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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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notanonymous
Grand Master

Reged: 04/19/02
Posts: 176
Post deleted by notanonymous
      #34301 - 05/14/02 10:25 AM



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Xander
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Reged: 10/01/01
Posts: 75
Re: test day for me. please pray! new
      #34303 - 05/14/02 11:24 AM

Hello notanonymous...

Good luck on your hiv test; I suspect everything will be just fine. I did want to ask about something that bothered me in your post. Do you feel that getting influenza, measles, bubonic plague, etc are punishments from God? Or that lack of having leukemia or diabetes is a sign of God's grace? I do hope you will answer this for me. Thanks!



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notanonymous
Grand Master

Reged: 04/19/02
Posts: 176
Re: test day for me. please pray! new
      #34304 - 05/14/02 12:19 PM

hey Xander. i don't feel like any affliction would be a sign from God really. i just simply feel as if i am being punished for cheating! i've been agonizing for months now over guilt and shame. i knew what i was doing was not right, i just pushed it to the side. if i am infected. i would take it as some kind of a sign i am sure. thanks for your well wishes. i will send you a more in depth view of my religious views by private message if you like. what is it that struck your nerve about what i said? how do you feel about it? take care.



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Xander
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Reged: 10/01/01
Posts: 75
Re: test day for me. please pray! new
      #34310 - 05/14/02 01:59 PM

Hello, thanks for the answer!

You ask how I feel about this. I see hiv infection as I do any other illness. I wouldn't see hiv as a punishment for sex anymore than getting a cold is punishment for breathing in public.

I do fear that if people take an "hiv as punishment" or "hiv as a sign" viewpoint, that it could lead to the stigmatization of individuals who are hiv+...after all, if I have hiv (which I do), then I am being punished and deserve it.




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notanonymous
Grand Master

Reged: 04/19/02
Posts: 176
Re: test day for me. please pray! new
      #34312 - 05/14/02 02:13 PM

Xander, i do not feel that way at all. i do not feel any prejudice towards people with HIV at all whether gay, iv user or hetero. i just feel that I am being punished for what i have done outside of my relationship. i absolutely despise the negative stigma that goes with hiv in some peoples eyes. i can really relate at this point. i cannot talk to anyone about this except for the people of this forum. like i said, i'm not really a religious person AT ALL. but, i'm not going to start a religious debate on this board. i should have thought about what i was saying before i posted it. i am just a ball of emotions right now. if you don't mind me asking. did you have pharyngitis or any ars symptoms at the time of infection? how long have you been infected and how are you doing? thanks and take care!



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Xander
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Reged: 10/01/01
Posts: 75
Re: test day for me. please pray! new
      #34321 - 05/14/02 04:11 PM

Once again, good luck on your testing.

To answer your questions, I have had hiv for about five years now. And I'm doing just fine (except for working too much, but I bet lots of people have that complaint).

I don't remember having anything like sore throat during the acute infection. It just seemed like a massive flu that kept me in bed for a few days until my wife took me to the hospital. Then cleared up completely a few days later. I've really never known anyone with hiv who has had acute symptoms that lingered on for weeks, or that has had the panoply of symptoms many of the worried well on here describe. I would guess that much of that may be caused by guilt or stress.

Anyway, I would bet that if you just try to stay calm and low-key about things until you get your test results back, everything will be all right.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: test day for me. please pray! new
      #34329 - 05/14/02 05:00 PM

Xander, you are a saint for helping everyone on this board as much as you have. I have no doubt whatsoever that god (if a god exists) looks upon you with the same love that all good hearted people share. Best wishes.



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notanonymous
Grand Master

Reged: 04/19/02
Posts: 176
Re: test day for me. please pray! new
      #34330 - 05/14/02 05:15 PM

i couldn't have said it better myself!



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