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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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JOHN_IN_LONDON
Regular

Reged: 07/27/02
Posts: 44
This hiv testing nightmare
      #41740 - 10/13/02 08:58 AM

hello everyone one,all my love and respect to all fellow sufferers whom are going through the window period.i have some things to say.
1.please remember i only post while logged on!,their is a wierdo whom is posting in my name,but remember i only post while logged on!!!!!so dont get shouting at me for crappy postings ok!!!!!!.
well,actually ive met a lot of people whom are testing after the window period,strangely we all have similar symptoms!,none of the people i spoke too sounded thick or stupid,infact they all sounded really smart.that is the connection.maybe if we were thick, we would not be freaking out.we just wouldnt question the doctors.
my own personal horror story started 14months ago,
ive changed deeply inside,i value my life now,i value love,and caring,i value good people,and i know love is stronger than anything.but i do feel scared about having sex again,i dont think i will ever have sex again!,i feel damaged in my head.can you imagine if it happens again??,
broken condom,yaaaaah!but seriously ive come to terms with a sexless life,its a shame..i adore women.the best is just one hiv tested partner for life.to be truthful i still feel
afraid that i got hiv,but commonsense suggests i have to stop sometime.HIV is not the biggest killer!FEAR of hiv is,
i know how people on deathrow feel,after so many HIV tests,
knowing that anyone could be positive,its no life.
i really felt like the man on the moon,so alone.
actually i only ever felt better surrounded by positive people,and i used to "pop in"for coffee to the hiv clinic,
whenever i had an appointment with my doc.i would only feel good around pos people and would make conversation hoping to
make friends!......how sad!was i!!!i was even scanning the positive sites looking for a positive female,IN ADVANCE!!!,
AND if i was traveling anywhere,while other people would have newspapers,i would be reading"positive nation magazine".HIV took over my life!,completely!!!24/7.
INFACT FEAR OF HIV NEARLY KILLED ME!,in october 2001, i had a mental breakdown,i took loads of painkillers and ended up in hospital being stomach pumped!(after i changed my mind).
i was sectioned under the mental health act,and imprisoned,
for one month,locks on the doors,windows,etc.i was not allowed out even to the garden,and if i cried i was threatened with isolation,(being locked up in a small cell alone)if i got angry which i did once!i ended up with ten people basicly beating the crap out of me!and ended up with a face like a squashed tomato!,i also ended up in hospital with a fractured jaw,black eye,swollen painful wrists,and a lump the size of a golfball on my head.when my solicitor saw me,he was shocked,i was still thinking about hiv!!!!!
i did not really care,actually i wanted to die,
we are still gong through the legal process.
when i finaly told my family,they actually offered me,
paper cups and plates!!i was stunned!.i guess in all this,what im trying to say is......ITS THE FEAR THAT CAN DESTROY YOU.........GODBLESS.......JOHN.




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joe_swiss
Regular

Reged: 10/13/02
Posts: 37
Re: This hiv testing nightmare new
      #41744 - 10/13/02 11:47 AM

hi john!

wow! what a story. in fact, we have some similarities (e.g. feeling like on death row, looking on the web for positive females IN ADVANCE -- just like you.)

however one thing i did not get was the episode with your parents (paper cups and plates)? why paper cups and plates ? because they think you are suicidal or infectous? please explain, just courious...

PS: i am neg. at 22weeks, this means 2-4 weeks to go for the final test. find it still hard to get used to the (very exiting) idea of being negative.

joe, switzerland



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fallenangel4723
Newbie

Reged: 10/14/02
Posts: 1
Re: Window Period??? new
      #41761 - 10/14/02 04:38 AM

What is the window period?

Fallenangel



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Jackie_Blue
Legend

Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: Window Period??? new
      #41766 - 10/14/02 08:19 AM

12 weeks.



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