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worried mom
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how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV pos
      #158463 - 08/10/05 08:27 PM

my daughter is 9 I have not told her she is HIV pos. I have told her she has something with her blood & but I haven't approached HIV & what that all means. she takes her meds w/no questions but I know that time will be here that I will need to explain to her. we live in a very closed minded area & iI don;t want her to suffer...any advice??

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debtex
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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV pos new
      #158467 - 08/10/05 09:36 PM

I'm sure it is still pretty accepting at that age, your right, and maybe because she doesn't understand what hiv is. I've seen alot of children (especially girls) rebel with their parents as they get older about their medications, so it is really great that she takes them well. Teenage girls will feel as though, you dont understand how it is they feel, how can you tell them to take these medications, that they dont like how they make them look, or feel.
I know how rough this must be on you, you want her to understand her disease as well. Do her friends know about her status? You have done all that you can with telling her that she has hiv, that this "could" effect her immune system, and that it lives in her blood. But what would be hard, would be how to know what you should tell them..."what it all means"? What does it all mean to you? Does it mean that she may get sick? Does it mean that she may die? You really should gather all the information you can........and tell her "when she asks". I know part of you wants her to understand what hiv is that she has. My son was told when he was 3 that mommy had a germ in her blood, that could make her very sick. he was such a good kid about it. he was my angel all those years, he watched me be sick. the thing is, I never really told him the "name" of the virus until I thought he would be ok about it. I didn't want kids to be afraid of him. but at 12 he came home and told me about the teacher talking about AIDS!! he looked repulsed...so I told him..Thats what the germ is called that I have. We talked about it for hours. I think he wanted to cry, but knew i've had it so long, she's not dying...
So its important to let her approach the questions, but not to give her too much of the negativity. There are age appropriate ways and things to say. (its too bad you didn't know what she was going to ask though!!). But you'll see, when her questions come out, you will be able to answer them. it should be honestly, but without fear. does she ever say anything about how the meds make her feel? How long has she been taking them, since birth?? How is she doing, physically....it sounds as though mentally she is ok with it? and thats great. do any of her friends know. ?
I'm sorry as a mother you have to deal with this, or i know as being a parent myself....we want to take away any fear or pain from our kids. Its awful she has to live this way....and its great she is so good about her medications, and I think when she starts asking questions, will be when it effects her, when she wants to know how its transmitted. (dont worry mom) I mean...at 13 or so, she may want to kiss a boy? people will be taking about hiv by then, and of course they will be talking in a fearful way, because they dont know. and she may begin to ask MORE questions then. You will definitly need alot of answers for her. especially the way women (even young girls) are self concious about themselves. I wish you all the very best. Perhaps you could ask at an AIDS organization if they have any programs that may help. Perhaps some hospitals may know of support groups for others in similar situations.

I pray for you both. you really have a tough road ahead.

love and prayers,
debbie

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TwinsDad
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Reged: 07/13/05
Posts: 27
Loc: USA
Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV pos new
      #158533 - 08/11/05 09:02 PM

Hi,

As a parent I know how hard it is to deal with HIV. I am new to this but I will have to deal with the same situation in the future. I will tell my kid that we are exposed to different things in life. One of them are viruses, you can mention all the different viruses such as flu, hepatitis, etc. Some of them are different. We currently do not have the cure for HIV but I am pretty sure that in the future we will have better medicines that will make HIV like a regular infection. For example, in earlies 1800 the tuberculosis virus was a popular virus that was killing a lot of people. They didn't have the cure until our century. Now if you have TB you don't get too scare because we have good medicine in place. Same thing will happen with HIV. Even now we can see the difference from 15 years ago. It will get better. You can tell your kid that is just a matter of time and that it will get better in the future., but she has to take her medicines during all this process. I am pretty sure that she will understand. We are exposed to million of viruses during our daily activities. If you want to talk more, please send me an email to ehenriquez1@msn.com

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debtex
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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV pos new
      #158565 - 08/12/05 02:05 PM

havent heard back from you "worried mom" ? how are things going?

with love
debbie

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SWC
Unregistered

Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV po new
      #159075 - 08/24/05 10:22 PM

Thank you so much for your prayers and good advice. I am sorry for such a long delay in responding but I just began a new job and it's been very hectic. To answer some of your questions: my daughter has been on meds since birth and she is doing great, in fact we both are...I have been pos since 88 and didn't know I was hiv until after she was born...my private physician never figured her patients were hiv (upper middle-class professional) and never offered prenatal testing...anyway...I deal with it and we enjoy and love life. I will keep your advice in hand as she grows up - I'm sure it will help. Thank you again and God Bless YOu and yours.

SWC

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SWC
Unregistered

Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV po new
      #159076 - 08/24/05 10:24 PM

Thanks for sharing...you gave me some great advice especially how to relate it to other viruses...which she does understand. I plan on emailing you. Sorry for the long delay. I just started a new job and I have been very busy . Thanks.

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Anonymous
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Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV po new
      #159238 - 08/29/05 05:02 AM

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TwinsDad
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Reged: 07/13/05
Posts: 27
Loc: USA
Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV pos new
      #161018 - 10/03/05 10:35 AM

Hi,
I need to talk to you. please send me a private message.

Thank You

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behorsee
Member

Reged: 07/22/05
Posts: 22
Re: how do I explain to my 9 yr. old she is HIV pos new
      #166574 - 12/08/05 10:18 AM

MY sons known since he was 2 going to HIV camps helps them understand alot there are some very good ones and mostly free your DR. should have a list of them 2 good ones my son goes to is camp heartland and camp laruel shes getting to the age were she needs to start understanding these camps help alot! Brenda

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