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Anonymous
Unregistered

HIV and depression
      #185488 - 04/09/06 09:15 AM

Been asymptomatic for over 20 years , and living with fear as to when will I finally get sick. Defense mechanism of not disclosing has turned to a life of very limited amount of friends which has resulted in lonliness. I find myself crying for no reason.

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Jackie_Blue
Legend

Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: HIV and depression new
      #185494 - 04/09/06 10:04 AM

I think any of us living with HIV can relate to the fact that we live two seperate lives. We're one person with people that know and another to people that don't. It's a secret. It keeps us from getting close to people. It leads to isolation....

Believe me, you are not alone in that feeling. I still keep that wall around...I don't tell just anybody. BUT...I (well we, ) made our mind up that if someone might just become a close friend, tell. Then the barrier is down.

They either want to know me or they don't. There haven't been too many people that have taken the news poorly.

Asymptomatic after all this time. That's a great!

Don't spend too much time looking at when you will get sick. Not to be morbid, but you know the bit.....you might just get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Depression in people living with HIV is very common. Please do yourself a HUGE favor and talk to your doctor about all this. You don't have to deal with depression alone. Get help. We all need it from time to time.

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Bear60
Legend

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: HIV and depression new
      #185496 - 04/09/06 10:08 AM

Being asymptomatic myself, I can only say that it becomes a source of joy. Get into counseling if your mental state is affecting your ability to live life the way you want to. Its important for you to recognize if there is a problem. Then seek help.

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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littleprince
Fanatic

Reged: 03/15/06
Posts: 64
Re: HIV and depression new
      #185506 - 04/09/06 11:13 AM

Jackie, you made my day! Thanks! You hit the bullseye!

--------------------
You Are What You Tolerate.

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AIDS2HIV
Legend

Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: HIV and depression new
      #185519 - 04/09/06 03:03 PM

I'm a firm believer that people are only as sick as the secrets they keep....whether we want to admit it or not, what we hold in always finds its way of shining through.....usuaully at the wrong times.

Personally myself, i disclose to anyone anytime, in fact i have been on television where i done a 3 day feature on hiv/aids eduaction and prevention. I'm also involved in public speaking, so i have eliminated disclosure issues entirely from my own personal life. It works for me. I too, use it to guage who is actually worthy of my friendship efforts, and who isnt. You either like me or ya don't. But that decision doesnt change what i do or think personally. I'm the one who sleeps in this skin, and i'm the one who goes into the ground when i die, so I'm the one who has to be comfortable with me.
I'm not on the pity wagon, and I dont live a double life. I take care of me, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Go talk to a counselor, be honest to yourself, about yourself, tell on yourself, that alone will open the door to the recovery you seek. You have to be accountable for everything thats yours, even if its your darkest secrets or your personal health.

The hardest thing ive ever done in my life, was work on self, and ya cant do it alone, and get any kind of productive quality from it. Only real limitations ive had is due to the stage of my disease...but even that is acceptable to me. and believe me, if I can do this, ANYONE can.....Good Luck & God Bless*

If ya fill your life up with negative things (thoughts,actions,etc).......expect negative results.
Same goes for positives, it just works that way...

--------------------
Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

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DanielMark
Expert

Reged: 06/06/04
Posts: 120
Loc: Ottawa Canada
Re: HIV and depression new
      #185526 - 04/09/06 04:08 PM

I agree with AIDS2HIV: "people are only as sick as the secrets they keep."

I disclose(d) to the people in my life I am close to right away – friends, family, and partners. Those of us who are POZ have enough to deal with without carrying the added burden of isolation.

I hope you can find someone in your life to lean on, and until then, at least continue to reach out here and any other place you can find support.

May you go on being asymptomatic for a long time to come, but if and when the time comes, you’ll want as much personal support as you can muster.

Daniel

--------------------
Follow your honest heart

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moonstarchild
Guardian

Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: HIV and depression new
      #185571 - 04/09/06 09:43 PM

What has been working for me is finding a therapist who specializes in HIV issues. It is wonderful to be able to talk to someone who may not be poz but they know about the issues that poz people deal with. It has made a huge difference. I have even upped the sessions to twice a week. I also have 2 support groups that I go to once a month. It helps to have face to face contact with people who are poz. Try to find one in your area. It will help.

--------------------
HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: HIV and depression new
      #185628 - 04/10/06 11:02 AM

Being asymptomatic should be turned around into a blessing not a curse. Dont wait for the shoe to fall.. It may not fall has hard as you think. And then, you have missed some important times that may have been just fear and worry.. I am much like Co, all my closeest friends, family, Mom and Dad and Co-Workers know me and my husbands status. "The weight of the world was lifted." I am not saying this is for everyone, but for me it was a life saver..

Love

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV and depression new
      #211307 - 10/10/06 10:01 PM

i know how u feel because i just found out 3 months ago and i cant stop crying so just keep praying and try to stay focus and may god bless u and protect u

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