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Reged: 01/23/14
Posts: 21
once diagnosed how do you stop obsessing and self analyzing
      #275500 - 02/21/14 10:15 PM

Time waiting is the hardest part of it. I haven't fully emotionally crashed as yet, but the reality that I may have affected some one else I care for is killing me more than the thought of myself being possibly being HIV +. My skin, my weight and host of other things remind me only if I spend my days focusing on them. I'm working on how to live after I visit my doctor at the end of March . The other day I had something come up in my eye that nearly broke my spirit. I know my body and since my potential exposure its been a menu of things. Slow and steady breathing whenever I notice some change or hear my stomach do things that don't make sense. It hurts more when i hear my girlfriends stomach doing the same thing. Knowing she's had every tell tale sign and is still with me given the situation makes me cry quietly . Trust me I'm not an easy crier. in about a 3 weeks time I go back . After her losing 16 pounds in 2 months and me 7 pounds among other things my doctor went from its in your head to "Lets sit down" . I was exposed as I caught another STD given the time frame and things that have been happening my doctor is showing new found serious concern. I'm struggling to be strong for both of us and having a hard time with. I"ll be in meetings feeling and poking and prodding at my neck and skin and looking in every mirror at my tongue and throat even when driving. I realized till now I didn't really have an idea what my skin looked like which marks i had from which I didn't goes on . How do you you find that peace post diagnoses ? What steps do you take ? We both cant tell our families it will cause too many more issues we don't want our kids to be afraid for us and want them to enjoy there lives. She was recently diagnosed with Fibroids and will need an operation I"m afraid of what this will do. I know this is an already positive post forum but my last visit to the doctor wasn"t a good one for either of us and I want to be prepared so I 'm asking who has gone through it for insight. Thank you

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Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1895
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: once diagnosed how do you stop obsessing and self analyzing new
      #275501 - 02/22/14 01:29 PM

My heart truly does go out to you.I now how difficult it can be to turn the mind off , to stop it from focusing on this, that, and every thought that pops into ones head. It's a part of our body that seems to have a mind of it's own. ( pun intended ) It seems to consume every breath that we take. I could easily still have those thoughts, not because of being Hiv, but due to having to go on Hep C tx for the third time. All I can do is tell you how I handle those moments. I'm sure there are others that will be responding with their versions, but for me it is based on faith and a sort of surrendering. Surrendering is not throwing in the towel , so to speak, but it is the handing over something that I don't have the ability to control. And my faith comes from above. Now I don't know if you believe in God and His Son , and it goes even deeper to a personal relationship. And if you wish to discuss further , please just pm me. But let me just say that if it wasn't for my Savior , I would most likely of died from this life as many of my past street associates did, or I would be in such a state that would only cause my life to be totally out of control.

Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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