting that I received this email just as I was posting the above. So, into the SFGTD box!!

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.

I love you.

P.S.

And, remember...

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself !! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

Now, you have a nice day,
God


--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: The Plague? new
      #195255 - 06/09/06 09:58 AM

Izy.. I dont go over to the women page much. My Queer gene is very very low. Plus its just scary there... Izy, this is going to take some time for you to adjust to this. When I say time, give it a year. Be good to yourself and get your head screwed on nice and tight. This is all going to change for you. Just not right now. You will find sitting where you are becomes very old and bothersom and very frustrating. You will find yourself breaking out of this and finding how to turn OFF these feelings of "less than". Just because a protien in your body is mucking us up a bit, does not mean you are not the same lovable squeezable bunny you have always been sweetie..

Bunny Squeeze..

Love

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: The Plague? new
      #195269 - 06/09/06 12:17 PM

I have to agree with Eric. Not about my queer gene. You have to give it some time. It is almost a year for me and I still feel left out sometimes. I have some feelings about this that are undescribable. It will take time and even after that, you will have many bumps in the road but you will get past them. With the help from everyone here, you will get past them.

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: The Plague? new
      #195304 - 06/09/06 06:17 PM

Thanks, love. I honestly know I'm not ready for a "love" relationship... I just want my satisfaction... ya know?

But what kills me, is when his body language finally told me, "Hey, he won't even kiss you!" I can't help but feel so.... "dirty"... you know? Hurts a bit. I just hope he comes to his senses soon, so we both can have some fun!

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: The Plague? new
      #195312 - 06/09/06 07:05 PM

you will be doing what little bunnies do... just give it time... and he sounds like a uninformed dude to me...

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eleniel
Guru

Reged: 05/27/06
Posts: 239
Loc: Utah, USA
Re: The Plague? new
      #195322 - 06/09/06 08:21 PM

Just work on accepting yourself. Everything else will work out in time.

--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205

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alivehoping
Legend

Reged: 04/05/06
Posts: 655
Re: The Plague? new
      #195381 - 06/10/06 02:15 PM

i understand the feeling of being rejected by my wife i havent even slept in the same bed with her since i was diagnosed in 03,its a terrible way to live but my son who is only 3 keeps me here,he has no idea whats going on yet but he keeps saying he loves me,and how exactly can i walk away from that kind of innocent and unconditional love,my thee other older ones know im ill but not how ill,they notice how we call their mothers room her room and my room is in the living room,i just use the guise i keep falling asleep on the couch while im watching tv,dont know how long it will last but its all i have,we have just expanded our home to include 3 more rooms so i will have my own room,i feel like im turning into my grandfather already,and im only 39,even if i could afford to move i would have nowhere to go,ive made my family priority 1 and now its come back to kick me in the rear,i havent seen or talked with many of my old freinds in years,so im kind of in limbo sometimes,its weird even when we went to florida we slept in seperate beds,but i guess i get what i deserved,now i just wish i get what i want,,,,,,,,you know what i mean im sure,but shes stuck with a fear of me infecting her so the peck on the cheek i can relate with that too,your not alone,take care

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: The Plague? new
      #195522 - 06/12/06 12:18 AM

It's terrible that anyone would have to go through life like that. I certainly hope that peace finds you and your family soon. It's difficult. I understand the uncertainty from perfect strangers, but when it's so close to home... my heart goes out to you.

Be well, be strong.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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