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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Atlanta
Unregistered

To: I destroyed my life guy
      #62771 - 04/04/03 11:46 AM

This is the last time I will post this guysa message- I just want to know what happens when he gets his negative results:
Is the guy who posted the post below last week around. Im very interested to hear his reaction when he gets his negative results. I know he wont except them- He will say the test was wrong or he hasnt seroconverted yet or that he has that mysterious HIV that doesnt have a test for it yet. Whoever you are please realize these arguements are unfounded and stupid to say the least. Concentrate on putting your life back together without fear of HIV because you are NEGATIVE kiddo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please post when you get your results.
PEACE AND LOVE D

ORIGINAL POST




I'm married with children and have a great career. As of 3 weeks ago, I had what, to most people, was the perfect life. However, AA says that you are only as "sick as your secrets". I had a secret which is now coming back to haunt me literally to the death. My secret was that I have over the past few years periodically gone to a massage parlor. There I would receive oral sex with a condom and be licked all over my body including my nipples. I thought that was a virtually no risk activity but I am now quite sure that I was wrong. Starting about 6 weeks ago, I got sick. I started with a killer cold which then became a bad sinus infection which cleared up with 2 courses of antibiotics. However, I think these were possibly incidental to the following. 2.5 weeks ago, I began classic ARS symptoms. Low grade fever (99-99.8), swollen glands under my jaw, minor headaches, increasingly severe night sweats, very noticable tenderness under my left ribs (enlarged spleen), horrible dry mouth, tachycardia and a minor (almost negligable but still new/different) rash of small red/pink bumps around my neckline. I've only had 2 possible exposures in the past 3 months - one 7 weeks ago and one 3 weeks ago. It was 4 days after the last one that my ARS symptoms started. I wish I could even begin to think that my symptoms are psychosomatic...unfortunately the thermometer and my wet pajamas do not lie. My GP is a kindly sort who knows nothing about HIV. He ran all the usual blood work (CBC etc.) and it came back normal, as you would expect with ARS. He pronounced a "viral infection" and that was that. After I was honest with him about my exposures, he did give me an ELISA test 2 days ago and I was negative (3 and 7 weeks post my last exposures). I realize that's probably meaningless except to wipe out the concept of infection from more than 3 months ago (which would not be causing my ARS in any event. I will go to an infectious disease specialist Monday and get a p24 and viral load test. I have absolutely no doubt the results will be positive - the symptoms are just too real and too classic. I think it finally sunk in when my neck glands blew up a couple of days ago. I'm not sure why I'm writing except that I feel so utterly alone. This is truly the deepest abyss I've ever stared at in my life and I dug it all myself. How could I have been so selfish and foolish? I must have been insane. I just thought it was virtually no risk. I'm assuming that the sex workers either licked my abraded skin (nipple?) with bloody saliva (I think they brush their teeth between sessions) or possibly spit in the condom before putting it on. Also, I think the 7 week old exposure involved some baby oil on my penis before the condom was applied. I've already admitted everything to my wife and you can imagine her complete devastation. Frankly, that was so much worse than anything I could possibly concieved. Thinking about my own impending sickness and battle is a relief next to thinking about what I've done to her. I believe strongly that she's HIV- based on our behaviors and that is perhaps going to be my only salvation in all of this. However, thinking about my children makes everything else seem insignificant. How can I even begin to explain this? And what about my Mom - I just can't imagine she's going to survive this development. I realize that I have nobody to blame but myself but I've spent alot of time reading in this site over the past few weeks and I've seen an amazing degree of compassion from the professionals and posters. As of this point, I have to reach out to somebody and this seems the best spot. I guess my only question is how long the p24 and viral load tests will take to come back? Can someone tell me? And, please feel free to comment as I feel so incredibly isolated and full of shame. I've broken my own heart and the hearts of those I love the most and I feel so empty and alone. Any response would help me. Best to you all.





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Anonymous
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Re: To: I destroyed my life guy new
      #62778 - 04/04/03 04:06 PM

Atlanta

Why are those fears unfounded and stupid? There is a growing number of people that are extremely ill from a sexual exposure. If you get severe ARS symptoms after some promiscious exposure then you know that you're infected with something. Yes a lot of people have anxiety sympotms. But there is a freakingly growing number of people who are dying to get a correct diagnosis!!!

Please explain why there can't be other viruses out there. There are, but unfortunately for the infected, the number of people hasn't reached a threshold where it's worthwhile to come up with a test and start frightening the public about it.

Sorry for my tone everyone. But we have to face reality sometimes. Of course it's a good feeling to get a negative result for HIV, this stigmatized and terminal disease. But those good feelings are overcome by the bleak reality of severe immune-suppression symptoms.

Anonymous



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Atlanta
Unregistered

Re: To: I destroyed my life guy new
      #62839 - 04/04/03 09:28 PM

YOUR FLAT WRONG- thers is no growng alarming number- there has always been people that get sick after a sexual experience but you know what they get sick for a ton of other reasons as well.... you need to realize that if the CDC felt there was an unknown disease floatting out there they wouldnt make the same mistake they did with the aids virus. Posting such statements hampers everyone in accepting their own tesat results. If you want company in your quest to diagnose yourself and others please do it elsewhere. I apologize for the directness but THE BODY needs people supporting test results not questioning them.

It irratates me that you wrote this email in response to a person I'm trying to get to accept there results. Not the coolest thing Ive seen today.




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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: To: I destroyed my life guy new
      #62927 - 04/05/03 08:09 AM

The new fad is to say yes, it's not HIV, but it's something else. I don't know why these people stay on this board then since they say they accept their negative results. I guess they are looking for company in their search for some mysterious illness. The energy some people will put out not to have to look at what the real problem is.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: To: I destroyed my life guy new
      #62940 - 04/05/03 06:16 PM

Atlanta

* I hope I'm flat wrong, because other ideas are dreadful!
* This board is not only for making people feel good. It will also serve to ease the identification of new HIV-like illnesses. Yes, there will be new HIV1 strains. And yes there will be new AIDS viruses like HIV2, etc. We all know that the list will grow!
* CDC will not make the same mistake as they did with HIV1 and HIV2? I agree. However, the CDC has a very difficult task of dealing with loads of real worried wells, who don't have anything but keep believing they have HIV. It becomes impossible to weed out the 10% or so who DO have a new viral STD.

Atlanta, please don't attack me too. Just explain to me why there CAN NEVER be other viruses. I will go away after that!

Anonymous



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Anonymous
Unregistered

PLEASE ANSWER ME! new
      #63046 - 04/06/03 02:17 PM

Atlanta

I was hoping you will answer me please!!!!

Anon



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Atlanta
Unregistered

Re: To: I destroyed my life guy new
      #63051 - 04/06/03 04:54 PM

Again I believe you are wrong. To say new HIV subtypes will most definitly surface is incorrect. Many people can hold a viral infection for over a year. MAny of these viral infections can mimic other virus such as HIV. HIV testing is the most advance testing procedure in the world. If you have beem tested for HIV post 3 months please believe your results. Repeat that last sentence if needed.
If another subtype has surfaced and it is not being detected by the HIV 1 0r 2 test is almost zero. HIV subtypes share 90% of the same dynamic- hence making it HIV.

Please believe your tests. You are fine post three months. Join Dr Bob and Dr Ryan in helping people believe their test- fore that is what this site is for.




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