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very high risk, boyfriend hiv+, am in a panic
#90974 - 03/02/04 03:31 PM
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i live in italy. i met him last april and fell in love with him immediatelly. i knew there was something going on. in june i found out thru a common friend he had had hepatitis b. I asked him several times if he might be hiv+ he answerd no. in june i had a hep test and an hiv test and they were negative. we went out toghether steady for all these months. i noticed he did not want to have sex with me a lot after a while. i kind of got offended, and insisted...he tried to use a condom and i said: well, haven't we both had an hiv test? He didn't answer. A few times after that i asked again if he had might be hiv+. He answered no. he is often too sleepy for his age, (35, i am 32) and now i know why. On january 15th i looked in a bag he had left in my house and found his meds. I looked them up on the internet, and almost had a heart attac. We did not have sex often, but we did and variuos times unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. he never came inside me but once his sperm hit my eye. he is on antiviral drugs, and says his viral load is undetectable.
on january 16th i went to the hiv doctor, had a test that came back negative. i am now waiting until next monday to have my (early) follow up. i try to be optimistic but feel like i am going insane. i did not have a fever or swollen lymphnodes, but i did have a one spot large rash, and diarreah in december. i also often have a wierd soar throat. i now feel exhausted and feel itchy everywhere, but i guess it's anxiet. i realize speculating on symptoms is usless, but i obviously can't get the fear out of my mind. i am having serious problems in coming to terms with the fact he did not tell me, or insit on protecting me, i do understand he tried, and he thinks he didn't put me at risk because of the nil viral load and the no ejacultaion, but i feel like he threatened to kill me and can't trust him on anything anymore. i don't want to leave him now, i don't feel like abandoning him, also i need him next to me now, but when i see him we do nothnig but fight. i feel like i am falling to pieces. since jan 15th we have had protected sex, but only a couple of times, i am too scared to think of sex.
does anybody have a reassuring word for me? What are the chances the test may still be negative next week, or in the next months? I am particularly worried for the new years period, in wich we were off work, and partying and getting drunk and having more sex. Shit. I have never had random sex, i just can't come to terms with this mess..please help.
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Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you. You must be in such a panic right now, I think the most important thing is to simply try to relax as best as you can. The undetectable viral load is a good thing and reduces your chances of infection. And your 1/16th negative result is a good sign as well. Even though he didn't ejaculate, there is still a risk but it is much much lower than if he did.
At this point you need to stop beating yourself up so much and making yourself panic. I know you are stressed beyond comprehension, but all you can do right now is wait. Try to occupy your time doing other things, try to take your mind off it as much as possible. You will get through this. You are not alone in this, I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. Take care.
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Life is meant for living, not fearing.
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I hope all goes well for you, I am a little concerned myself right now for both myself and girlfriend. Good luck.
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Hi,
I think the same of the last post. You have a lot of chances to be negative, due to your last test and the facts you have said. All that you need to do ( I know it is pretty difficult ) , it;s to calm down. The anxiety won't solve anything, won't change the future results. What anxiety do, it's to "convince" yourself that you are possitive, because the body start experimenting "simptoms" of HIV, but the most of the times this is in our minds. So you need to try to relax. What I don't understand, and what I see wrong, is why if you ask your boyfriend so directly if the may have had HIV he dind't answer with the truth, and what is worse, he didn't use condoms, and he perform ( eventhough he didn't eyaculate ) unprotected sex. I guess that is wrong, even if it was one, and even his viral load was undetectable. But remember something always: we have to take care of ourselves, and we are responsibles of our health. So, even you are ungry with him, use this experice next time to protect yourself everytime, and don't let in other's hands your health ( that happens to me last year)
Finally, based on what you said, you have good chances to be ok!. Good luck.!
Negative woman who was scared...
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Transmission is possible, however, no ejaculate inside is very encouraging.
Your anxiety is understanbly high. Speak to counselers in your area if possible.
Your boyfriend has no excuse for the risk he has put in and this should be a wake up call as to your future with him.
I think you will test negative down the road and eventually put this behind you. Your relationship with your boyfriend will probably take longer. I vote - dump him.
Good Luck
P.S. Post on AIDSMEDS.com You will get lots of help there.
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thanks switch. yours, toghether with all the other answers, made me really think about my compulsuve behaviour in the last days. fear takes you over and eates you up.i am now trying to understand that whatever the results, there is a lot to learn from the situation, and that there is always a reason to go on. i have had a lot of dreams in my life and i will not stop pearusing them. i have been always concerned with relationship issues so much in my life. i now ask myself, if i had a possible 10 years to live surely ahead of me, which would be my priorities? I find that i have always had one main dream in my life which is artistic and professional..i wonder if this makes any sense to anyone...
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