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Anonymous
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Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad
      #163682 - 11/08/05 10:27 PM

Wow, I just read all the posts and I am sorry about all the problems that have arised. I did not mean to stir people so much. What I was looking for was a way to educate myself other than the internet and chat rooms so I could feel comfortable, for example an hiv specialist, but how can I see one if I don't have it? That is all I wanted was some ideas. But to give you people some more information. No one needs to feel bad for my ex, My ex sees the kids all the time every week and weekend and he sees them alot. They are young and one is a baby and the other is very young. The only thing they do not do is sleep overnight with him and I want to feel comfortable about it someday but they are not ready yet anyways because of their age. But I would never try to keep them away from him, I am just worried about overnight and his lack of judgement. And yes, my ex does get mad when I try to talk to him about risks. But it is not me who is wrong it is him because he has shaved and bled and not covered it and had bleeding cuts not scabbed and not covered it, mixed toothbrushes up etc. I am not ganging up on him, he is my friend but he will not talk about it calmly. Yes, I feel I have every right to know his health condition regarding caring for the children and I would feel that way whether he has hiv or cancer. He is not allowed to get the kids unsupervised because he is a drug user and he cheated on me many many times and he put me at risk for the disease. All of why I am now divorced, he got it while we were married.. but I was not trying to bring that part into it. But his drug habits are part of the reason he is in denial and gets mad when I talk to him about body fluids. The reason I am now asking is he is doing better at becoming clean and the unsupervised might be a reaility soon. Thanks all for your help. My first concern is my babies and I have no one to talk to about this, just the internet which I can see why I am confused. take care.....

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163703 - 11/09/05 09:44 AM

most of us would not have jumped to conclusions if we would have known the entire story. sorry. i now can understand more of your concerns.
my apologies to you, but not to the moron.
daisey

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ItsFaith
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Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163708 - 11/09/05 10:16 AM

I'm sorry that you were sort of put in the middle of that explosion. As I stated previously...every mom can understand being concerned....and it is good that you are looking for knowledge and trying to do what is best for the children. I would be concerned with the visits because he is a drug user...I hope he continues to get clean...for his sake and for the children. If he can straighten up, perhaps he won't be so lax in covering bleeding wounds, etc. I think the drugs are the problem...not the HIV. I will pray for you and your ex and your children..that you may find healing, and peace....so your children can grow up happy and healthy, with a mom and a dad (even if divorced).

The anger was directed at the individual that is so hateful and judgemental of pos people. You have suffered so much...I wish only healing and love for you and your kids.

Faith

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Anonymous
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Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163714 - 11/09/05 11:15 AM

If you have insurance or the financial means you should make an appointment with an infectious disease dr who handles HIV/AIDS patients just to ask him those important questions you have about transmission. Protecting your children should be a first priority. Lots of kids grow up with absent fathers for many different reasons and turn out perfectly fine. If he is a drug user who consequently got HIV/AIDS maybe he isn't the best role model for your children, let alone a safe bet to take care of them.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163722 - 11/09/05 12:29 PM

You should have told us straight up about the drugs. That should have been in your very first post. Obviously this weighs much more than the remoteness of his HIV infection. What kind of game are you playing? You get everybody all worked up and then once they start to settle down, you say "Oh, by the way, there's this too!" What's next, he has a history of domestic violence? You shouldn't even have to ask anyone about the safety of your kids. Now I feel sorry for you more than him, and for your kids most of all.

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franfrog
Unregistered

Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163737 - 11/09/05 02:28 PM

Either way, I feel like maybe he sould get help. Maybe you can suggest talking to him about going to the Dr with him and as a friend and the mother of his children you can learn about this together. He is probably irresponsible because of the drug use but not intentionally for the kids. He does not sound like a great influence on the kids but no matter how you look at it, that is there father and you don't want to take that away from either of them as long as he trying to still be in their life. Try to help him get the help and see the Dr with him, that will answer any questions you have and make him hopefully feel better about himself.

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163745 - 11/09/05 03:35 PM

I am very glad you posted this. Because not only does it give a better understanding on "why" you are not comfortable about the unsupervised visits .... but it also means that the anonymous poster did not convince you that your fears should be confirmed.
if he is still using (or atleast hasn't been clean for one year), then I too would not be comfortable with him having over nights. his sobriety and being clean (as you know) need to be priority if he wants to have his kids overnights. you say he is on the verge of "becoming" clean....solidarity in sobriety is much more convincing when a user is sober ATLEAST 8 months to one year. (keep that in mind before deciding).
you could call an infectious disease office and see if a physician will talk to you. let them know your concerns. that you want to learn what the possible risks may be. on the other hand....I work at an ID office and your right.....if your not positive, they may not book you a visit....just on the sole reason to ask questions. What if you asked "your" physician if he would be willing to ask an ID doctor that he knows to talk to you. or to refer you to a social worker in the ID department. Or another option would be to ask your x if you could go with him to a doctors appt and talk to his doctor about it. if he is getting frustrated about it....it may be a bit easier on both of you to get the answers to hope to find without all the frustration, just by wanting to know...if you are able to ask a doctor who is more familiar with it.

i do wish you the best of luck. being a mom myself....i understand your point of view. it does make things much more clear....learning about the drug use. is he going to meetings? or in a program?



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163768 - 11/09/05 08:36 PM

Thank you to all. I have decided to make an appointment with an infectious disease doctor and talk to him. That was a great idea. I just hope they will see me even though I am not positive. Once again sorry for the big explosion, I did not mean to get everyone upset.. I would never give up my kids whether i had hiv or not, but your posts helped me to see it is his drug use that makes me scared of his disease because he is so irresponsible.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Young Mother of divorced hiv positive dad new
      #163786 - 11/09/05 10:41 PM

You shouldn't have any problem getting in to see an infectious disease doctor. I am in the same position and I have a myriad of doctors who will answer my questions and schedule time with me. Due to the patient privacy protection laws your x husband's dr cannot provide you specific information about his personal health, but he/she may still be willing to sit down and talk to you. Best of luck and stay on track, you are doing the right thing. It sounds like you are truly the only parent your kid's have right now.

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