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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Anonymous
Unregistered

I'm officially crazy
      #37665 - 07/30/02 10:59 PM

Hi.
I've posted here a few times already, and I'm really sorry for taking up your time, but I need to get this off my chest. I've been on Paxil for a couple weeks now for my, what the doctor calls, OCD (obsession with HIV). I seriously think I have HIV...A few weeks ago, I fooled around with a guy, received oral sex, mutual masterbation, with the chance that there was precum on his fingers when he was fingering me, and some kissing. How risky was this? I'm more worried about the whole precum thing. It's been a really rough day as I have been constantly worried about this. I just don't know how to make the thoughts about having HIV stop. I can't wait for 3 months to test, I'll end up in some psychiatric hospital somewhere. I just don't know what to do anymore, and now I've been asked to run a group on AIDS for the guys I work with, so I'm thinking that they can see something I can't in mirror and right after my possible exposure a friend said there was something different about me, they can see the HIV, I'm sure of it....I don't know what to do anymore....Sorry, now I"m just rambling.
Jen



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm officially crazy new
      #37668 - 07/31/02 12:11 AM

You're friends see that you are stressed out!!! HIV is not visible. You did not have an exposure, you do not even need to test. But if it makes you feel better take a test. It will be negative. Testing before 3 months is not recommended however I was told by the health dept. that a 3 week (3rd generation) elisa is about 97% accurate. 6 weeks and it's 99.7%. Chances are you're anxiety will get the best of you and you will want to test earlier. Rest assured that you are negative!!



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Kevin
Unregistered

Re: I'm officially crazy new
      #37669 - 07/31/02 12:28 AM

Dear Jen,

OK we've all been there.....and it's a bitch! The anxiety and stress is overwhelming and the thoughts just won't stop spilling in....believe me we all know what it like. First of all it's important to try and get some perspective. It sounds pretty much like there was no penetration apart from the fingering. If there was precum on the fingure that was inside you it would have been exposed to the air which would probably have rendered it inactive. What your explaining does'nt really sound to me like a risk. You say you recieved oral and as far as I know this is'nt even a risk. I suppose if that was the case hiv would be ripping throught the population at a huge rate. At any rate the best thing you can do at the moment is try to relax...and believe me I know that's not easy in your situation, your not crazy!! Stick with it and get tested at 12 weeks after the incident and breath a huge sigh of relief.....just hang in there....try and be strong, time will heal the problem.

Kind Regards,

Kevin



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uhohblita
Regular

Reged: 05/02/02
Posts: 273
Re: I'm officially crazy new
      #37673 - 07/31/02 01:23 AM

Jen,
No amount of reviewing your exposure will ease your mind that you are negative at this point. No matter how minimal your exposure was, you will think you are the one in a million. You will have to try and stop thinking about the acts you were engaged in. It wont help. But just to reiterate, all of us on here would agree you had basically no risk, and we are all the biggest worrywarts you ever met. so if we dont think its possible, that should relieve you a great deal. we have all put in amazing hours researching this thing.
is there something about this person you fooled around with that makes you think HE would be infected? have you had any physical symptoms? perhaps you just dont feel right about what you did, and it produces a feeling of impending doom?
your friends can tell you are extremely stress out. your coworkers probably asked you to run the aids group because they see you as someone very responsible who other people respect and listen to.
there is not much you can do now, except try and get on with your life. all this obsessing can only hurt your current life activities. dont mean to give you alot of advice, its just that ive been there. its really hard to stop your mind from going a million miles and hour about HIV. you get so stressed it makes you sweat at night, then you wonder if you have night sweats, and before you know it you are a certified lunatic. concentrate on work, it will help especially with the paxil. it wont happen overnight though, you got a long time to go. ok now i am rambling.

-uhoh



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm officially crazy new
      #37718 - 07/31/02 07:01 PM

Thanks guys for your responses.....Honestly in my heart I know that it isn't possible to be infected with HIV like that, but then I keep thinking I will be the first person CDC has seen with this. I just wish the Paxil would kick in. I've been to two different doctors, both say that I have no risk...I've been through this before, it was a higher risk and after a year I tested negative....I've tested about 10 times for HIV in the past 2 years, my latest test being 7 months ago...I was so proud of myself for not even worrying about HIV, but then I go out with a guy and do this and it starts all over again...only two months left to go...
Jen



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uhohblita
Regular

Reged: 05/02/02
Posts: 273
Re: I'm officially crazy new
      #37724 - 08/01/02 02:08 AM

are you craving getting tested? the feeling of being neg?



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm officially crazy new
      #37745 - 08/01/02 06:26 PM

I don't want to get tested for the fear that it is positive. I mean, I have spent hours online looking up what my situation is, and honestly haven't found anything...but I'm just scared because reading Dr. Kull's answers, precum did possibly touch my mucous membranes...I don't know anymore...everyone says something different about the rate HIV dies in the air, some say seconds, others say hours. How much HIV needs to be in a fluid to infect you? I honestly don't know what to think right now. When this happened I was drinking and I didn't know the guy....but I do know I refused to have sex with him, refused to give him head, even though he did go down on me....the most serious thing we did was the mutual masterbation, why am I so worried about this? why can't I be worried about something else like cancer? I'm so screwed up, I'll never be normal.
Jen



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aimel
Unregistered

Re: I'm officially crazy new
      #37874 - 08/05/02 02:53 PM

jen people can not see hiv on someone. I do not think that you are at risk and if you get tested it will help your mind. The sooner you do get tested the sooner you can get on with your life. I was at one time scared of hiv and it just about drove me nuts and my tests were all neg. It still took me awhile to get over the fear of hiv. If you stay in contact with people here you can get through this. I did! Try not to worry so much cause it will make you feel like you are loosein your mind.



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