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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Woman HIV+ and dating...
      #181674 - 03/22/06 01:26 PM

I was dating a guy for 2 years. He knew about my HIV statis and seemed ok with it. He was very loving and understanding. We practiced safe sex, talked about medicine everything. He recently took a job on the road and broke up with me because he said he was having difficulty dealing with the fact that we'll never have a "normal" sex life. He said he wants a family, and that he was afraid I couldn't give that too him! I was so hurt!! He's lived with this for 2 years and he knew, seemed ok with it! Then I found out that my VL went back up to 62,000... that made me feel worse! I'm on new medicine now - but I can't get over the break-up.
How will I ever find someone who can love me for just me? My ex-husband was also + (and I think the one who infected me)... any other women out there with some advice?

Sorry to rant...

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Woman HIV+ and dating... new
      #181681 - 03/22/06 01:57 PM

If he was ok with it for two years then this is probably just an excuse to help him get past the fact that he has to be on the road for work. Whatever helps him to feel better. You do not need that. I am poz and have been for I figure 9 years. Ii only found out 1 year ago. My husband of almost 3 years has been wonderful. He alos wanted a family(aside from my 2 children) and has come to grips that we may not. We are trying to keep poz that maybe we can have another sometime. I am a little confused on the normal sex life?!?!?!? If he thinks having protected sex is not normal, probably do not need him anyway. I think you can defenitly find someone to love you for you and the whole you. Hang in there.

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moonstarchild
Guardian

Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: Woman HIV+ and dating... new
      #181686 - 03/22/06 02:11 PM

I am poz for 2 years on feb 10. My husband died 6 mths ago. He was poz also. I married him knowing that he was poz. i was neg when I started seeing him. I am kinda in the same boat. I have someone that I am seeing who is poz too. I don't know what your bf meant by "normal" sex, but my guy and I have great sex and maybe some of it considered "abnormal" by most people's standards:-). You can find someone it just takes time, just like any other relationship. You can have a relationship with someone whether he be poz or neg and you can still have children. There are women who have healthy babies everyday. You are no exception. Don't isolate yourself. There are internet dating websites for poz people if you want to date only in that circle. It might be easier, but remember they can be jerks too. :-) You are a vibrant, beautiful, sexy woman and don't let anyone tell you diferently! There was someone that I liked and when I told him he couldn't deal with but that was okay. Some will and some won't. He will find you.

--------------------
HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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pozmarie
Member

Reged: 03/20/06
Posts: 21
Re: Woman HIV+ and dating... new
      #181748 - 03/22/06 10:14 PM

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am attractive, successful, financially secure -- AND a positive woman. It is difficult to find someone willing to really be there no matter what. My emotions are a rollercoaster ride sometimes -- I am up but then I am down - way down. I want to drown in my despair sometimes.

But deep down I have hope for me - and I have hope for you. Because really, we are in this together. It may take longer than we would like but I believe that there is someone somewhere for both of us.

I try to accept the fact that it will take longer than I want - but that if I take my time and refuse to settle I will win in the end.

Your world may be dark now but there is light up ahead - just keep moving. Your fight makes all of us stronger. God Bless.

pozmarie

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: Woman HIV+ and dating... new
      #181772 - 03/23/06 06:52 AM

I'm sorry that your boyfriend left you, but like others have said already, it's probably his way of easing his own pain.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Woman HIV+ and dating... new
      #181839 - 03/23/06 11:14 AM

Maybe the best way to get over him is to move on and date someone else - someone who will be there for you when you need it most.
Good luck.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Woman HIV+ and dating... new
      #182127 - 03/24/06 01:29 PM

Thank you for all of your kind words!! It helps to know that there are others out there... I know that I am a worthy person and that I will find the right person- I think that he is using the illness as an excuse and a cop-out. Which doesn't make it any better, but he just wasn't right for me...

Power to the people!
:o) H

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simba
Member

Reged: 03/31/06
Posts: 17
Re: Woman HIV+ and dating... new
      #183650 - 03/31/06 05:00 PM

if u need a friend who is hiv+ & male to talk withpls. call me at 5617799420 after 9pm until 7am this weekend...i too i'm having great emotional difficulty with the next steps...any way i need to have friends with this disease who r women...take care of yourself...distance friend..

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