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Reged: 11/29/05
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      #165570 - 11/29/05 06:31 AM

I have been with my children's father for quite some time, on and off. We're both hiv+. He was deported and got in trouble in his country, and i got angry. i didn't contact him for some time, and he thought i left him. but i always speak my mind and if i were to break up with him, i'd say it.
Anyway, i finally called him because his father is very ill and dying, he will pass away within the week. He started the conversation by calling me 'baby', it's a reflex since he's called me that from the time we met, 9 years ago. He then retracted it, saying that i'm not his baby anymore because i left him. i let him go on, and when he stopped, i proceeded to tell him about his ailing father and we discussed the plans his family out here have.
He, then, began to address our relationship and why i left him. i told him that i didn't leave him, but i was too angry to talk to him, so i waited until i could talk to him without being offensive. Well, he thought the contrary and explained to me how he tried to move on with his life down there but couldn't. He said he needed to be honest with me and told me that he was talking to someone before, and had actually slept with someone else, but was no longer with that person because she found out he was positive. He is planning on coming back to town. I don't know how to take this.
I actually felt a twinge of hatret towards him, because I expected him to be stronger than that. His love bordered on obsession and he had always been very devoted in the past. I really don't know what to do, because now I picture him and imagine that he was doing the same things with that person that he did with me.

But here's the deal. The logical part of my brain says that I have no right to judge him. You see, a few years ago I was in an ongoing sexual relationship with an acquaintance of his when he was in jail. I also partied and did everything I missed out on when I was with him, i.e. sowing my wild oats and never calling these people ever again. You could say I cheated because I did it to the guy I was sleeping with and my guy in jail. My guy didn't know about my ongoing casual partner; and my casual partner didn't know about my clubbin' trists.

My guy was put in jail by me, and up until a month before his release, I started to visit him and talked about getting back together. But I was still sleeping with my casual partner up until a day before his release date. I denied having relations with this person, because it was casual sex and nothing more. And the guy didn't say anything either because he didn't want any problems. My guy always had suspitions but they were never substantiated.

Now, He explained that he would hate if i had anyone else. And i, of course, lashed out back, "Why is it okay for you to have someone, but not me?". He explained that he doesn't want a new guy to try to tell me that he doesn't love me, when he does. I told him that if I would have someone, I don't want him to hurt the new guy. He said that he wouldn't and he'd stay out of it. I'll be honest here, I don't want him to move on. How can I explain it.... I would love to see him twinge by seeing me with someone new, but I don't want him to have anyone. I've seen myself actually testing his loyalty to me, and it's scary. I don't like when I feel this way, and I hate trying to exert control over people, but it happens anyway. It sounds evil, but it feels bad afterward. i know that i slept with someone else, well, many other someone elses before his trouble that led him to be deported.

Is this a "what goes around, comes around" thing? Is Karma teaching me a lesson? How should I deal with this or the emotions I'm feeling? If my guy comes out here, he's going to want affection, and now that I know he slept with someone else, his touch would make me sick. I can't even imagine sleeping with him without thinking that he did the same with someone else, in this same year. It sounds nuts, but I NEED SOME HELP, PLEASE.

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Reged: 11/12/05
Posts: 12
      #165684 - 11/30/05 01:08 PM

Well,it would seem as though you still LOVE this man.I think
so anyway.My late mother taught me that you finish,what you
start,and anything you have,is worth your hold.Huh,what does this have to do with your dilemma? I guess,if you love
him Boricuaqueen79,then you will find away to hold on to this
man or you will end it,in which case,you will always be uncertain about your decision.My two cents, if it`s in your heart,make it work.Living proud is pretty lonely at times.

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Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 2
      #166089 - 12/04/05 09:17 AM

My concern is for your children.

He's their father? What kind of father figure is he? Would they be better off with, or without, him?

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