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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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oh no not again

Outta here - can't take it anymore
      #28973 - 02/27/02 10:28 PM

I am going to have to leave this board. I just can't handle all the people refusing to believe the obvious. It irks me to no end to read people's posts about how SURE they are that they are positive, despite numerous negative test results. It is like spitting in the face of all the good doctors and technicians who took the time to process your sample. Then you want to go back and test over and over, after essentially insulting the tests and people who performed them.

And the low risk people who are SURE they are positive frustrate me too. I mean it's normal to be worried after an exposure, even if it is low risk. But at least admit that the odds of you being the very first person in medical history to contract HIV by penetrative oral sex or fingering are extremely low at best. You should be like .0001% sure, not 99% sure.

I used to try to convince people of these things, but now I see that it's no use. I admit that I took on a tough-love approach, blatantly forcing you to look at the obvious. I did this because it was clear to me that all the soft, kind words of reassurance were not helping. Right after someone posts a nice message to help reassure someone, the worrier replies with yet another unconvincing list of symptoms or whatever.

That's another thing that bothers me. Why do you post lists of symptoms when there are none specific to HIV? And why, if you are worried about a recent exposure, why do you post symptoms that are only associated with long term hiv infection and aids? Won't someone explain this to me? Is it because you think you are one of those rare cases of rapid progression? Once again, there seems to be no perspective of what is considered to be very unlikely. To you, even the most remote possibility is considered to be a very likely outcome. I suppose you buy a lottery ticket with 1:13,000,000 odds and immediately start planning how you're going to spend your winnings.

It is obvious now that nothing posted on this board will help you people. Dr. Bundy posted a beautifully written message about a page below this, and it was immediately contradicted and ignored by the die-hard worried wells. If he can't help you, and negative test results can't help you, then I sure can't.

So now I am going to take my leave, and wish you all the best. I may not even return to post my test results in 2 weeks. You can guess what they are, the way you guess at everything else. Good luck.

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Re: Outta here - can't take it anymore new
      #28979 - 02/27/02 11:19 PM

I for one can assure you I will believe the test results at the 3 month mark. That will not be a problem. However, when you get a list of symptoms that comes up almost textbook perfectly after you have had an "encounter" (Low or High risk - there is still a risk) it tends to freak you out.
I have just tested at 28 days. I will test at 6 weeks then again at three months.....If I am negative on all three, I will be the first to come on this board and admit how the body can play tricks on you and make you crazy especially when dealing with guilt, etc. I will help others on this board as well.
The symptoms (including the thrush, aches, etc) are just hitting a little too close to home at the moment.

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Re: Outta here - can't take it anymore new
      #28983 - 02/28/02 12:19 AM

Dude, I know how u feel....but if u were in our shoes then you would know how we feel. Altho I havent experienced every symptom 3 weeks after exposure I have had pharyngitis and swellin in the gland areas. True, they could have been caused by something else, especially when one wears a condom..but it hards to ignore such symptoms. I mean these symptoms are a painful reminder that we are infected with something HIV or not. My doc too ..and many good folks like u tell me I shouldnt worry..and I am sure they are right in saying so..but I guess I cant help it.

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Re: Outta here - can't take it anymore new
      #28985 - 02/28/02 12:41 AM

Do you think we can take much longer?

I appreciate your comments and was reading your posts, and was not objectin to your thoughts - sometimes harsh. Thinking that was your opinion and your feelings about all this - which is fair enough.

Now, at the same time we have our own dillema and drama to face and we have our own feeling to expressing them. Whether that is anxiaty or something else it is obvious that we need help.

I thought this forum is to help people - one to another - rather than making some comments out of place and leaving this forum because you can't handle other people's drama.

How do you think they (we) feel when we experience all this in real terms - even if it is just anxiaty it is a real.

Hope you do come back and some of your comments might be needed for some people. Think about helping them.

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Re: Outta here - can't take it anymore new
      #28992 - 02/28/02 01:45 AM

I would agree with Richard, Freaked Out, and Anonymous. It's not that we don't want to listen, or don't hear. We certainly do hear, and all your posts, even though they may be harsh, have had a reassuring effect, and I am very grateful for them. At the same time, whatever the risk, it is very difficult to forget about HIV, when you are having physical symptoms, whatever the cause. I have felt it so many times. I tell myself, I DON'T HAVE HIV! STOP WORRYING! And then my body begins to itch again, or I find out that I have lost more hair, or I get this lump in my throat, or my tremor comes back... This is driving me crazy! Floaters are also a very annoying thing, because they are always there, and there's no way I can forget about them. Seriously - no way! I fully accept your rationale, regarding the fact that they happen in people with CD4 < 50, but then I read a guy's post who says "I have just seroconverted... I observed scores of floaters straight after the exposure...", or another guy's post putting forward a theory of why floaters might be a sign of HIV. When I saw this thing in my mouth, which I thought was LGE, my first thought was, why, suicide. I decided that I was a rapid progressor, that my life was already over... And the posts that I see here did help. I read Jackie's post about LGE being difficult to distinguish from gingivitis. It certainly did help, as many other posts that I have read. I would like to say that if you do leave the forum, I'll be missing you.

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