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CulinaryGirl
Unregistered

Questions about Risks for New Beau?
      #156629 - 06/28/05 01:52 AM

I am an HIV+ woman who recently met a GREAT HIV- guy. In an emotional release, I disclosed my status to him and he vows to stay by my side and do whatever he can do so that we can share in a full relationship together.

Just knowing this makes me want to cry because I feel very accepted and loved.

I have a few questions I was hoping you could answer as, naturally, this new fellow is concerned about HIS risks.

Now, we can have sex with a condom and it's still considered a potential risk..but is there any way we can minimize that risk even further?

Also, he has a problem with gingivitis and is worried about kissing and oral sex because of this.

Will his bleeding gums be a problem for either of us?

And with me being the positive person in the relationship, how do things go in regards to me being the receiver of oral sex? What is his risk there?

Can anybody give me some advice or point me in the right direction?



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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156651 - 06/28/05 10:24 PM

Please take comfort in the fact that there is quite a lot you can do safely. I have been w/ my husband almost 8 yrs and he is negative. Oral sex is safe. they say it is only a theoretical risk. in any case.....LOW, LOW, LOW, really unworrysome risk.
About the gingivitis, this would pose a problem if you had bleeding gums or terrible open sores as well. Do you also have ginigvitis? Do your gums bleed often when you brush? (or at all). Your getting his blood (if he is negative) is safe in the kissing regard, but if you too have gingivitis, this could pose a rare problem. but if you do not, then I would not even worry about this.

any time you are unsure....reach out and learn. That is what my husband and I have always done if we did not know about the risk. (I even tried oral on him w/ a condom, but felt like I was going to choke on a balloon.....what if it broke, I thought?)..

Love and prayers to you, and please, talk to me soon, (when you can)

Debbie

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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156653 - 06/29/05 12:33 AM

God bless you Deb for the choking on a balloon comment...how true it is!!! I dont see how anyone does it!! As always you give excellent advice!!

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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spiritzone2
Grand Master

Reged: 06/24/05
Posts: 166
Loc: PORTLAND ROCKS !!
Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156655 - 06/29/05 03:20 AM

I am an HIV+ man in a budding relationship with a fantastic HIV- gal. I can absolutely identify with you feeling very accepted and loved. She doesn't care if i have HIV. That's way cool. I do care if I infect her: We take precautions. I don't know about the oral sex thing. i suggest using a dental dam or saran wrap. just to be on the safe side. that's my opinion, but i'm not a doctor. The gingivitis is a problem. He should do whatever he can to get his mouth healthy. gingivitis is usually caused by plaque. have him get a dental cleaning as soon as possible, reduce sugar consumption, and take care of his teeth the best he can. Reducing stress would be good too. If he smokes, then the gingivitis will be agrivated. Gosh there's so many ANONYMOUS people's posts I've responded to, i'm starting to get confused. How hard would it be to register here ?? On the condom thing, i think the very best brand of condoms are DUREX. they're made of plastic, not latex and transfer heat much better and are much much stronger and won't break even under rough oh you know what i mean. Good Luck

--------------------
OUR FOCUS DETERMINES OUR REALITY.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156725 - 07/01/05 01:52 AM

Are you undectable...then it's even a lower risk..not zero but lower. As for Oral sex...really hard to get hiv this way...but be careful if you are menstruating...that's a big danger.

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woman-in-love
Unregistered

Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156855 - 07/05/05 06:23 PM

Hi!

I'm "new" here, and am very content to have found this site! I've been together with my HIV+man for two wonderful years, am myself negative. We've had two condom accidents where I've taken the "within 72 hour" treatment. So far, so good. We had to move on to find safer methods. I can recommend femidom (condom for women), or that he pulls out before ejaculation (with condom).

I think sometimes it is very difficult, and I would also like some advice from people who have been in long relationships; how do you cope with the fear of maybe being contam? I have to admit it is tough... I think that sometimes its only a matter of time before I'm also HIV+. Am I being too anxious??

Love to u all!!

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156859 - 07/05/05 08:10 PM

I think you may be being too cautious, but with your health in the matter, why wouldn't you be. I'm sure its not that you love your man any less, but of course you (or he) does not want you to get hiv.

My husband has remained negative for almost 8 yrs. We have had a few accidents. I have found the female condoms to be the worst. (they always slip). But have found that the durex condoms (preferred over trojans, and all others at stores) that even when ejaculated we have not had breakage at ALL in 8 yrs with those. (and those are the FREE ones at the clinic). of course, with the breakage issues, he did go on the PEP, but it was recommended for 28 days, not only 72 hrs. ?

I think you will always remain negative if you always are safe. dont assume its just a matter of time.

Have you ever had any slippage problems with the female condoms. because I thought they would be great too, but found always when we were finished....that it has slipped out of place?

love and prayers to you
deb

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woman-in-love
Unregistered

Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156867 - 07/06/05 05:13 AM

Hi Deb,

Thanx for your kind reply and advice! Will definately try durex! I never had probs with femidom, but before intercourse, we check that we leave the end well on the outside. Of course I've also imagined I'll find it slipped away, and sometimes I have to check if its still there - which is stressful as well. And when he pulls out, he has to hold it.

You're of course right about 28 days - its not a 72 hour treatment!! The first accident, the virus was undetec. but the second time detec. and the doctor said it was "high risk", which of course kept me anxious for a month.

My lovely partner had HIV for 16 years before he developed AIDS. But after that diagnosis, he has been strong and healthy for the last five years.

Are you on medication all the time? Do you have any advice of how to "help" or support my partner? Sometimes he feels very tired, but I guess thats the medication?

Thanks and keep well!

Lots of love to u!!!


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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Questions about Risks for New Beau? new
      #156880 - 07/06/05 05:01 PM

I've actually been fortunate enough to take a "holiday" from my meds. its getting to be a nice, long, holiday, which I am enjoying. I have been on meds the first 8 yrs of my diagnosis. I was off for almost 2 yrs but went back on last yr for the 9 months I was pregnant. But my son is almost 1, and I decided I wanted to stop them again (of course, keep an eye on my #'s quartly). I feel very fortunate to have the break. The side effects can be exausting sometimes.
How does your boyfriend tolerate the meds he is on? I know the first regimin I was on was HORRID. days were long and miserable (and usually with my face in the toilet). but the 2nd regimin was MUCH better. There was a bit nausia here and there, but the first set was so bad, that I didn't even notice it much. Is this his first time being on meds since being poz, ? cuz thats good, to go that long w/ out needing meds.
I've been poz for 12 yrs, #'s are still good, and viral load is low, so I know I am fortunate to take this "break", or holiday. (one of the best damn holidays i've had). (:

Love and prayers to you both. !!
Debbie

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woman-in-love
Unregistered

Hi Deb! new
      #157413 - 07/17/05 08:13 PM

Thanks for your reply... been on holiday (no internet)! Glad you can take a break:)
My boyfriend has been on meds for the last four years (after having developed AIDS). His worst problem is fatigue. He says it makes him tired. Sometimes he goes on and off his meds, as how he feels, but I don't know if that is such a good idea. His specialist wants him to take his med regularly.

He eats very healthy and does a lot of sports, in fact he is in better shape and more energetic than most people I know. He has been a single parent of three children, and raised them by himself!

You've probably tried a lot of things against the nausea? Hope you are enjoying your "free" period!

Love to you!!


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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Hi Deb! new
      #157414 - 07/17/05 10:09 PM

hey there. Long time. Glad to see you back! Hope all is well. I hope you enoyed your holiday, and hope to hear back from you soon.

Your boyfriend has been on meds for 4 yrs, thats prettty good, his numbers must be getting back in shape huh?! You should let him know though, that I know how horrible the medications can make you feel, and there are things they can give to help the nausia and stuff nowadays, but to stop & start them on how well he feels is the worst thing he can do for resistance reasons. This is why your doctor will suggest such a strict regimin. because when you take ANY medication for a long period of time, if not taken consistantly so your body gets used it, your body (or the virus) will create a resistance, and certain meds wont work. That can be quite hazzardous for option reasons. Please check into this more, and show your boyfriend. Try a different regimin, ask what other options he may have (it may not make him feel so bad, sometimes it just depends on finding what is right for him, if he can take them). or stopping all together if he is having a hard time being consistant. because once his body builds resistant to alot of options, there are few things you can take for medications. Please, this is very important to your lives and future. I'm sorry if I found like a party pooper, I'm just concerned and care. How is his viral load and cd4 because if they are in okay shape he "may" be able to take a break, but should not if his immune systems needs this right now. he should really ask his specialist what some other options may be. that what he is on now is making him feel worse. there are even tests called genotypes, and phenotypes to see what medications his virus may be reistant to.

A single dad is always admirable. (it can be quite attractive too). he sounds really great. hope all is going well for everyone.

love and prayers to you
debbie

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woman-in-love
Unregistered

Re: Hi Deb! new
      #157648 - 07/22/05 07:00 PM


Hi deb!

Thanks so much for all your good advice and concern. Yes, it certainly sounds serious what he is doing! I have to discuss this with him, because I'm sure he does'nt realise the resistance issue. Am really glad you informed us! The thing is that he "hates" taking medication, you know, there are people who dislike even headache-pills, so that has sort of been the case. Another thing, which may sould incredible, is that he does not want to know what his t-cell count is and viral load. I know that sounds weird, so that again means I don't know. All I do know is that the doctor said that it should be better... I told him I'd like to come next time he visits his specialist, so at least I can get some information.

I know it must sould terribly ignorant, but I don't even know what t-cell and viral load indicates. What should the figures be for people who are HIV- ? I've just recently begun discussing this with him, as I'm new to this site- so I've just begun learning things thanks to great answers people like you give := ) I must say I'm very impressed with your good advice and the amount of time you dedicate to answering people like myself - who knew pract. nothing....

It's not easy, because I guess people who are HIV+ sometimes are in denial, they don't what to think about it at all. I know my boyfriend dreads the day he has to go and see his specialist, seeing the nurses, doctors and other patients, it just gives him a bad feeling.

How are your days? Do you often feel tired`? Do you have any children yourself, because that enquires a lot of energy - at times :)

Again, thank you so much!!!

love to you

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