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To all just tested positive - please read
#132885 - 01/13/05 06:53 AM
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I was worried I had been exposed to hiv via myh current girlfriend as she was an IV drug user and rumoured to have been on the game to fund her habit. I tested positive in July 2004 and due to thinking my life was over started smoking crack. Prior to this I had only ever had unprotected sex once before with my previous girlfriend and always used condoms with girls I had sex with. I worked as an accountant with one of the top accountancy companies in the world, I trained hard in the gym, never touched drugs and really enjoyed life. Due to smoking crack the HIV inside of me has accelerated so fast I have been told I have roughly 6 months before I will be very sick bare in mind I was only infected around 7-8 months ago! I am too scared to take treatment - sustuva, viread and 3tc as I am worried I will lose my job due to the side effects and I am also worried of the physical side effects and simply I have never been somone who took medication not even aspirins. My girlfriend will not go for a test and does not want to know how im feeling or what the doctors have to say - I have nobody to turn to and initially I felt I was strong enough to deal with everything but now I feel everything is falling apart I can see myself with no job, ill and on my own. I hate reading on this site all the people that write in with silly tales of how they think they might be infected or how the % of getting it etc. I go to this place in dublin where I live for my dinners etc and all I see are hiv infected homos and Iv users - there seems nobody lke me that I can identify with - I was 100% hetro and now my girlfriend wont even touch me, I feel damaged and dirty. I have 2 options either carry on taking the crack and die soon or start my meds and live life in an uncomfortable fashion living of the state - I have pretty much decided to carry on taking the crack and hopefully go quick and fast - im too tired and lonely to bother anymore. I am full of regret though that the crack I started taking only because I thought my life was over after the diagnosis is to blame for my rapid deterioration. I had it all this time last year and have nothing now. this really is a bastard of a disease
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Hi I have a real hard time on this board I just wrote a long message hit continue and it said error and erased it. I do want to suggest another board though that is alot more active. www.aidsmeds.com I really do hope you'll hang in there though. And star your meds.
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Jessie
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Guardian
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Reged: 06/15/04
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Posts: 395
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I am sorry that you are so sad and yes, this is"a bastard of a disease" but I do have a news flash for you my friend...CRACK is not your answer......Do some research and you will see that this is NOT a DEATH SENTENCE!!!!!! It used to be years and years ago before doctors knew all that they know now...There is plenty of things you can do to keep your body healthy and live a long, loving and productive life...
As far as the meds go, I share your same concern BUT if you can smoke CRACK and not care about how that makes you feel then you certainly can take your HIV meds if you wanted to with no problems...Maybe feeling a bit tired, so you take vacation while you adjust to the meds...then you go back to work!!!!!!
My advise my friend...GET OFF THE CRACK, RESEARCH about the illness and you will see that you will not die from HIV if you care for yourself, your body and do as your doctor suggests...another suggestion if I may...Get into counseling...I understand you feeling dirty and unwanted..BUT you are NOT....so get a counselor..ask your doc to recommend one and go for some counseling...
I am sorry that you are going through so much pain and if I sound harsh with you I dont mean to either...Just hate to see a promising life go to waste...You have a wonderful life if you just give it a chance...life has changed for you? Yes, altered is what we all like to say...BUT you will survive if you want to...I am around if you want to talk and many others here on the board will help and talk with you as well...You will find that your feelings are not unusual...we all have the very same feelings as you , ust choose to deal with them in different ways...Maybe you need to hear this in order to start helping yourself...BUT we are here...E-mail me anytime...I may take a few to answer cause I too work long hours but I aleways get back to the people who want to chat...Good luck and please educate yourself before making harsh desicions...My thoughts and prayers are with you~Jessie~
HIV+ since 2-3-04
"While there is breath, there is life".
"HIV is what I have, not who I am".
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consty
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Reged: 10/05/04
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Posts: 17
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i dont smoke noirmally but there are some times when i am soooo lonely and bored i feel like smoking a cigarette just for the fun of it. at such times i dont want any one with me and dont feel like talking
mi was wondering if i smoke some cigarettes without much tobacco can that be dangerous for my health?
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