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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Concerned Dad- Transmission Question
      #172330 - 01/30/06 07:27 AM

Hello all, I was diagnosed positive six months ago and started on meds right away. I must have had it for a while because my CD4 was only 24! Anyway, I am tolerating the meds pretty well so far. I have three young children and my doctor has told me that are not at risk, just be careful about blood and any cuts to cover them up if they are fresh. I happen to be a worry wort and are very careful about this. I do construction so I happen to have a lot of breaks in my skin! Anyway, I read somewhere that when on meds, you are less likely to transmit? I am undetectable. Can I use this information to put my mind at ease a bit? I mean if I did have a cut that I was not that aware of or something, would the fact that I am undetetctable put the risk to almost zero anyway? I just want a little peace and not worry so much around my kids. But I want the honest truth regarding this. Also, what about with my wife for semen, I guess? What if the condom broke, would my undetectable viral load protect her even more? Thank you. Looking for some help...

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Jessie
Guardian

Reged: 06/15/04
Posts: 395
Re: Concerned Dad- Transmission Question new
      #172334 - 01/30/06 08:45 AM

Hey there daddy,,

Well first i would like to say,,,,welcome !!!!! Its always hard to know what is best when You are involved with Your own Children and such BUT the only thing i will say is that You cannot worry about every little thing You do. HIV, as You already know, cannot be transmitted all that easily. Yes, if You have a cut that is bleeding it should be covered and Yes, wearing condoms is an excellent practice,,You are correct in everything You say there BUT big Daddy, You have to be realistic here a bit as well....If the condom breaks and if You have a unknown cut it is alwys reasomn for concern within reason. An undetectable vl does not mean that Your wife will not get HIV....but the condoms have been known to break and she would just get tested...and i am sure all would be fine....they dont break all the time....As far as Your children, it would have to be doirect contact of an open cut on Your kids as well and find its way right into Your open cut that would be bleeding and the chances of that happening are slim....Just always be careful, as i am sure You have been, remember not to let this disease overtake Your life,,You DO still have one and try and enjoy Your family a bit, without the fear that a small cut or a broken condom (on accident) will ruin their lives.....You have done a noble thing by asking Your questions and they are good ones...If You feel so strongly about the kids and Your wife, another suggestion would be to talk with Your doc again at Your next visit and review with Him Your concerns and see wut He has to say...that is always an option. You sound like someone who is aware of what needs to be done and what You should be doing...so i would not worry...try not to ...OK??? Be well and LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy each second of each day and be thankful Your family is behind You and Love You.....Have a nice day and it is nice meeting ya.....

~Jessie~
HIV+ since 2-3-04
"While there is breath, there is Hope.....Life".

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Concerned Dad- Transmission Question new
      #172338 - 01/30/06 09:18 AM

Welcome. I am a mother and also poz. I found out only six months ago and I too was worried about my children and if I had a cut. You are undetectable which is great and also a big thing. I do think that should put your mind at ease and also, just be careful. This is not as easily transmittable as you may think. Be careful and you will be fine.

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AIDS2HIV
Unregistered

Post deleted by Becky new
      #172343 - 01/30/06 09:43 AM



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Concerned Dad- Transmission Question new
      #172474 - 01/31/06 07:24 AM

Thank you to all. What would you recommend is a good age to tell your kids? I have a five year old and two year old. Is it okay to tell them to keep it a secret from their friends etc? Will they? I want to tell them to help them understand and protect theirselves but I don't want them to worry about dad or tell other people for their own sake. I don't want people to ostracize them, since I know first hand how ignorant people can be!

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Concerned Dad- Transmission Question new
      #172475 - 01/31/06 07:58 AM

I know your feeling and I think everyone has their own opinion on this. I myself have an 11 and 8 year old and have not told them yet. I have some reasons why, one of them being I do not want their friends to shut them out. I also need to learn more about this disease myself before I can try to explain it in terms that my children will understand. My son who is the 11 year old, is reading about Magic Johnson for a book report and asked me about it and will be learning about it in health class this year. I may consider telling him after he learns something about it through school now. My 8 year old on the other hand, she is a smart cookie but I do not think she can handle that right now. I am taking care of myself and am very careful. My husband is very supportive and we are fine. There are people who already have told their children and they are younger then mine. It is all a matter of opinion. Good luck

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Brandy
Guru

Reged: 01/19/06
Posts: 208
Loc: Oklahoma,USA
Re: Concerned Dad- Transmission Question new
      #172682 - 02/01/06 01:13 AM

Frist welcome

I have teenage daughters who live with their dad I've been poz for 9 years only known for 7 anyways their Dad and I sat them down two years ago we told what I had and what it was we also told them that they shouldnt tell their friends. however they are alot older then yours,

again welcome to the body.

--------------------
take care and be sooooo safe love,
Brandy

Live in the Moment!!!!

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Concerned Dad- Transmission Question new
      #172880 - 02/01/06 11:40 PM

Hi anonymous (dad)

I've been positive for 13 years and have two kids. i have to say, your fears are very normal....especialy early in diagnosis. I found out when my oldest was only 3.....and i was so scared of my own blood.

but the way I explained it to my son (because of the ignorance of others) was that mommy has a germ in her blood that "could" get her sick. if mommy was to get a cut that bled, please let me cover and clean it first.
he was very understanding about the "germ" talk. its something that kids that young CAN understand. you could try doing it that way....you know your children better than anyone else.
my teenage son didnt find out "what" the germ was called until he was about 11. he came home from school and told me how his teacher was talking to the kids about "aids". I knew that was my "door opener". you'll know when the time is right.

and your condom use/and your medications are the best things you can do for you and your wife. my husband and I have had quite a few "brakes" in the condom. he has tested negative for 8 years.

love and prayers
deb

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