Stop the worrying before it ends you... - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

"Get busy living or get busy dying." Great quote from The Shawshank Redemption says it best. I as many of you refuse to accept my negative status. However, slowly I have realized its important to get my !@#% together before its too late. I have been in a fog for too long and have wasted too much precious time. I was in the same boat as many of you at my 1, 3, 6, 9, and even 12 month mark. I was freaked out to the point I had lost all hope. Wierd symptoms I had never experienced before following a so-called exposure. The worst of all was the sudden onset of floaters in both eyes. I had never encountered anything of the sort, and it happened in the 4th month. I had no clue what they were, but they were eveywhere - not just one little spec but rather several in both eyes. I am an avid scuba diver and on my last get away I was so depressed I couldn't even dive. My vision was screwed - all I could focus on were the amoeba like critters dancing across my field of view. I would have recognized them before, especially after diving so much.

When I got back from my trip I immediately began scouring the net for any and all information I could find on the subject of eye floaters. I even went to 3 different Opthamologists (1 was a retina specialist) which said my eyes retinas were fine - no sign of infection. Floaters are caused by vitreous layer detachment, which is a jelly like substance pulling away from the retina.

However I didn't believe any of these so-called specialists. I continued to search for the truth - to somehow prove floaters are indeed linked to HIV infection. This despite testing negative 10 times via ELISA (and I'm talking about all types of ELISAs: HIV 1/2 3rd generation, Home Access, Orasure) and even went down the DNA PCR and RNA PCR road. I tested ELISA and PCR and both 6 months and 1 year post exposure. Oh yeah and my exposure: drunk idiot who received a blowjob from a prostitute at a buddy's bachelor party.

I fit the classic worried-well description for over a year and have paid dearly for it. Only now am I battling to gain my life back. Guilt can be devastating. I have survived only with the help of friends and family. Just wanted to share my thoughts and experience and to offer help and advice to those who find themselves where I once (and still) am. Ultimately I wish i would have listened to the experts and believed my negative result at 3 months - or at least the 6 month one! However I dreamed up every reason why I was positive instead: symptoms, rare strain of HIV, lab messed up the test or mixed up my blood sample with someone else's, one of the .00001% who is a late seroconverter, etc...I' sure you all know where I'm coming from.

Get your life back!

Post Extras: Remind Me!