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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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littleprince
Fanatic

Reged: 03/15/06
Posts: 64
A Month Since My Diagnosis
      #184967 - 04/06/06 06:05 PM

A month ago, I had my diagnosis. I was in shock. I remember rushing to the bathroom and doing a number 2. My body rejected it. That day, I went to thebody and found an oasis of comfort and hope. The next day, I went to a counsellor and cried a lot. For a week, I was still in shock, feeling a lot of stomach ache due to anxiety and depression. Then I went back to the gym, with enough strength, I did yoga and got more strength, that came with hope, clarity of mind and inner peace. The good kind. The real kind.

Two weeks after, I got my confirmation result and I am positive and it is also official, I am still living.

Today, I met my doctor for the first time, and very pleased. He is a great listener, has good energy and he assured me that he cares for me and will take care of me. He told me that my internal organs are in excellent condition, along with my red and white blood cells. I asked for my numbers and he gave me 275 for my CD4 and 80,000 for my viral load, of which he said is fluctuating and he needs me to come back after a month for another blood test. I forgot to ask for my % and I will next time. At this point, he seemed to have covered what needs to be covered and not overwhelming me with information. But I believe him when he said that I am in great shape and have a lot of reasons to be hopeful. I am not resistant to any HIV medication, as he described my virus as run-of-the-mill and I also am immune to Hepa. I also got a pneumonia vaccine today.

I have always told myself, I am lucky. I am blessed. What I need comes to me at the right time.

He told me also that he immediately knew that I am someone who can cope well, who can win this battle and can make a difference. I needed to hear that, to validate my self-formulated way of healing my body and visualizing my life. I have gone through this journey for a month now and I am excited for the rest of my life. I am amazed of my strength and it makes me feel silly how my big worries are not so big after all, and when the day is over, I can say that I did good today. And when I wake up the next day, it is another day, to live and to live well. And no matter how shitty it becomes, that too shall pass.

For whatever it's worth, being diagnosed positive does not always have to be negative. I have appreciated life in a more loving way, in a more compassionate light, with a more conscious and positive attitude.

In my journey, you are part of it and I am thankful. Sometimes I ask myself, what did I do to deserve this kindness? And then I realize, that everyone, has peace and joy as a birthright, whether or not they think they deserve it or not.

We are lucky. We are blessed.
Soon, we will win this battle in our lifetime.

--------------------
You Are What You Tolerate.

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goofyme
Fanatic

Reged: 03/15/06
Posts: 56
Loc: nyc
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #184970 - 04/06/06 06:12 PM

Dear littleprince,

I am sure you will win this battle and continue to see lots of tomorrows as well as lots of yesterdays. Here is to the strenght that I have sensed in you in the past month. Keep it up. You are strong and will overcome.

My best to you, be well and healthy,

goofyme

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Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #184978 - 04/06/06 06:43 PM

Littleprince! I too found this site the day I was diagnosed. It has been a major source of comfort and information. It has been my refuge these last three months.

I'm so glad you had a good experience with your doctor. That makes all the difference in the world. You have to believe in him and trust him because this is the person that will help keep make sure you stay healthy.

I think you are on the right track! Keep us posted.

Hugs my friend!


--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #184984 - 04/06/06 07:05 PM

Buddy,

Their is a difference between someone who can communicate with people to make them feel good and someone who will help and treat your problem.'

The doctors do not know whats going on. I can not stress that enough.

I have seen patients with 1000 t-cells and a viral load of less than yours put on meds.

You need meds buddy!

You are right. This disease will not kill you. The doctors will though!

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #185001 - 04/06/06 07:40 PM

LittlePrince...

Congradulations on finding a doctor that you like and that your trust. This is first and formost. They do have a mandate as doctors not to lie or give you false hope. In this day and age, lawsuites breakout pretty dang easily if they hide anything from you. As you move along with your doctor you will get to know him/or better and will begin to have faith in what he or she is saying. You have every option to also ask us the questions that you asked and see if we had the same experiences.

Of course your still living.. As I recall this will be your first set of numbers right? You will get at least 1 or 2 more to develop a trend. This is where the real fact of the matter for meds will come into play. Dont fear them, if you are cleared on the resistance factors your half way there. As trends go they will look at your percentage cd4/cd8 and that would be a number you should request tomorrow. They certainly have it. The approach that is being tought to ID specialst is a threshold of 350-400 cd4 is a good time to start thinking about meds. Your doctor will give you time to adjust to the idea of meds. Usually thats your next hurdle. With the toxicity levels being what they are with these newer drugs, many react very positively to their first line regimen which will be spelled out in your pheno/geno testing.

Take a deep breath and relax awhile. They will do nothing without establishing a trend over the next several months. Then it will be time to give your body some help. Expect the best. This your story and your life, not someone eleses to be aware to be careful what you read out there.

Your attitude is vantastic.... Dont change a thing and keep hanging with the winners on the boards with this.. Your going to kick this virus's ass back into the closet where its going to stay for a very very long time.....

All my Love,

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moonstarchild
Guardian

Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #185043 - 04/07/06 12:38 AM

Congrats. You are definlty on right track. God bless.

--------------------
HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #185047 - 04/07/06 12:41 AM

thanks Eric and everyone, for your comments and concern. I have great faith with my doctor and I know he will take care of me. I completely trust him, as I also trust my inner voice. again, thanks to all of you and I wish you well.

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DanielMark
Expert

Reged: 06/06/04
Posts: 120
Loc: Ottawa Canada
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #185075 - 04/07/06 04:58 AM

"For whatever it's worth, being diagnosed positive does not always have to be negative. I have appreciated life in a more loving way, in a more compassionate light, with a more conscious and positive attitude."

LittlePrince,

Hang on to that positive attitude. Diagnosing HIV+ certainly puts life into perspective, doesn't it.

--------------------
Follow your honest heart

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #185079 - 04/07/06 07:30 AM

Congratulations on moving foward. I am glad you too have found this wonderful site and know you will stand strong!.

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littleprince
Fanatic

Reged: 03/15/06
Posts: 64
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #185147 - 04/07/06 12:38 PM

thank you Mr. Daniel. hope all is well on your end too. bon weekend!

--------------------
You Are What You Tolerate.

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DanielMark
Expert

Reged: 06/06/04
Posts: 120
Loc: Ottawa Canada
Re: A Month Since My Diagnosis new
      #185307 - 04/08/06 06:00 AM

Hope yours is a good weekend also, LP. Everybody else's too.
It's nice to be on the verge of Springtime again, and seeing nature coming back to life.



When I am down, and oh my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still, and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
And I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up, to more than I can be

YOU RAISE ME UP
Brendan Graham / Rolf Lovland
sung by Josh Groban

--------------------
Follow your honest heart

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