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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
anyone care to advise???????????
      #186860 - 04/18/06 10:51 AM

this is not an hiv related question, but i am posting it anyway.
my sister has been taking care of my brothers daughter for about 2-3 months. she is 15. she will be 16 in september. the reason she has been taking care of her is because my brother found out he is manic depressant and schysophrenic (spelling?). he was having visions and voices telling him to kill his daughter. i know it sounds crazy and all, but he sent her to live with my sister. it was not going to good at my sisters house, so he agreed for her to come live with me. i had her for one day and she and i talked and i got her back with my sister. my point is he was willing to send her anywhere, but home. last week, he yanked her out of my sisters house, because he was afraid of getting caught by srs for collecting money and support for the daughter when in fact she was no longer living at home. my brother has 6 kids and a wife. none of them work, they live in a 2 bedroom house, the 2 boys sleep on couches and the 4 girls share a tiny room. the parents stay up all night and most of the time the kids dont get woke up to go to school. the kids stay up all night (2-3 am!!!). they have no structure at all. my sister in law said that they can not support all the kids, but they will not let my neice go back to my sisters. they were willing to cancel the srs, but then my neice would lose her medical card. my sister can not have her with no insurance, so she checked on her insurance. her insurance said that she would have to be her legal guardian or adopt her. my brother said hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the step mom is a total witch to the child. my neice is so miserable. it is not even funny. what can my sister do to gain guardianship of the child? is there something my neice can do to get away from them? her real mom died when she was 4, so that is not an option........................
please anyone with any knowledge or advice, please help. my heart is breaking for my neice. i have looked all over the net and can not seem to find anything.
thank you all. i really appreciate your help on this delicate matter.
love
daisey

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Bear60
Legend

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186862 - 04/18/06 11:01 AM

oh Daisey! I wish you well with this. You are right to be concerned and look for a better home for your niece. We have DHS here. I am sure you have some organization like it. (Dept of Human Services). or... Go to a womens legal services group and see what they can do to have a lawyer help you.? Good luck.

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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sadface
Legend

Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 797
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186863 - 04/18/06 11:05 AM

Oh Daisey...what an emotional mess, and you wonder why you have a headache? Sounds like your brother and his wife have some major personality problems. First off, he needs to seek therapy and stay on meds to control his problem. I would advise looking into a church that offers free (most do) counceling for the WHOLE family together. Not just your 16 year old neice is being neglected, but so are the other 5. Obviously, the mom is in a state of depression over her husband, and they both have let go of their parenting responsibilities. If the word "neglect" gets out and is going on and it gets into the wrong hands, DCFS might come in and take them away and find them individual homes, then the siblings would be seperated, and that is not good either. I feel with his diagnois and being on meds and going to conceling together, maybe there is hope. He also needs to get a job and be the positive role model in his families life. Try calling a church, talk to a pastor...God will help you. When HE closes a door...he always opens a window. With help from God, you, and your sister, you will beable to get them back on track. They just need a shove in the right direction, but... they have to be willing as well. Be strong, you are in my prayers...this too shall pass.
Love you,
Missy

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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186865 - 04/18/06 11:13 AM

Daisey, I don't practice family law, but perhaps your sister can go to the court to ask to be appointed as legal guardian. The only problem with that is that it may lead the depatment of child services (or the Kansas equivalent) to start nosing around and given the cramped conditions and the lack of parental structure problems could arise. Not sure if you want to beat that bee hive with a stick (yes, I have bee stings on the mind) Again, with the voices and visions, the safety of the other children may be a big issue as well. So, perhaps you (or your sister) may need to make some waves to ensure the safety of the kids. (and perhaps get them into a more stable environment)

I know that family situations can be so hard...like walking on egg shells.
Hope all works out.


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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186871 - 04/18/06 12:39 PM

I have to agree with Faith. I would defenitly take some sort of action on this matter. I know from experience with my husbands family, when there is no structure in the home and there is no parenting really going on, this turns to real bad news from the teens. I know it is hard to think about having dyfs or someone getting involved and it may cause tension between you sister and brother but I would think about the kids before anything. I would hate to see something happen to her and it be to late.
I wish you guys all the best in solving this problem. I hope it all works out. If you need us we are here.

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186872 - 04/18/06 12:44 PM

i know my brother is not going to do the counseling thing at all or church as far as that goes. he had $712.00 worth of bad checks that i paid for him a few weeks ago. he was so worried about going to jail, i paid them to keep him from loosing it and being stressed out, which is not good for his mental state of mind. his wife has already had one child go to a juvenille hall and they just got him back. my neice is the second oldest in the family and all the kids are jealous of her, including the step mom. kinda like a cinderella story. they tell her really shitty stuff about her real mom and she has no contact with her mom's family. she does not even know them! this is the first time in probably 17 years i have even been around my brother and his family. i have been keeping contact with them through email, but their phone, cable, and internet was due to be shut off yesterday for non payment. i just wish i could get my neice back to my sister. we are willing to fight for her, regardless of the cost.........
thanks everyone,
love daisey

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186874 - 04/18/06 01:17 PM

my heart aches for the entire family. Well, i would contact the state and/or county as soon as possible. I did read the suggestion for emancipation....and although an alternative...I think 16 is too young to be emancipated, especially when there is family that is willing to take custody. If she had no one to turn to, then that would be perhaps the best thing for her...but the Money for the court proceedings is well worth the safety of the child. (besides, there are legal services that will help with costs if finances are an issue).

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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186876 - 04/18/06 01:22 PM

that was me in that anon post...thought i logged on but it didn't recognize me (maybe because I brushed my teeth and put on makeup! *L*)

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dj1979
Guru

Reged: 03/02/06
Posts: 276
Loc: rural upstate NY
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186904 - 04/18/06 05:02 PM

It's hard to say what would be the best thing to do. I would definitely report the neglect of these children - bottom line, it is neglect. I would also let the agency involved know that there is family willing and able to care for the child, and/or children, but that maintaining their health insurance would be a prerequisite. In New York, that is do-able - I've seen it happen here.

One small piece of advice - DO NOT enable your brother to be irresponsible any more! What incentive does he have to be healthy (take his meds, get counselling, etc.) if someone "bails him out" when he messes up? The natural consequences are sometimes what forces us to do what's right, and the consequences of writing that many bad checks is more than likely incarceration. At least he would be on meds, supervised, etc. As far as having thoughts of harming his child, that in New York is sufficient reason for involuntary psychiatric hospitalization IMMEDIATELY. My father, who had no history of mental problems, went through a major depressive episode about 10 years ago, with a psychotic break, where he had visions of stabbing my daughter. He fortunately admitted it to my mother, and we took him to a psychiatric hospital, where he stayed for about 2 weeks.

Is there a free or low cost legal services organization in your town? You could even try talking with a Domestic Violence Program - they could at least point you in the right direction.

Good luck - this must be really hard for you.

--Donna

PS - it's schizophrenic I believe.

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Brandy
Guru

Reged: 01/19/06
Posts: 208
Loc: Oklahoma,USA
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186911 - 04/18/06 05:40 PM

wow hon I m so sorry to hear all of that everyone has pretty much already said any thing I would of said I will keep u in my thoughts hon please let me know what happends...whatever you do I know will be the right one.. go luck hon

--------------------
take care and be sooooo safe love,
Brandy

Live in the Moment!!!!

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AIDS2HIV
Legend

Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186913 - 04/18/06 05:56 PM

at that age, she has a voice in where she lives etc. If i was her, I'd look at the state requirements there for her to emancipated.

As far as the others, in that situation....maybe family needs to join forces and do an intervention for the sake of the kids. In Ohio that kinda stuff will get your kids taken away.....Good Luck & God Bless*

--------------------
Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186932 - 04/18/06 08:01 PM

thank you everyone. i looked online for emancipation, but for her to do that she had to either join the military, get married, or be able to support herself. those are not options. i am afraid if we going stirring the pot all the kids will be taken away and none of us will end up with my neice. i am going over to where they live on saturday and see what "devine intervention" i can do for my neice to be able to go back with my sister. i dont really know the other kids, but we have become quit fond of my neice. she has been the one that has really gotten the shitty end of the deal. i hope she manages ok between now and then. i can only talk to her now through the internet when she is in her computer class because their phone and internet was disconnected this morning.
again, many thanks to all of you............
love
daisey

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: anyone care to advise??????????? new
      #186947 - 04/18/06 09:53 PM

My Brain is mush and I cannot consintrate tonight Daisey. Just know I think about you EVERY DAY!

Love

MushBrain - williams title for his husband..

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sadface
Legend

Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 797
Re: anyone care to advise???????????
      #186950 - 04/18/06 10:11 PM

Eric you have a "mushbrain" and I feel like a bowl of mush. UG!
Love you, my little family!!

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