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Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO
      #189262 - 05/03/06 06:21 PM

Hello Folks,

Yesterday I rejoiced and shared how greatful I was that my wife forgave me, did not ask me to leave and said that she wanted our family to stay together.

Well, last night I'd plan to strongly suggest that we should get tested, just to be on the safe side. It was a busy evening, and we did not get to bed until late. As I was lying there trying to muster up the courage to talk, she asked "Why did you tell me about your unfaithfulness, since you knew it could possibly ruin our marriage?" Her question caught me completely off guard. I laid there for a minute wrestling with myself on the best way to break the news to her. Then she continued by asking, "Did you tell me because you HAD to? Do I need to get tested or something?" My silence answered for me.

A flood of emotions over took the room, the likes I'd never seen before. Uncontrolable sobbing, deep heartache, feeling numb....I don't think either of us had ever experienced anything quite so intense. It felt like a close family member had died. We were in a "fog" for a couple of hours.

Finally, I offered to take her to get tested, if she'd allow me. She looked at me, and asked "Can you imagine how humiliated I am going to be, having to get tested?" My heart sank. I don't think I will ever forget that look. It was as though her best friend had stuck a knife in her back.

I found an online service that offered quick turnaround testing (24 to 36 hours) for a little over $700. It was high, but she really needs to get her results as soon as possible. I made all of the arrangement, took her to the testing site, completed all of the paperwork and did everything I could to make things bearable for her. At one point the receptionist looked at me as asked if my wife spoke English.

The ride home was long. Every song on the radio or CD player addressed a part of our situation. I turned to talk radio and their subject was on an unfaithful teacher. I turned to the Christian talk station and a guy was talking about how drugs had effected him. Before I could take a sigh of relief, he went on to say that he had ruined his marriage, destroyed his family, damaged his reputation.....I turned the radio off and just tried to "suck it up." Once we got home and my wife had entered the house, I stayed in the car and just screemed!

I was so emotionally drained that I fell asleep in the car for about 30 minutes. It was a TKO, but in this case it stands for "Total Knock Out!"

Now it's time for me to face the real world. I'm not sure how all of this will end up, but I could use your prayers and well wishes.

Thanks for giving me a place to air my feelings and share my ordeal. It helps to know that I'm not alone.


Edited by Choosing2Liv (05/03/06 06:26 PM)

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Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO new
      #189263 - 05/03/06 06:25 PM

Oh Gary...I am crying for you and your wife right now. ON the one hand I'm so glad that this portion of this nightmare is over for you, I'm sorry that this pain is so deep and so unbearable for your wife and you. I pray that she is negative...and that you can both begin to heal. May God be with you both during this trial. He will not forget you...he has carved you in the palm of his hand. God Bless.

Love and Prayers.


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Re: Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO new
      #189267 - 05/03/06 06:34 PM

Oh God Gary... I feel so bad for U but by the same token I feel a weight was lifted from your shoulders. Let us all hope for the best with your wife's results. Hang in there!!! U will get through this!!!!! we are all here for U my friend!!! keep talking to us.......

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Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO new
      #189278 - 05/03/06 07:16 PM

Oh Gary I am glad you finally have gotten it all of your chest. My thoughts and prayers go out for you and your wife on her test results. ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

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Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 797
Re: Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO new
      #189337 - 05/03/06 10:58 PM

Sending love and prayers your way...I am so glad she is standing by you!!!

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Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO new
      #189355 - 05/04/06 01:07 AM

Oh Gary,

I am so happy that you got this part off your shoulders. I am sending up strong, strong prayers that your wife is negative. And don't worry about the TKO, that only means that you will get up even stronger!!!!

HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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Reged: 10/31/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO new
      #189404 - 05/04/06 04:36 AM

Gary, you knew this was not going to be easy. And your wife is a smart women. Just keep moving at the pace you are and be as honest and open as you can be. These are fragil times. Its suppose to hurt...


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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Disclosure-Round #2 = TKO new
      #189425 - 05/04/06 12:04 PM

Gary...... Painful takes on new meaning. This has to be the hardest thing in the world to do. My heart goes out to you.

6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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