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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Anonymous
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HIV Anxiety...AGAIN
      #54282 - 01/08/03 03:29 PM

I am a 30 year old female who has suffered from the fear of HIV since I was date raped at age 20. Since then, I've had two long-time relationships (both safe) and a few short-term partners, also safe. Every now and then, I'll meet someone/start dating someone and become extremely concerned about HIV, just from kissing. Recently, this past weekend. I was a little tipsy to say the least, and that is probably contributing to the guilt/fear/shame/dread I'm feeling. I have been in therapy for years, but I'm just coming to realize how tremendously this fear is helping to ruin my sex life/potential for a serious relationship. I feel like the rest of my life must be put on hold until I know my status.

Getting drunk and smooching with a stranger is a trigger, but I've gone through periods where EVERYTHING is a trigger: shaking hands, public bathrooms, door knobs, etc. It's easy to see that the latter are OCD, but when I actually have intimate contact, I begin to spin away with the "what if" factor.

I'll be getting tested in the next few months, and hopefully, all will be well. Regardless, I am sickened by how this fear has reshaped my life and limited me. Part of it, I think, is feeling guilty about being human. The alcohol involved also contributes to the guilt, compounds the shame, and multiplies the worry. I keep this to myself and try to live a normal life. Therapy has helped in a lot of areas, but I just can't seem to get over this hurdle.

I'm writing to this forum to see if anyone knows of a therapy group for people with HIV anxiety in the NJ/NYC area. Any leads will be appreciated.

Thanks, health, and happiness to all.



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chichi
Regular

Reged: 06/02/02
Posts: 127
Re: i have the name of a dr 4 u new
      #54288 - 01/08/03 04:44 PM

hi,

you can write to me -
chichi is my name and its listed in red so i can get mail at the body address.

i live in nyc and there is a phyclolgist that only deals with std's. i saw her when i first got herpes. i was a total reck and i got her name thru a herpes group.
i know you have hiv fears and the rape but she deals in it all. she is a nice woman, young and soft spoken. she makes you feel very comfortable and is located in the 40's off of 5th av. i dont want to post her name and address here but please write to me - i think she can help you. i dont know what type of insurance you have but it wasnt an issue for me but i can tell you her fees and any other questions you have. she also has appointments and you wouldnt have to wait 4 months to see her. i havent gone to her in several months but i know that if and when i do go back to dating i will see her. dating with herpes is new to me and still scary and she helped me over the inital shock and what it all really means in the scope of things.
please write to me -
chichi
ps ---- i am 40, single, female and also had my hiv scare but am negative but got herpes instead - i was lucky ..... ya know?
write to me for her name - you have nothing to lose.
chichi



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV Anxiety...AGAIN new
      #54311 - 01/08/03 06:13 PM

I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA AREA AND I READ THROUGH THE FILES, I SUFFER FROM OCD, AND HAD A SCARE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I AM A 29 YEAR OLD FEMALE, WHO IS MARRIED AND DOESNT DO DRUGS, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, I TO HAVE TO KEEP TELLING MYSELF WHAT THE RISKS ARE, EVEN THOUGH I AM IN A NO RISK ZONE IN MY LIFE. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE ON THIS
THE WAY I HAVE DELT WITH IT IS JUST LIKE YOU I HAVE SEEKED HELP AND STARTED TAKING PROZAC, I STILL HAVE MY FEARS.....BUT YOU KNOW YOU ARE OK,I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND WHO WAS DIAGNOSED WITH HERPES, BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER....IT ALMOST LIKE A TEST OR SOMETHING, LIKE A HIDDEN MESSAGE TO SAY HEY YOUR FEARS ARE REAL AND TAKE PRECAUTION, BUT TRY NOT TO RULE YOUR LIFE. WHEN YOU GET HERPES THERE IS NO CURE, SO YOU LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT AND IT IS A STEP BY STEP DAILY THING FOR ME BECAUSE OF MY FEARS, BUT EACH DAY GETS BETTER AND HAPPIER. WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IS THAT THE RISKS OF HIV/AIDS TRANSMITION ARE DIRTY NEEDLES, AND ORAL/ANAL/REGULAR SEX. I HAVE LEARNED FROM KISSING YOU WOULD HAVE TO SWALLOW A GALLON OF SALIVA TO GET IT FROM KISSING, SO YOUR FINE, ASLONG AS YOU ARE HAVING PROTECTED SEX AND NOT USING DRUGS YOU ARE IN THE CLEAR, I KNOW IT IS HARD BUT MY THERIPIST SAYS THAT EVERYONE HAS A OBSESSION, SO TURN YOUR NEGATIVE OBSSESSION AND MAKE IT INTO A POSITIVE, FIND SOMETHING YOU ENJOY AND FOCUS IN ON THAT. THAT HAS WORKED FOR ME, I HAVE FOCUSED ON FAMILY ACTIVITIES AND TRIPS. MY OCD WAS SO BAD BEFORE TREATMENT THAT MY COUSIN WHO I KNOW IN MY HEART IS HIV NEG. IS MARRIED AND HAD A CHILD, I WAS AFFRAID TO TOUCH THE CHILD BECAUSE OF THROWING UP, ECT. BUT KNOW AFTER TREATMENT AND KNOWING WHAT I FELT IN MY HEART WAS TRUE, I PLAY WITH THAT BABY EVERY CHANCE I GET, AND HE SLOBBER ALL OVER ME, AND I DONT CARE!!! AND IT FEELS GOOD. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING AND SEEKING HELP, AND SOUNDS TO ME THAT CHICH HAS IT GOING ON. TAKE CARE, AND MY HEART IS WITH YOU, SINCERLY, A NEW LEASE ON LIFE!!!!!!!!



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chichi
Regular

Reged: 06/02/02
Posts: 127
Re: check your email new
      #54320 - 01/08/03 11:11 PM

this is chichi -
i sent you email - check it out
write me anytime




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