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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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single_chance
Newbie

Reged: 07/02/14
Posts: 6
No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end?
      #276962 - 07/02/14 06:18 PM

Currently I am towards top of my career, unmarried; 25 years old.....My GF is waiting in my home country to marry once I return. I don't think I will.....

I was drunk and did some mistake...but honestly I am not feeling much guilty for that....I don't believe it has happened.....Only I remember I was not in control but had a conversation with my GF......

But what force me to believe that I have all ARS symptoms just after that black night...
3rd day - 7th day: flu like symptoms, Temp 36C-37C, Fatigue
10th day - 20nd day: Temp 35C-36C, Fatigue, Night Sweats
15th day: black rash on palm still present
20th day: black rash on Arm, chest, back still present, Generalized Swollen Lymph still present, White coted Tongue/Thrush still present
40th day: PN on feet, hand still present, Swollen Vein still present
Other Symptoms: Weight Loss, Black Stool for 10 days approx., less appetite......

Now 1 week to complete 3 months....waiting to find my last way to escape before I go tested.....

Last 3 wish:
1. I have to my GF to take care of my mom like me...and I know she will...
2. Also she will be a big personality and will complete all her wish....Bad luck I can’t see that...
3. for last 2 years I have made a small home from my saving by thinking to spent quality of time with her....I wish if she does/spent...I know she will...

I have accepted about what happened to me....I wish if I get a single chance...but I know the truth...and here euthanasia legal but not for foreigners ....

So here it starts, planning of my last project, I have to succeed like always...

Sorry, not sure why I am sharing it….maybe I want to share with someone…and here I can do it anonymously….or may be still I am searching for a better solution….But I can’t make completely happy to two most beautiful person in my life with some alternative way….

I think I am still doing brainstorming……


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Marian
Newbie

Reged: 06/06/14
Posts: 18
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #276963 - 07/02/14 08:22 PM

Hey! I understand your pain, I really do but you can't be like that. You don't even know if you are +. Symptoms are no sign of anything and you don't need to wait 3 month. You can do a PCR test now. And a 4th gen test after 22 days.
You are antecipating suffering and living in the future. Step by step.
We all are humans, we all make mistaykes.


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woundedrhymes
Member

Reged: 01/21/14
Posts: 62
Loc: Toronto
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #276965 - 07/02/14 08:52 PM

Oh my goodness, why are you even thinking about ending your life?! HIV isn't a death sentence. Look around on this forum and you'll see many, many posts from people who are healthier and happier now than they were before getting diagnosed.

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Kylegasspot
Newbie

Reged: 06/21/14
Posts: 6
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #276968 - 07/03/14 01:45 AM

Mate I had a risky exposure 5 months ago and at 4 weeks I was convinced I had caught HIV......there was no reasoning with me...it couldn't be anything else I was convinced I had rashes, swollen lymph nodes unexplained sores! Sore throat runny nose swollen joints. I'm still having problems with symptoms 5 months later I've just had oral thrush and sore.....never ever had them before. But I've just took a rapid test at 5 months and that was negative and I'm telling you I was certain I had it the "symptoms" where so real I've done loads of tests over the past 5 months some by doctors mostly rapid tests and I'm still not 100 percent convinced I'm going to see a HIV specialist tomorrow so I can hopefully put it to bed once n for all. Do not diagnose yourself go and see a doctor.......you Might have caught something but there are lots of diseases and nastys out there most of them treatable / curable.....go see a doctor!!! Honestly no matter how embarrassed / ashamed / scared you are. You will feel better after I promise

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single_chance
Newbie

Reged: 07/02/14
Posts: 6
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #276976 - 07/03/14 10:50 AM

Thanks Kylegasspot

I hope you are alright...thanks...please share your exp. with all your friends...because you are the one who can prevent some new bad luck....

Also I agree "no matter how embarrassed / ashamed / scared you are. You will feel better "

your small support really makes a lot to me....will pray for you...you will be fine soon...

Regads

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single_chance
Newbie

Reged: 07/02/14
Posts: 6
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #276977 - 07/03/14 10:58 AM

Thanks Marian and woundedrhymes,

This is not suicide prevention forum...Thanks for your response....I don't know How will I move myself ahead...and in which direction....but I definitely put your valuable opinion before I can make any decision

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Marian
Newbie

Reged: 06/06/14
Posts: 18
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #276990 - 07/03/14 08:09 PM

The first thing you should do is a test. 'cause makes no sense your suffering, for something you don't even know, right?


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Uthervers
Newbie

Reged: 03/18/14
Posts: 7
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277000 - 07/04/14 09:41 AM

you have to calm yourself, although i know it's difficult! but test first!! i had all kinds of symptoms during my weeks 4,5,6 etc, then tested at 3 month mark and was negative! needless to say, ARS symptoms come all at once, not the way you described! so before you start writing your death will, get tested, and good luck!!!

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single_chance
Newbie

Reged: 07/02/14
Posts: 6
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277002 - 07/04/14 01:53 PM

Sure Uthervers,

I will get tested before I take any decision....but I think I need some support to push my ass towards a clinic...As currently I am alone in a foreign land

Also trying to identify a purpose of my life before after being diagnosed ....so that I can select a better option to move on....and do as much damage control as I could....but haven't found anything better than that.

Regards,



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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 428
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277018 - 07/06/14 11:07 AM

I waited to weigh in on this post simply to see what others would say and what the reaction would be. Well here is what I see ...

That is really generous of you, to give the two most beautiful people in your life a funeral! How thoughtful! To come onto this forum and wish there was leagalized euthanasia for newly infected HIV people is insane! Many of us get the news, accept it and "grow a set" to disclose to people we love and hope for acceptance (which most do get acceptance).

In your case take HIV off the table for a second ... your in a foreign land, you get drunk, you have sex with someone ... are you going to tell your GF back home what you did? When you say your "not feeling much guilt over that" ... that's a pretty good sign it's effecting you emotionally in some capacity!

If your planning suicide from having a few symptoms that you researched on line (and symptoms are no measure of having ARS/HIV) then I recommmend you go get tested, be honest with yourself and your family and brave up ...

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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single_chance
Newbie

Reged: 07/02/14
Posts: 6
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277020 - 07/06/14 03:04 PM

thanks Anotherday.....

I do agree on your first point...

Also I can accept my status but I mostly worried about How they will take it.....

I was an adventures guy(I hope so) from my childhood...I had a dream to get taste of everything....so first time when I get a chance to reach I couldn't stop myself as I was drunk....I do believe that I have used a new one, at least the drug made me confident enough.....but not sure for second time...yes...it is effecting my emotion as I was not able to protect my dreams, her dreams......

I wanna come back....she (my GF) is giving me enormous supports....but I haven't told her about my suspected fear, as I am worried how she will cope with the news.....and I don't wanna ruin her life.....it is complicated enough.....

I wish if I could do something so that she can easily forget me...but honestly it is a impossible expectation from her....

Also when I say euthanasia should be legalized, I don't mean it is the only option for me...but it should be a option...a open door from where light can come and may help to find a closed door in the dark....

Regards,
--------------------------------------------------------------------
-waiting to find a purpose before it is conformed...

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 428
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277021 - 07/06/14 06:28 PM

Wow your just all heart aren't you! So you think killing yourself in some foreign land ... from her point of view would be "no apparent reason" ... is not going to ruin her life!

Think about it, you screwed up, tell her, beg for her forgiveness or atleast let her move on now ... your not being a hero here! If you did contract HIV or any STD / STI give her the heads up so SHE can make an informed decision. It's better she forget about you by being honest to her than to be cowardly and leave her with a dark spot in her heart!

The same goes for your Mother and any other members of your family. Let them make the decisions on how to deal with your situation ... it's better than killing yourself and think your "looking out for them" ... nonsense!

One last note from your first post of not thinking straight ... you want to leave your GF to care for your Mother like nothing happened ... to care for her the same way you always have. Give that a lot more thought!!!!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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DSKMan
Member

Reged: 05/23/14
Posts: 56
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277023 - 07/06/14 09:58 PM

I can understand how you feel. For me I would rather be told I have some terminal disease and have only 2 or 3 years to live, than be told I have HIV and have 20+ years to live with treatment.


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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 428
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277024 - 07/07/14 12:55 AM

I suppose you would feel the same way if you were diagnosed with diabetes and had to take insulin shots everyday to live and test your blood glucose 2 or 3 times a day. HIV is one pill once a day ... incredibly more easier to deal with than even something like diabetes!

If you took the time to get educated and up to date you would see HIV is not that big of a deal ... unless all this drama is more your thing! Grow a set and get on with your life, HIV or not!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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DSKMan
Member

Reged: 05/23/14
Posts: 56
Re: No point of testing/ euthanasia should be legalized for new hiv infected/How to end? new
      #277026 - 07/07/14 02:40 AM

Sorry, but my thinking comes social aspect of HIV. Due to person family experience.

Still suicide is not an option though. If you really become suicidal you should seek help from a professional.

Edited by DSKMan (07/07/14 02:53 AM)

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