Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol

HIV Life >> Living With HIV

Pages: 1
Anonymous
Unregistered

HIV a dating NIGHTMARE
      #134065 - 02/06/05 01:37 AM

Can anyone else share my agony? I am 24 years old and positive. I am an attractive woman but I am having extreme difficulty meeting other positive men to date. I have been through all of the online matchmakers and I cannot find anyone remotely close to where I live in Louisiana. Am I looking in the wrong places - or trying to achieve the impossible? Any insight is helpful. thank you.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #134068 - 02/06/05 04:48 AM

You arn t trying to achieve the impossible. You never know whats around the next corner! Love may find you...!

Be well and stay well.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
RIVERLADY
All Star

Reged: 02/03/05
Posts: 88
Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #134070 - 02/06/05 10:00 AM

You don't have to date just positive men. Any man whos intellegent wise and caring is all you need to look for . There are may couples where one is not infected. And it's not that easy for a man to get infected from a woman. Why limit yourself to someone thats also carring extra baggage. Sure its a tough subject to approach with someone not positive, but that's where the caring ,wise, and intellegence comes in. I have a girlfriend whos in a relationship with someone positive. Not all non-infected understand but that doesn't men you can't havethat loving relationship


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Reply new
      #134077 - 02/06/05 12:00 PM

Thank you for your advice. I know I can date negative men, but I am scared that the burdens on them will eventually play out and they will not make the long haul. I want to have children in the future. When I make love to a negative man I am always concerned about how he really feels when he touches me - and if he constantly worries about being infected. I don't want to have to worry so much.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #134081 - 02/06/05 04:25 PM

Iím a negative male dating a positive women and weíve been dating for about a year now. In my particular circumstances we are both in the medical profession and weíre both quite a bit older than you. I knew she was positive before anything happened but I was interested in her, the disease was just an additional hurdle.

In my opinion communication is the most important issue, we both understand the risks and as said earlier it is more difficult for a male to become infected, not impossible, just more difficult. At first she was very concerned about my well being but she knew from how I treated her that her status was not that important to me.

I do know some males in similar circumstances and I find the best chances for a successful relationship is to try to find someone who cares for you and isnít actually in love with the status of their partner. Living with HIV is not the same for a negative person; they can walk away for awhile, a luxury not afforded to the positive person.

Another thing I have found is that while my partner doesnít bemoan her status she has great fears that sheíll become a burden at some point in the future. I say all this to let you know that while your status may make some shy away from you, there are a number of intelligent males who fully understand the impact of HIV, both mentally and physically and you shouldnít try to limit yourself in finding love. If you find MR Right heíll not be overly concerned with this virus, heíll be understanding and will participate in safe guarding is health. One point that I canít overstress is the need for condoms; some guys will feel that they canít get infected, especially if your viral load is undetectable. They may pressure you for unprotected intercourse, especially in the heat of the moment so to speak. Thatís a no no, theyíll probably remain uninfected but one time will lead to another and so on. A person that really loves you will understand your insistence on protection.

As to having babies, well that is actually becoming more and more common. There are a number of methods available that are no risk to the male and some methods that pose very little risk to the male.

Tale care and Iím sure that if you are as intelligent as you are articulate youíll eventually find MR right. Some personal advice, donít delay in telling a potential mr right your status, donít rush it but donít leave it too long. On the other hand donít blab it right out on the first date, wait until you are pretty comfortable with the person. Iím consider myself pretty lucky to have my partner, she has a virus, so what, we all have problems of one sort or another.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Reply new
      #134082 - 02/06/05 05:54 PM

Thank you for your post. Your comments bring up another concern. You suggest not to wait too long to initiate a conversation about my status. I have always either stuck to positive only dating sites - or - if using other sites displayed my status in my profile up front. Is that a bad idea? Should I refrain from indicating my status until a healthy conversation starts? I am nervous about the reactions I will get by getting too close and watching them run off. Thank you all again for your help.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Reply new
      #134085 - 02/06/05 08:59 PM

Stop worrying so much. Don't put in your ads you are positive....it's not the way the "game" is played. Few people put their negative points in their add...think of it...no one says they have diabetes or heart disease! Or that they regularly cheat on their partners....Put all your good points and meet someone....then date but don't have sex. When you feel comfortable, you can reveal. And some people may reject you. But the good ones will stick around. Remember: NO ONE IS PERFECT! And some women always worry when someone touches them that they are not perfect enough...that their thighs are too thick or their stomach too plump...You're just doing the same thing. If someone is with you, it's cause they like you. Don't put your mind on what they are worrying about! Focus on the positive! If you want to have children, I'm sure you will! Live your live, be positive and joyous and you'll attract the right people!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #134127 - 02/07/05 02:10 PM

I understand what your'e talking about. I have to same problem here in Texas. I even tried to date non positive men but as soon as they find out my status. They run. I don't what to tell you but try to stay busy,maybe volunteer with Hiv programs. I know we are not the only ones out there looking. Where are the hetero positive men?

Don't give up
Paula

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Reply new
      #134237 - 02/09/05 07:41 PM

Thank you all so much for your support. The time you are taking out to support me and others in their troubled times will surely come back to you ten fold. My prayers are with each and every one of you. . .

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #134252 - 02/10/05 12:39 AM

Hi,
Iam looking for the same thing, am a male aged 34. I live in MA and am willing to date you and become whatever can allow to happen in a relationship. Unfortunately am not handsome but i have a look of a human being with a good heart to share with you. Distance will not matter to me.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #134344 - 02/11/05 02:56 AM

You are definately not alone! Unfortunately, the HIV+ men I know/knew went like this....my fiance whom I contracted HIV from, and gay HIV+men. And I live in a pretty good size city, over 150, 000 in city limits. So I think it's a statistical disadvantage right off the bat...I did meet a great male hetero friend through HIV personals (am in romantic relationship with a neg man so wanted friendship only, but he would go further if I was available), he is in another state. I don't know if you could relocate to a larger city where logically there would be more poz hetero men, or if you met one and could move? I wanted to meet a pos male when I dated again, but
most of the negative men I met didn't care, 2 I ended up in serious relationships with. Do they have to be positive? Good luck....

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
RIVERLADY
All Star

Reged: 02/03/05
Posts: 88
Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #134395 - 02/12/05 08:25 AM

There are couples where only one is infected. If you use protection and wisdom there's no reason why they have to be of the same health status.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Reply to everyone new
      #134434 - 02/13/05 06:39 PM

Thank you all again for writing. someone asked for my email. it is: Queen_jill1@yahoo.com Thank you!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
lilmisskathy
Member

Reged: 10/09/10
Posts: 18
Re: Im a + girl and looking for a + guy new
      #252414 - 10/09/10 10:46 AM

hey just read the post.. supper cute..but like im 12 and dating is really hard 4 me.. how will i knw that i can really trust a man enough to tell him i have HIV. its really crazy i have a boyfriend rite now but im 2 sceard to even kiss him.. i think ima give it to him or something.. its really hard.. i like him alot bt i dont really wanna tell him i got it i think its gonna change the way he looks,act,talks to me.... Im the only one im my family with HIV I've been adopted not the cutest person in the family but i cant really open up to my family. they say they know how hard it is bt. how can they knw when they aint got it they dont go through wat i do they dont understand what i got through.. but kinda got me wondering are there any positive guys out there i could just talk to ????

Edited by lilmisskathy (10/09/10 11:19 AM)

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
riccardo
Newbie

Reged: 02/16/11
Posts: 1
Re: HIV a dating NIGHTMARE new
      #254414 - 02/16/11 11:47 PM

it is not impossible, you just havent met the right person for you. I am 34 yo, negative a health buff and deeply inlove with my partner who is positive for 3 yrs now.. it is possible. just be honest of your predicament if you really like the person.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1


What's New at TheBody.com

Additional Information
0 registered and 1 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  TheBody, bogart, crabman, riverprincess 

Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is enabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Thread views: 4674

 
Jump to

Contact Us | Privacy Statement The Body

*
UBB.threadsô 6.2.3