How To Avoid Excessive Negative Thinking - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

I really appreciate reading so many of your posts that give hope and receiving encouraging messages from some of you who are going through many of things that I have or will go through.

Recently, I received a message from Mike that reminded me that my mind can be my best friend or worse enemy. I had no idea just how right he was.

Because of all the guilt I feel, it is easy for my mind to become my enemy and even make positive things seem negative. For example, over the last month, my wife and I have taken on a major home renovations project. Even during our happier times in the past, a project like this would have us constantly bickering and at odds with each other. However, we have spent many evenings and most weekends enjoying lots of fun times working together as a team. Yesterday she mentioned that she would have never guessed that we would have ever gotten to this place in our relationship. She thanked me for proving that I loved her and showing that valued her opinions & skills. These are the types of words I've longed to hear from her for years. However, I began thinking and my joy did not last very long.

Currently, my wife does not know my status. I plan to tell her next week, once the renovations are pretty much completed and when she has a week off from work to deal with all of this terrible news and get tested. I cannot begin to tell how disgusting I feel, knowing that in just a few weeks the woman I love will be at one of the happiest points in her life and in a matter of minutes come crashing down to the lowest of low. She will have to bear the worse heartache of her life because of a stupid decision I made during a time of weakness.

All weekend long, my wife made comments about who would be our first guest in the new dinning room, how we could host a 4th of July celebration in the new patio area, and how we would enjoy making love in our romantic new bedroom. Most of time, I smiled with her as she dreamed of the exciting days to come. However, on the inside my heart is breaking into bits as I realize that I probably won't be living in our home by the time the new furniture arrives. (I'm almost positive she will be asking me to leave, once I break the news to her.)

Since I learned my status (about 1 1/2 weeks ago), the only times I've felt good about myself were when I was making needed repairs and doing extra things around the house that will benefit her when I am no longer living there. I find myself constantly looking around the house and wondering what other problems I can keep her from having to face once I'm gone. I never would have thought that I've get solace from cleaning out the gutters, repairing leaky faucets and fertilizing earlier than usual.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting all of this. Maybe it's because I'm really tired of beating myself up over the mess I've made. As Mike said, my mind can become my worse enemy and cause me to dwell on the worse possible outcomes. I need to find a way to keep my mind from going there.

I would really appreciate any suggestions of ways you've found to keep your mind from excessive negative thinking.

--Gary

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