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Survivor
Veteran

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY
      #183956 - 04/02/06 11:02 PM

Lets recap the life and times of William and Eric Shall we?

April 2005 - Will's Mom goes in for tripple by-pass - Still in recovery from this to this day.
September 2005 - Eric's best friend is taken by ALS.
September 2005 - Eric has annual check up and is diagnosed HIV pos.
October 2005 - William gets tested is diagnosed HIV pos.
January 2006 - Eric begins hiv meds
March 2006 - Will developes Panriatitis and is admited to hospital and a mass the size of ping pong ball is found in his chest.
April 2006 - Williams mother calls crying that the docs in denver have found a lump in her breast.

Just had that last one dropped on me in the past hour. I just through up my hands and say "God this is now yours!". William has not discosed to his 80+ year old parents about either his HIV status or the mass in his chest for fear of frightening his parents. I can totally understand this since we dont have enough information to really talk to them sensibly about whats going on. And when Mom started talking about her tests results. That hole topic on William was put aside. William is an only child and his parents are the second love of his life. They are the sweetest couple I have ever met. They live in Leadville just over a 12,000 foot pass from us. There house sits at 10,000ft the highest town in the USA I think. Of course it takes 45 minutes to visit in the summer and 5 hours in the winter.

Do I feel we are being stretched to the breaking point? Not really, this is just life happening really really quickly right now. I wish I could slow it down and space some of these events out. Both his parents are getting up there in age, and I so want them to be around for our eventual marriage. But boy, the way things are going, I begin to wonder if even I or Will will make it to that great day!!! Jesus..

So the moral of this story... Learn and develop your coping skills earily. Scream, run to friends, pray and have faith. The outcome may not be what you would have liked. But its the outcome. We have no control over so many things. I have taken control of my hiv, William has taken control over to find out what this thing is? Mom is going to have a biopsy (heck maybe they could be admitted together Mom and Son?). I just have dropped my jaw so many times, this pain is like - "bring it on, you cant do anything more to me Mr. Life."

Anyway, here we are. Here I am. Wondering, hoping for an outcome I can be thankful for.... This is going to take some time to figure out. If you guys figure it before I do, tell me so I dont have to wear out my figurer. Im pretty worn out these days..

Love and Whatever,




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Blixer
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Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #183959 - 04/02/06 11:10 PM

Wow, what a "life and times". I know you have to be stretched thin. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will make it through.

Hugs to you both!


--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


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Survivor
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Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #183960 - 04/02/06 11:15 PM

David, there are good parts in there to.. But this is the coping thread.... LEARN QUICKLY.. LEARN LEARN LEARN!

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daisey6205
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Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #183966 - 04/02/06 11:45 PM

boy eric, i always said i was going to right a book. i titled it "as the stomache turns". due to all the shit i was dealing with one chapter was titled "somewhere between shit and syphillis.........i found all my boyfrieds/husbands".
with all the stuff you have going on, i will loan you my book. another chapter was going to be called "i threw up my mother-in-law". (ha ha)
anyway, i know you have lots going on, hard times are what makes us stronger. i know you must be getting stretched thin being everyones support system......... they are so lucky to have you. just remember God does not give us more than we can handle (supposibly)
talk to faith, as you know her mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer. right now, i think you both could use one another to lean on. you both would be good for the other. where one of you may be weak, the other will compensate.
love and prayers,
daisey

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IzPoZ
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Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #183979 - 04/03/06 06:46 AM

My belief is that you are not given anything more than you can handle.

While the load may feel heavy at times, *someone* feels that you are strong enough to bear it. Trust me, I know that it seems like a lot, it's how you handle yourself in tough situations that make you a stronger, better person.

Be strong, have faith.

And *try* not to stress too much!

Love,

Iz

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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ItsFaith
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Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184023 - 04/03/06 11:29 AM

Okay...I'm crying now. Eric, you are amazing. If you didn't know it before you certainly should now...and let me be the one to tell you. You are truly blessed to have found such inner strength. I am trying to find it, and failing miserably, but you are my inspiration.

I will pray for your mom.

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franfrog
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Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184035 - 04/03/06 12:16 PM

Eric, I am sorry for all the stuff you have had to deal with but you are always saying that you are not a strong person and you have proved yourself wrong. You are an unbeleivably strong individual and with William by your side, you two are like a rock!(that sounds like a chevy truck commercial) I think you are strong and wonderful and wish I could be half as strong as you!

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Survivor
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Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184046 - 04/03/06 01:09 PM

Well we will see and time will tell. I want the merry-go-round to stop so we all can get off and rest awhile. As I look back, ever since my friend Dan died, its just been going and going. Sooner or later this is going to stop, I unfortunately dont know if I am going to get sick and throw up before the ride comes to the end.

Thank you for telling me I am strong. I need that. I need to give everything I have over to William and Mom. There is not alot of time for Eric right now..

Love

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daisey6205
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Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184049 - 04/03/06 01:38 PM

you always have to make time for yourself or you forget just how important you are to yourself. never for get that you are still an individual that needs love and support and encouragement along the journey.
love you sweetie
daisey

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Survivor
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Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184053 - 04/03/06 02:11 PM

Daisey, this is where I charge my batteries. This is where I get the hope to go on for another day. This is where I get and give.

Love you All,

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daisey6205
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Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184056 - 04/03/06 02:23 PM

we are all here for you, even though it is not the same as having us next to you. just know you are thought of, loved, and prayed for. each day is a new day to breath a little easier. knowing that yesterday is over is reason enough to hope to go on for another day. knowing that your life is irreplaceable and you are loved by so many is hope for another day.
they always say we get back what we gave......... so if you continue to give as freely as you do for others, i am sure your goodness will come back around 100 times over. everything in time sweeie. all good things come to those who wait.
love
daisey

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Survivor
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Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184139 - 04/03/06 09:02 PM

Whats funny about all this??? Im not thinking anything about hiv at all. This stuff is just life stuff like what everyone else on this planet has to deal with. I count my blessings that I have all of you as dear friends AND I DO CARE ABOUT EACH ON OF YOU. This gives me some comfort in knowing I can offer something for being +ve.

"Acceptance is the key"

Love Always!

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moonstarchild
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Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184145 - 04/03/06 11:09 PM

Damn, I take a couple of days off and life moves on without me. Eric, I am so sorry to hear about Mom. I am praying that things were caught early. You and Will both are in my prayers. I hope that you are taking care of yourself. It's kinda like the Nationwide Insurance commericial "Life Moves Pretty Fast". I know that you don't think it, but you are so strong. I know Will sees it too. You will get thru this, just like b4. You have endured so much when you thought you couldn't and look you are still here. You give me and so many others hope when we just can't see it anymore. Hope that we can have and maintain some sort of normalcy with this disease. Hope that some of us can love again -unconditionally. Know that we are all here for you just you have always been there for us. Love to you both.
Charlene

--------------------
HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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Survivor
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Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY new
      #184151 - 04/03/06 11:55 PM

Charlene... I like that quote to from Faris Beauler's day off just before he takes the car out for a spin "Life Moves Pretty Fast". I have every intention on slowing ths down. It almost feels like I have been with William for forever. And that I have had HIV for longer than 8 months.

I have no intention on leaving a place where I grew up (bloody hell I think I have posted 1000 posts in 8 months!). THEBODY has given me so many tools that I need to be able survive (thank you all for that). I get so much from William and then I tell him what I have learned and confirmed and he says to me "You know we talked about this this morning. Oh yea, thats right. Someday, somehow, I think we should all have a reunion of sorts and pick a place to give real HUGS and KISS'S and reflect on this journey we are all on. What a journey this is. I know in the end -

Our appreciation for uncondtional love has skyrocketed.

Our beleifs in LIVING will prevail over adversity.

Our love for life and the sanctity of true friendship will surpase most friendship.

That we as God's creation are being given a gift of knowing what really counts in life. Living and Loving.

That our higher power (God for me) will be walking along side us always. We just need to turn our heads and see he is there right by our side, hand in hand.

That discrimination and hate will slowly fade into a distant memory.

That we will not go silently that our voices are being heard, and we are all fighters, for a quality of life.

That we can help and be care givers and ease others into this way of LIVING.

We have a unique new way of looking at eveyrthing around us. Not miss the oportunity to break out of the mold you may have lived in for years.

And for me, I know I am saved and that our eventual passing will free us from a world that is our learning ground for the brightest eternal joys imaginable.

Faith in whatever you beleive will grow into a powerful force that no one can question nor sway. For this is yours and only yours.

We are living in exciting times of discovery. Don't miss the oportunies that our condition has given us.

Acceptance - Patience - Love & Caring should be my primary respoonse to those who are struggling and searching for their peace with HIV / AIDS..

Finally - I transport my self back to high school when all these beautiful friends that I never got the chance to meet were dying by the hundres of thousands and had no way but to Live for Today because that was all they had. We owe it them to carry the torch and push every envelope in thier memory. They live within us now. They paved the way for us to be allowed time to LIVE and make a difference. We owe them our very lives. So when we get cought up in our piddily little sad lives, remember we have been blessed in their activisim, their courage, their wisdom that they lived and then were snuffed out way before their time.

The suffering continues around the globe. Think about your blessings everyday. They may not be here tomorrow. Tell someone one everyday, that "I am Blessed". For if you truly look deep within yourselves, you truly are. The short time I have lived with my beloved Will, I have lived a lifetime. I am happy we have had as much as we have.

God Bless us all...

Love

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moonstarchild
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Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: COPING CLASS - LEVEL 401 - A PERSONAL JOURNEY
      #184154 - 04/04/06 12:16 AM

I am so blessed and you are so welcome. My Pastor tells me all the time, that Satan is his busiest in our lives not because of where we are now, but we are are going to be and because of the blessings that God has in store for us. We all have some pretty big blessings coming our way. :-) I hope that you and Will will be married soon and that Mom and Dad are there too. I hope that we all are invited and we get to party with the coolest couple that I know right now. Kisses sweetheart to you and Wills. Goodnight. Gotta got to work in a few hours.
Charlene
PS You are so blessed too.

--------------------
HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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