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Anonymous
Unregistered

my girlfriend wont get tested
      #133000 - 01/17/05 08:24 AM

I seroconverted in April 2004 and recieved my results in July 2004 -I am 99.9% sure I got hiv from my girlfriend who is an IV drug user. I have never had unprotected sex except for 2 people - my last girlfriend and my current one. She will not go for the test and it is worrying me as I have a particular aggressive strain with my cd4 already below 260 and my viral load up at 90 000 and only having this 6 months or so. I asked her once to go for the test but she just replied, "You would love if I was positive!" That hurt me alot. We practice safe sex now, etc but I feel the pressure not knowing if she is going to get ill infront of me or just if she does or doesnt have it - she makes light of the situation and I know she wont go for the test ever as she is that type of person -if its bad news or a chance of it - she'd rather ignore the whole thing. She doesnt realise that I am thinking of leaving her to live and concentrate on my own as this pretending everything is fine routine will not work forever. Anybody in a similar situation?

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133002 - 01/17/05 08:39 AM

Are you sure you have a bad strain? and not had it before the relationship. That is a really fast decline. I would be considering meds and taking care of self. I don't know what you can do about girlfriends refusal to test, But I would consider the fact she may be negative. Maybe train her on the fact that meds are so good nowadays so it is better to know. I have heard of people on meds living 30 years so far without converting to aids and their still doing great. So help her understand its better to know.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133003 - 01/17/05 09:04 AM

I do treat her as if she is negative - I am 100% careful and even carry elatoplasts incase I cut myself. She was a chronic heroin addict and would have upto 10 people a day in the house using it to shoot up -these days are long gone now but there were dirty used needles in the furniture, blood on the floor etc, needles in the bedroom everywhere and most of them all had the virus and had it for years and some didnt care about sharing needles etc and I had seen needles being mixed up etc. Anyway the doctor thinks I got it recently as my Viral load when i first got tested was at 170 000 and my cd4 at around 500 the next 2 weeks after that my vl load was 55 000 and my cd4 around 400 or so. thats how they think I was recently infected plus my glands were still swollen and my really sore throat in april with the swollen glands indicate it was then I got it. IF I didnt get it from her then I would genuinely be scared and not have a clue where I got it from at all as Ive never done drugs using a needle and do not do unprotected sex except for the 2 mentioned previously. my first girlfriend I was neg then
The point is if she is negative surely her head must be wrecked not knowing if she is or isnt?

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133008 - 01/17/05 10:56 AM

DO you share any intimacy with this woman (I mean the emotional kind)? It really sounds as if she's a stranger. Maybe write her a letter telling her how much you care and that you really will leave her if she remains in denial...that you care too much about live and living to watch her be irresponsible. Does she care about you at all?

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133013 - 01/17/05 11:52 AM

She does care for me - I know this as she cant really say things that worry her- she has to leave letters for me when I wake up and they do say she is scared about the situation, worried about loosing me etc but I tell her everything explain everything but she wont even read up or listen to all the facts about the virus she doesnt know too much except the basics and its silly as then she has needless hassle and worry. I have written her letter but Ive not been able to give it to her just yet- going to do it tonight and maybe she will see sense - dont think I want her to have it or anything like that - I swear on my life I dont - I just want her to seek help if she needs it or give her mind a rest if she is negative

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trying to quit
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133032 - 01/18/05 12:07 AM

just leave her alone, every one has their on way to live and has the come to terms when there ready, and never before.
when i found out i was positive i told my girlfriend and demanded she get tested. worst thing I ever did!!!!.
she couldnt hold a job, started drinking and became very emotional unstable (like myself). my point is, if your going to leave then leave you told her your status, if your gonna stay, stay she doesnt seem to mind about your your status nuff said.

p.s. i decided to stay with my girl friend me & her tested poz 2-01 and have been driving each other crazy since.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133035 - 01/18/05 05:49 AM

leave her alone? I have only brought the subject up once in the 7 months that I have found out my status - hardly giving her a hard time - I was asking if anybody else was in the same situation as myself

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133063 - 01/18/05 07:18 PM

She is right not to test. Stop acting like a bully boy.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133070 - 01/19/05 05:15 AM

bully boy? I have only brought it up once in 7 months you spastic.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133085 - 01/19/05 09:08 PM

You are only in control of yourself and what you do with that is only up to you. Although you are concerned about her that is natural.
If it is important to you, You do what you can to keep yourself healthy and learn to deal with it on your own.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133091 - 01/19/05 11:22 PM

Sorry about the difficult situation you are in. Obviously you will need to make the decisions that are right for you. Here is my thought regarding leaving your girlfriend.

If you are in love then I think you should give her an ultimatum, that if she doesn't care enough about herself and your relationship to get tested you will leave. In that way, you give her the chance to make the changes that need to made in her life which will give your relationship a chance to succeed. Otherwise, (in my opinion) the relationship is a sham. Better to know now, not later.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133095 - 01/20/05 02:11 AM

I understand your situation: I discovered being pos when I was pregnant & did all the right things but did not tell anyone. My boyfriend has difficulty dealing with painfull / unknown situations so I did not tell just yet. I have had a negative baby, slowly I am preparing to tell him by teaching him about the disease, making reading material at his exposure so that when I do tell him,it will be something that myself & others have experience and that YOU CAN HAVE NORMAL LIFE which most people dont beleive is possible & therefore do not want to test. I think I am ready to tell him, support him through the tests & I have learnt as much as possible about the disease. Sit your girlfriend down because I know it is stressing you, dont assume she knows certain things, tell her in black & white including what you what you want & intentions.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133096 - 01/20/05 02:32 AM

i tested positive six months ago when husband had contracted TB - only told him my status in December - he is in denial - my advice - you cannot force her to get tested. you have to stay strong and healthy - you cannot sacrifice yourself for someone who does not have the guts to move forward. if u can move on with them - and watch them get ill - stay... but if u cannot deal with it - walk away - stay strong and well.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: my girlfriend wont get tested new
      #133331 - 01/21/05 02:31 AM

i got it from the man i was with for 4 years. he knew he had
it and put my life in jeoperdy. we were tested together, but he used a different name and address, I believed him at first, but he would never show me the paper saying he was neg. as well as the fact that no matter how much protection I would insist on him using he would refuse to use it. Why would someone risk getting something they excaped? That is simply,
because they already had it. He thought I would be so grateful to him for staying with me, I need no favors like that, he thought as long as I had no proof he was ok, he was wrong.
the proof was in his actions, and his selfrightous attitude, and how he would go get retest every three months. I
I had to be honest with myself about what I knew, piece of paper or not. I might have forgiven him if he hadnt tried to use my being positive to his benefit. You know in your heart who u are dealing with. There is something I will try my best to prepare you for, if she never gets tested, if you stay with her or not, you are going to go thru a period of unbelievable
confusion, anger and disbelief. If u have never experience
being in denial is, you will now. In your heart you will know the truth, but without concrete proof, trying to comprehend this level of deception is going to drive you crazy. Just keep this in mind, If you r with someone who was or is on drugs, i would think your life before her was not so innocent, if it were you would have practiced safe sex with her from the start and had both of you tested in the beginning.
That is what you have to remember, because one day u r going to have to accept that u have it, and you may have had it before you met her, one of the things we all go thru with this is trying to figure out who gave it to us. I took my time to
be tested because I knew what kind of life I lived. and when
no matter how hard I tried to let the fact that I knew he did this to me sink in, it wouldnt, I cant put what you will go thru into words, but when it happens to u, and it will, there will come a point when u will have to either find a way to let it
go, because if you dont, you will go crazy. i have a job
that put me in contact with people who were positive, long before I knew about myself, and I met people who got from
people just the way we did, and it was too much for them
to handle, even when the person confessed and said the
im sorry to them, didnt stop some of them from losing their
minds, or from going thru what u r about to go thru. if u r the kind of person who believes in trusting 100% ,finding out the one u trust (i.e:) went out with someone else, or didnt really love u, if that is too much to bare, how do u handle knowing that person would rather risk your life, just to keep what they have.
even though you are not a naive person, and you try to be understanding and nonjudgemental, and even though u get satisfaction knowing she is not as slick as she thinks she is,
there r many levels of low lives, players, users, etc., if u r right about her giving this to u, and she knew, she is not just selfish or mean, she is evil, she has no concience, if i am right
there is nothing u can say or do to her, nothing,
i didnt mean to go so long, i cant stop what you r going to go thru, i just hope as each phase comes, my words will get u thru it faster than i did.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

to anonymous 1/20/05 2:11 new
      #133332 - 01/21/05 02:46 AM

people like u amaze me, what makes u think your boyfriend
will forgive u for hiding such a secret. is it his baby, u dont understand what this man is going thru, because u know,
tell me just how do prepare someone when they hear the words YOU ARE POSITIVE how do u say, I am sorry that I could be killing you, but It was only because i what, JUST LOVE U TO DEATH.

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