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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
SELF-ESTEEM
      #172879 - 02/01/06 11:39 PM

So whats it like for those who have it?
So whats it like for those searching for it?

Just Curious

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Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172883 - 02/02/06 12:04 AM

Very good questions Eric... and I think I"m one who is searching. Those around me think I have great self esteem. I'm successful, have a good career, seem to have a great life. But I've always been a very private person and little do they know the struggles I've been through. On the outside I've always looked like I've had it together while on the inside I may have been falling apart. And I think a lot of my searching has centered of fulfilled relationships.

Maybe I'm rambling now. But I would definately be interested in the thoughts of others on this topic.

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172910 - 02/02/06 07:59 AM

Well, self esteem was a no no in my life. With all the wonderful (sarcasim) relationships I had that were full of men telling me I was no good and so on. I do not know if I can tell you what it is like. As for looking for it. When I met my husband well he likes to be a big self esteem booster. I think I realized though I am just going to stop looking for it because I am way past looking for anything anymore. I think things just come to me, it may take time but they come. When that day comes, I will be a happier person. Until that day comes, I will live my life in happiness with my family.

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172962 - 02/02/06 10:51 AM

don't know what it is.....
don't know if i'd know it when i see it either....

i think every relationship has taken another piece of my heart. physically abused, mentally abused, verbally abused my whole life.......

so if anyone finds it, please let me know.......

daisey

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AIDS2HIV
Legend

Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172964 - 02/02/06 11:01 AM

Hi everyone...without sounding moralizing, or the other labels im given. i thought id share with everyone, my take on self -esteem,and how i build mine.

Self -esteem is something we all have, but in most cases ( mine included) we have picked up and carried some emotional baggage throughout our life. When you pick this kind of stuff up, your body has to have a place to "store it" So, we pile this stuff, on top of things we learned so very young,things we were born with, and other good things. Pretty soon when we need to call on something like our self esteem, we search ourselves and dont "see" it. That doesnt mean its not there,it just means we've buried it beyond sight.
When i got ill this last year, i cleaned out all that emotional baggage, the mental BS, all my "secrets"....I have learned the hard way, "a person is only as sick as the secrets they keep"
Which brings about the solution.....TELL SOMEONE. Tell someone about all the stuff ya have piled up inside. Whether it be a friend, a stranger, a priest,a counselor,whatever. Personally, i chose God to tell it to. Because i knew God would listen and not repeat it, therefore no backlash. In doing this, i learned that telling whats inside me, the emotional baggage ive collected through this game called LIFE, by doing so, with each secret i let out, a layer come off that "pile"...when i was done, I was shocked. Because on top of that pile was all those things ive searched for, for so very long, My self-esteem, my compassion, gratitude, it was all there, i didnt need to rebuild, i just needed to clean the pile of emotional baggage, off top of it. ( if i clean it daily, it never piles up!!!)

As for building the pile of good things higher, heres some things that truely do wonders for self esteem building.

Doing something for someone else anonymously- ( no, i dont mean being anonymous and handing out info on the boards) i.e: In the winter when its snows, i gather the family, and at night we visit some of our elderly neighbor's property and shovel thier walks free of snow, and throw rock salt down for them to safely walk, and we don't tell em who done this..We've set in the local coffee shop and heard them going on and on, about how it snowed so much, but the woke up and someone had shovelled thier drive and walk, thier face glowing, thier hearts glowing...the byproduct of all this is...it also makes your heart glow, with a profound sense of Good self.

I always make it a point, to do a little mirror therapy, (my kids used to laugh at me, but now ive even caught them doing it)
Whens the last time ya stood in front of the mirror, looked yourself in the eye, and told yourself " I Love YOU, I think you are wonderful,etc" addressing yourself by name* I have had alot of fun with this one as well....like one day, i made myself list 10 good things about myself, to myself.

Position yourself around "winners" those you consider winners in Life. I have learned, The flock you fly with are the feathers you wear

There is so much, ya can do to build & maintain self esteem, too many to list, I've posted a few of my personal faves, that i've tried, and KNOW they work. Please remeber, this is just my take on it...in no way, are you being told how you SHOULD do this or do that, this is simply how i have personally done it..... Good Luck & God Bless*....

and Eric....if no one else has told ya today...." I LOVE YOU, MY FRIEND"

--------------------
Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172965 - 02/02/06 11:04 AM

Money does not do it.
Fame does not do it.
A great job does not do it.
Supressed virus does not do it.
Life expectancy does not do it.


Love is the answer..

I come here because you love me. You keep loving me until I can learn again to love myself..

Thats my take on Self-esteem..

Love

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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172983 - 02/02/06 12:15 PM

Yes, I agree...love is the answer...love yourself....love one another. I know when mine was at an all time low, I searched for that love....always in the wrong place. Usually in the bed of some hot guy that didn't give two shits about me...and then I ended up feeling worse about myself. Dug that hole a little deeper. My husband loves me...unconditionally....and is helping me to learn to love myself.....but that is the hard part. Some days I just don't want to be around me.

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Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172984 - 02/02/06 12:17 PM

Well said Eric... and I think that fits with what we have all said in terms of what has led to not having self esteem

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172986 - 02/02/06 12:26 PM

Well, I love all of you.

YOUR SELF ESTEEM BETTER BE OOZING OUT OF EVERY POUR IN YOUR BODY!!

Group ((((Hug))))

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antibody
Regular

Reged: 01/28/06
Posts: 27
Loc: san diego, california, usa
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #172999 - 02/02/06 01:41 PM

words don't always help to stop feeling this way. they are only words..

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #173014 - 02/02/06 02:48 PM

Antibody.

I am afraid thats all we have in this invironment. Maybe try and take these words with you.. Test them, try them on. see if they fit. If they dont come back and exchange them for another set of words until you find ones that fit.

Love (I know these are only words)

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Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #173051 - 02/02/06 06:15 PM

Eric and others.... I realize that being loved or a feeling of being loved can have a significant impact on self esteem. Maybe it is the perception of being loved... But, sometimes we can still have a lack of self esteem and yet we know there are people who love us. Your posts on here Eric show that you are intensely loved by William and by your family. I've always known I was loved my my family. So is it a particular kind of love?

Maybe that mucks things up and maybe it has no relevance at all... but just thought I'd toss that out into this mix.

David

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #173073 - 02/02/06 08:09 PM

Co. I just got to read your beautiful post. Sounds like my 4th step which I probably need to do again. I shared it with my sponsor and God and that brought my esteem from the pits. Its time to do one again I guess. Just a different focal point this time.

Am I weird if I put my lips on the mirror and kiss myself? Not that I dont get kisses.. But I was wondering if that could help? Dont be offended, its just me thinking out loud. I have to be quiet in the morning otherwise I will wake up William.

Thanks Co...

I got it a few times today..

Love

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #173075 - 02/02/06 08:12 PM

David.. Im going to wackya. You self proclaimed lover of life who gives so much to this site. Bless you my son. If I had one. I just wana squeeze you till your stuffings come out. As well as your self-esteem!

Love

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AIDS2HIV
Legend

Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: SELF-ESTEEM new
      #173109 - 02/02/06 10:58 PM

nope, no need to feel weird......God Bless*

--------------------
Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

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