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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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      #164015 - 11/13/05 06:23 AM

I alot of times feel I dont want to fight anymore. I've been positive since 1984 and I just am tired. I don't want to try anymore. It is just all to much and I feel like I'm going to die soon anyway. I have handled hiv/aids but this past year I am very ill, hep c and hep b. I just am too wore down to go through anynmore. I lost my job, lost my sobriety, went back on crack. They took my son and my wife left me. I just can't get my head right. Noone will help me now, because of the addiction. I really blew it big time. I tricked my car off and now everyone is so mad at me they won't give me a ride to the doctor for my meds. I don't know what to do. I'm having depression but the meds are not helping me. I have nothing to live for. My cd4 is not raising, it hasn't gone over 30 in the past year. Now they want to give me treatment for hep c and I hear that is like hell to go through. I need help before I end up killing myself.

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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Self-pity new
      #164017 - 11/13/05 06:35 AM

i wish that this could be helped in an easy way. I know its not. i think the first thing that MUST be helped is (I'm sure you know what I am going to say) the drugs. as i'm sure you know....your family would not give up or not want to help you...if it were just for the hiv. i dont have to say how hard it is to not help someone we love and want to help.....but anyone attached to the life of a person who does drugs...carries alot of hurt...that they know can be prevented or helped...but only you can help you with that.
you've done this since there must have been alot of time that you were on the right track. you know what you have to do first.....please, pick up the phone and do it!! get your life and your family back!! your tcells CAN go up...but you have to stop hurting yourself....

please talk to me and let me know what you have done/or are going to do!!

people love you and care, but you know and they know they cant make things change unless you do.....but they also cant hurt the innocent people in their lives (as in your child) because your life isnt as valuable to you!!

much love and prayers to you,

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Reged: 10/31/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Self-pity new
      #164043 - 11/13/05 07:59 PM

A slip is a hard thing to deal with... Get back to your NA group. They will never turn their back on you! Dont beat yourself up either. Read the big book. Then and only then will things get better. I guarantee it..



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