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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Anonymous
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mixed status relationship
      #102079 - 07/21/04 03:41 PM

I've been in my relationship with my partner now for 6 years. He knew from day one that I was positive and he didn't seem to be scared away by it. We began our relationship by having safe sex. I want go into details, but anal sex was cut out completely. I didnt' mind at this point because it had just become a pain in the butt. As the years have drug past our intimacy levels have dropped. We haven't had sex in 6 months, maybe longer. He made excuses which I believed and let pass by without any thought, but two weeks ago for some reason we were lying in bed and he just started talking. He admitted that he was afraid to be intimate with me. He wants to work on that, but now I feel so dirty knowing that he has been afraid of me. I love him and we have always been monogamous, how can I get through this. How can I get past this.

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Anonymous
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Re: mixed status relationship new
      #102374 - 07/22/04 12:22 PM

Give him some time. If he continues to feel uncomfortable with your status, it may be time to move your status from a relationship to a friendship. You need to be with someone that isn't afraid to touch you. It's very important that we as positive people feel "human". Good luck.

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Jeffrey
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Re: mixed status relationship new
      #102378 - 07/22/04 01:20 PM

I'm in a mixed relationship, and I'm the neg. part. I don't know of anyone in my position that has not had issues with resuming a physical relationship when HIV is involved. Anyone who doesn't, probably has no self esteem or is Superhuman. It has taken years for me to get anywhere near being over it. It still affects me/us today. I never stoped loving my partner and that along with some heart to heart talks is what got us through it as a couple. I can tell you, IT IS NOT AS SIMPLE AS JUST DECIDING TO STOP ALLOWING IT TO AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP. If that were the case, I would have decided that a week after my partner and I found out he was HIV. I do not agree that a relationship should become a friendship per a required timeline for coming to terms with this. If you love your partner, you will understand that if he could change he would, and it is no reflection on you or him that it hasn't happen yet. Love and understanding and ultimately getting past this as a couple can not be put on a schedule. However, your partner should be able to come to terms with less risky practices that will allow a level of intimaticy and allow you both to stay together. PS. we've been together for 22 years, he's been HIV since the begining but we found out in 1995. It took me years to get to a point that I can engage in how we were before 1995, and I'm still having trouble but I continue to try. Jeffrey..

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Anonymous
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Re: mixed status relationship new
      #103834 - 07/28/04 11:18 AM

You shouldn't feel dirty at all! This happens in lots of relationships. Perhaps couples counseling will help. In big US cities they have therapists who specialize in mixed status couples. Remember touching is about affection!

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