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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Reged: 08/18/14
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Not Sure if Im infected, still dealing with how I found out I might have it. new
      #277745 - 08/18/14 03:04 AM

I'm not sure if I'm positive or not. My boyfriend of almost 6 months just revealed his status to me three days ago. I'm so lost Right now. Confused. How can he say he loves me but endanger my life? He actually attempted to just break up with me and was planning to run. But before I could get out of his car he broke down crying and told me that the break up was a lie to cover up another lie. He then told me he was HIV positive. I was distraughtand didn't it was reality. It seemed like a dream. I cried. I hit him. I screamed. He said he was scared. How he was afraid I wouldn't talk to him anymore if he told me. How he felt unloved. How people treated him like outcast once they found out his status. He cried and begged for my forgiveness. And typical bleeding heart me. I cried for his pain and forgave him. He says he's undetectable and I did some research. Still passable but chances are way lower with undetectable. Now we're trying to move forward. Practicing safe sex. I'm terrified to get tested and I know That's unsafe. I Love him. But every time I look at him, I see....someone who had no regard for my life. Someone I've spent almost every day with for the past 6 months. I barely even know anymore. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want Ro shun him and leave him like everybody else did but how can I look somebody in the face who may have knowingly infected me? Depression

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Reged: 03/10/11
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Re: Not Sure if Im infected, still dealing with how I found out I might have it.
      #277746 - 08/18/14 04:21 AM

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please do get tested. It's important to know your status. Until you do, either way, you can't move on from this point and it will continue to worry you.

As for your boyfriend. You're correct. It sure doesn't seem as if he holds you in very high esteem. Sounds like he's manipulating you to get what he wants. There are lot's of people living with HIV that have faced rejection. Have felt unloved at times. So have a lot of HIV negative people. To use HIV stigma as a way to make YOU feel guilty to leave him after what he has done to you with his dishonesty is lowdown. Get rid of him.

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New User

Reged: 08/18/14
Posts: 2
Re: Not Sure if Im infected, still dealing with how I found out I might have it. new
      #277749 - 08/18/14 11:14 AM

Easier said than done but thank you. I am going to get tested
this week. Pray for me please.

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Reged: 05/15/13
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Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Not Sure if Im infected, still dealing with how I found out I might have it. new
      #277771 - 08/20/14 02:58 AM

It's starting from square one, a trust has been jeapordised and now some serious reflection on the relationship is in order!

Priority one, get tested, your health is the crucial element here. From what you have said, you were quite involved with trusting sex more than safe sex, bad move in a 6 month relationship, or any relationship for that matter. Unless you are solidly committed and monogamous and have some time invested in this person, safe sex should be a standard practice!

If you have feelings for this person, it is time now to assess these feelings. He should not become your "cause", just because he is singing the blues about his status, does not mean he now becomes your responsibility. Take it back to a friendly state, just friends, no matter what your test results, you need to start fresh!

As readers we hear your side of the story, we don't know what pushed him to take these chances with your health ... but whatever his motive, he is not relationship worthy material, yet, take it back to being just friends and see more about who he is and where he is coming from. He being shunned by this may have caused him to take drastic measure (wrong measures) but you can easily pursue his friendship instead of just casting him off. He may be a jerk but he may be a hurting jerk and just needs someone to listen ... but does not mean you need to have a relationship or sex with him!!! Look out for yourself now!

anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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