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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Do not worry
      #30460 - 03/23/02 02:53 PM

This is my first posting here though I’ve been reading the posts here because I thought I was infected. A lot of people here encouraged me indirectly to take the test and not to worry about the supposedly symptoms I was experiencing. Thank you very much to all of you. I got my test result last night and I am hiv-.

When I reached the age of 30 three years ago, I decided to live the life of what I feel I am, a gay guy. I got tired of hiding my true feelings and attraction to men. My life was miserable.

In the past three years, I got wild, in terms of sex. I dated a lot of men and had been in a lot of orgy. Though I always have a condom on when I perform insertive sex, a lot of guys had cum in my mouth, guys I don’t even know (in San Francisco and Los Angeles). My risk was high. And I convinced myself that I was infected.

I had fever, diarrhea, headaches, swollen lymph nodes, rashes, fatigue, petechiae, difficulty breathing, cold sores and sore throat, occurring at several times in the past three years. I felt so worried, guilty and I had panic attacks. To be honest, I was much more worried about my family if they find out everything, about me sleeping with men and then, hiv? I was so worried about how my mom can accept and handle this. I was pretty sure I was infected. I cried a lot wondering why I ruined my life, even I was miserable I made a lot of people happy.

I had several panic attacks. I had awaken in the middle of the night, jumped out of my bed, sweating and could not breathe, like I forgot how to breathe. Then I’d just cry with the thought of dying and leaving my loved ones. I had panic attacks everywhere. In 5 minutes or more, I would feel very uncomfortable, gasping for air, my body felt heavy and a little shaken. I felt like I was living a nightmare. It happened in the office, elevators, airport, car and movie theaters. No, I am not claustrophobic. I remembered I ran outside of the movie theater trying hard to breathe, I did not finish the movie.

My life had changed. I look at everything in the eyes of a dying man. I prayed a lot wondering if God would listen to me. I did not want to be gay.

Then one day, I found this message board when I was searching for help. Here I found the encouragement to take the test, to end this suffering. I was so happy last night when I got the result. I never had any risky encounters in the last few months. I would stay healthy and do it safe from now on. And I still feel very good today. Thank God. And thanks again to all of you out there who shared your stories. Good luck to all of you.

I feel that it is now my turn to give hope and encouragement to all of you out there who are scared to take the test. The mind is a very powerful tool to make us healthy or make us sick. Do not convince yourself that you are sick, like I did. The symptoms do not guarantee that you are infected. Stay calm and get tested. I wish you good health, peace of mind and happiness.

Take care,
RMV



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Jade G.
Unregistered

Re: Do not worry new
      #30461 - 03/23/02 03:22 PM

Great post. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope it will encourage others to get tested.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Do not worry But Im worried about the petachai new
      #30462 - 03/23/02 03:26 PM

Thanks so much for still thinking of those of us still going through this. I read your post and I noticed you had petachaie. I realize that it is possible that many of my symptoms are from stress and severe anxiety, but Im so worried about what Im pretty sure is petachaie. Could you describe the experience you had with petachaie. Mine look like someone took a red ball point pen and put marks all over me. I have about 20 of them on my arms trunk and upper legs. They are spread out except for one area on my stomach where there are about 6 of them in a 4 inch area. Can they too be from stress.
Please help anyone
Thank you so much



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Do not worry But Im worried about the petachai new
      #30467 - 03/23/02 07:36 PM

Hi, when I showed my petechiae to my doctor, he said they are normal(?) and nothing to be worried about. I also have like 20 or more spread over my body like yours, they are small red pin point dots, internal skin bleeding. I have them on the arms, hands, and trunk. In have 5 concentrated in left arm between elbow and armpit.

I am not an expert but I also think stress may have caused them and the headache and rashes I have. Believe me, I stressed myself a lot thinking about hiv and being sick many times during the day for a looong time.

And if this is the only symptom you are experiencing, I don't think it's hiv related. I am not sure how long they will stay because I had mine for about a year now, most are still there.

I hope this helps. Cheer up. I don't think it's serious. Again, I am not an expert, you'll feel a lot better if you see a doctor.

Take care,
RMV



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Do not worry But Im worried about the petachai new
      #30468 - 03/23/02 08:01 PM

Thank you RMV
I have many other symptoms but they could all be attributed to stress, geo tounge, headaches, stomach pains, tingling senstions in my hands, nervous cough, canker sores, fatigue and general malaise. I was just worried about the petachaie because besides the geographic tounge which scared the heck out of me because I thought it was thrush, the petachaie are very visable and I know the mind is very powerfull but I didn't think it would produce the petachaie. Thank you Im still a nervous wreck but this information does make me feel a bit better



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worried2002.
Unregistered

Re: Do not worry But Im worried about the petachai new
      #30470 - 03/23/02 09:29 PM

The mind can produce almost anything. I had boils on my arms and lips because of stress, i'm pretty sure about it because my mother has symilar manifestations because of stress. Her lower lip can swell to the size of a banana because of stress, what about this? I can't trust my body anymore... A girl i know gets rashes because of stress. Another one gets severe sore throats caused likely by acid reflux... Her stomach acids build up because of stress and she gets sore throat! We are all a little bit mad, don't you think?



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