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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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General thoughts...
      #911 - 03/30/00 09:55 PM

Hi. I am sorry for using a public forum to really just write what
is in my head. If anyone were to read this I would tell them that
life is too precious to be worth having unprotected sex. I also
agree with other people who have written that it is not worth
playing the odds since you can get HIV with safer sex, also. I
don't understand how humans who have managed to invent so many
incredible things, develop intricate systems of government, make
it to the moon, can be stupid enough to risk their lives in a few
short hours. I agree with one of the commentators to this page
that having a self-loathing or low self-esteem can cause you to
lower your own protective system. I don't know that I have HIV,
but I had casual unprotected sex with someone from the riskiest
category on all counts, including geography. If he was willing to
have unprotected sex with me after meeting in a bar, then I can
only imagine how many others he has also done so with. I fully
realize that if I test positive I have only myself to blame, and
perhaps alcohol, as well. I can't get tested right now since I am
out of the country but will do so as soon as I return, however, I
now understand that I must wait 6 months to be sure. If I have a
point, it is that people must learn to protect themselves. Life
is too precious to throw away so easily. I am not talking about
the people who get it from intimate relationships, but to those
who are just too plain dumb or blinded to protect themselves. The
next step is to protect those around you. I don't think until now
I realized how serious the AIDS epidemic really was and I want to
be a part of the movement to educate, to make people aware. If I
am negative, I will count my lucky stars and wait another five
months to take it again to be sure. If I test positive, I will
kick myself in the ass and tell myself that 24 is too young to
die. In either case, I will try to lead my life with as much
meaning and fulfillment as possible. As others have realized from
AIDS or an AIDS/HIV scare, life is very fragile and it is too
easy to [censored] it up. Anyhow, I encourage people to think twice
before sex, to have the safest sex possible, to protect one's
self, to love and support one another and to realize that life is
a gift that shouldn't be ripped open, used up and thrown away too
easily. May peace be with you. If anyone had any comments to
offer, they may tell me whether or not I should feel fairly safe
since I don't have any symptoms, but I guess I have read the
literature now and I won't necessarily have any symptoms, and
even then perhaps only 4-6 weeks after infection. Take care of
yourselves and live life to its fullest -- you are all worth it.
signed, happy and sad

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