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Sex Toys
#78780 - 11/27/03 03:57 AM
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I am a married male who is bisexual. I occasionally need to be with another male. I always play safe. I engage in mutual masterbation. I don't engage in oral sex or anal sex. I was curious about being the receptive partner in anal sex and purchased a dildo which I have only used on myself. Last weekend I had an encounter with a gay man. We started with some mutual penis stimulation with our hands. I noticed he had a little pre-cum which got on my hand and dried very quickly. I decided to get out my dildo and asked him to use it on me. I used alot of lubricant on it. He attempted to insert it in me but was having no luck so I inserted myself. It was very slippery so I had to use two hands to insert it into my rectum. Now I am worried that because I had his dried pre-cum on my hand when I inserted it that I may have been infected with HIV. He said he has been tested and is negative. He seemed to be aware of safe sex practices but describes himself as a bottom. I have searched for information about transmission of HIV thru the use of sex toys and all the articles discuss sharing sex toys. I have not shared this dildo with anyone. Most of the articles state that if you do not share the toy, it's use is considered safe. One article advocated allowing your partner insert the toy for you. Even when using a condom the penis most be erect before it is put on. Therefore, in most cases stimulation and pre-cum most be involved. Is anyone aware of anything out there that may address my concern? How do I find this information? Should I abstain from unprotected sex with my wife and start testing? I am so confused and worried. I have asked the experts but as of yet there has been no response. I am sure they get thousands of questions.
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Does your wife know you are doing this? It's one thing to do this kind of activity when you both know about it, agreed to it and accept it but when you fool around with anyone, break your committment to your wife, expose her to life-threatening risks and chance ruining all the hopes and dreams the tow of you shared...well, it's a whole other ball game.
My husband is HIV + because he engaged in secret "safe" activities. He is + because "a couple of times things got out of control". If you are neg. now then count yourself lucky. And re-think what you have to do to be "satisfied".
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shadow1
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Legend
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Reged: 12/06/00
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Posts: 1209
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Mate:
Maybe you should read the sections of how you actually contract HIV. Once the virus hits the air it is dead. Maybe you should check out the methods of contraction and the life span of the HIV virus outside of the body and see what I am conveying to you. There are many resources like this one, WebMd, Aegis, Etc.
I also would take a test and discuss what you want and need sexually with your wife where you can maybe keep your relationship safe at home instead of having to go elsewhere. It is not healthy to have sex extra-martially unless you want to have a lot of guilt and drama after you do bring something home to your partner.
The G-Man
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Thank yu for your response. I will check out those sites. Also thank you for confirming my need to discuss this with my wife. I'm not sure if I will but I have decided to stay at home with the person who is committed to me.
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No my wife doesn't know what I have been doing. Although, she has questioned my sexuality for the 20 years we have been married. She is always ready to use the insult "are you gay?" if we are in a heated argument. Not as a question, but in the form of name calling. As far as honesty goes, she said that she was on birth control when we were having sex 20 years ago, she was not, hence my first born and a shotgun wedding. We have stayed together for the kids ever since. We have two children 13yrs and 19yrs. I struggle with my sexuality 24/7. My wife is not open minded enough to talk about it. Maybe if you had led your husband to feel that he could discuss his sexuality with you before he went out on his own, you may not be in the your situation. I am hoping and praying that you are not infected since you didn't state your status in your reply to me. We are all human beings and gods creatures. My thoughts and prayers are wth you, as I hope yours are with me.
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LoveIsNotAWord
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Grand Master
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Reged: 11/05/03
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Loc: We are in West Texas
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Marriage
#78835 - 11/28/03 11:02 PM
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Dear Mate,
This is not a marriage when (3) are involved. You go into great detail about your need for sexual gratification with a same sex partner but say nothing at all about whether or not this is acceptable (and I doubt it is) with your wife.
Would you approve of her having a lesbian relationship outside of your marriage and being concerned with the same topic; a sexual toy that had some type of body fluid on it inserted into her anus or vagina? Kind of disconcerting to say the least.
It appears your first obligation is to speak with your wife honestly about who you are; she deserved this before "I do" for certainly you don't not if indeed your marriage is one of non monogamy.
You cannot contract HIV by the method you so clearly described but perhaps your salvation is coming to this board to learn how to save your marriage?
Karen :)
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Karen G....
"Live with it!"
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LoveIsNotAWord
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Grand Master
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Reged: 11/05/03
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Mate,
I agree with Anon; I married a + man his HIV came from a dirty needle; a former IV drug abuser I met him "clean" BUT he had HIV.
You certainly are defensive; you did not have to marry your wife due to the birth of a child or have another child. I find this very irritating to read much less think what this poor woman lives through.
The question that seems to evade you is "Are you gay?" If so have the decency and respect to stop hurting others; your wife and children by some honesty and do not expose her to your outside infidelities for on an emotional and "life and death level" this woman does not deserve this treatment.
Toys huh wow!!!
Karen :)
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Karen G....
"Live with it!"
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Thank you answering my question. To answer your question about being "gay". I am not. I have been a bisexual my entire life. A situation I have been dealing with for many years. Least to say that it can be very confusing. I deserve the tongue lashing that I have been receiving. And I am sure that if "came out" as a bisexual there would be many more for me. Once again I wish only you the best and hope that the holidays bring you good cheer and happiness. Greg
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LoveIsNotAWord
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Grand Master
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Reged: 11/05/03
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Posts: 173
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Loc: We are in West Texas
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Dear Mate,
It sounds like perhaps you went into the marriage with the wrong input in mind. As I have asked would you like your wife "bisexual" or in a lesbian encounter is that acceptable to you? Is this part of the marital agreement? If not be honest with her and free yourself. That is the answer for this marriage willl not work otherwise aside from unprotected sex and the terror of a virus that kills.
Karen :)
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Karen G....
"Live with it!"
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